Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (e book reader android txt) 📗

Hannah: Mainstream [means] the weekend starts on Thursday, you know, you go out drinking and partying, that kind of thing.

KB: That’s what you feel most students do?

Hannah: A lot do that and it kind of overshadows those of us who have a mellow weekend.

Hannah and her friends were interested in finding serious relationships. Although she found a relationship with someone who shared her religious beliefs, she said that many of her friends had difficulty finding

“mature” relationships on campus. It may be that some students, like Robert and Hannah, seek exclusive relationships to avoid the hookup scene on campus.

Although most of the participants in this study were white, I did interview a few minority students.22 These men and women recognized that hooking up was very common on campus; however, they did not engage in this practice. Lannette, an African American sophomore at Faith University, knew what hooking up meant, but did not do it herself.

KB: Is [hooking up] a term you use or is that a term you just more heard?

Lannette: Um, I don’t really use the term “hooked up” so it’s more what I hear. Like if someone said: “Yeah I hooked up with T H E H O O K U P S C E N E

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him,” I understand what they’re talking about. But, me personally, I wouldn’t say [it].

KB: Are you involved in . . . the hookup scene at all?

Lannette: No, cause I mean . . . I’m not really the type that just goes around and hooks up with random people. That’s just not my . . . you know, that’s not who I am. . . . Even if I’m interested in a boy, I won’t just hook up with [him] randomly. . . .

Like, I want to get to know him first and all that. That’s just not my thing; so I’m not really in that whole category, just hookups.

Instead of hooking up, she indicated that she generally met men through friends or local “hangouts” at home. Once she met someone of interest, she would start “talking” to him. During the process of getting to know each other, the two may go out on something resembling a traditional date or they may “just chill” together at someone’s home. Lannette, and other minority students I spoke with, used the term “talking” somewhat differently from their white counterparts.

KB: What about the . . . word, I think you mentioned it—“talking.” If someone says “we’re talking” what does that mean?

Lannette: It means like, I guess, um, when you’re interested in someone, I guess you want to, if you don’t already know them you know you want to get to know them so you know you’re I guess “talking” to get to know the person. Um, you’re not necessarily with them or . . . so you might think: “Okay it’s possible that we would become . . . a boyfriend or girlfriend, but you know maybe not.” So it’s like kind of like a beginning stage of a possible relationship. Um, talking to someone is pretty much just getting to know them. . . . If you already do know them, like if . . . you’re friends for a while and you start talking—it’s more like: “Okay I realize that I might want to be with you.” So you spend more time with them and you kind of limit talking to other guys or girls.

For the minority students I spoke to, particularly African Americans,

“talking” preceded being “with” someone as an exclusive couple.

Lannette also indicated that her minority friends on campus do not participate in the hookup scene on campus. Their decision to abstain 68

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was not necessarily a moral one, but perhaps more of a practical decision. The people I spoke with said many minority students are not interested in sexual encounters and relationships with white students (and vice versa). Therefore, on campuses that are overwhelmingly white, minority students often socialize among themselves on campus and keep close ties with friends from home.23

In addition to speaking to a handful of minority students, I also talked to a few gay and lesbian students.24 These students said they were not involved with the dominant hookup culture on campus. These students often struggled to reveal their sexual identity to fellow classmates and, therefore, had difficulty finding other gay and lesbian students for potential sexual and romantic relationships.

KB: So for meeting someone . . . of the same sex or socially interacting, how does all of that work for you? How does it work if you’re not . . . heterosexuall. . . [at Faith University]?

Timothy: You’re like: “Is he [gay] or is that just wishful thinking?”

[Laughing] I wish I had glasses I could like put on and people would appear; it’s like my glasses would be blue if they see people who are blue that means they’re gay. [Freshman, Faith University]

Unlike heterosexual students who had a system in place to find partners, homosexual students were more or less on their own in their quest to find potential partners. As Timothy added, “It’s harder to meet anyone, other than like to go to a bar that you know specifically everyone’s gay or most people are because there are straight people, a few, that go to gay clubs and stuff. But um, you don’t know on campus [who is gay].” Jonathan, a sophomore at Faith University, offered the following: “No one at the gay bar is going to smack you on the head because you’re like: ‘Hey you want to dance?’ and they’re like: ‘No I’m straight, I’m sorry.’ Nobody’s going to freak out at you at the gay bar because you asked them to dance because you’re at a gay bar. But on campus . . . you couldn’t just be like: ‘Hey do you want [to get] a drink?’ or something” [emphasis by interviewee].

Gay students