Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (e book reader android txt) 📗

would like to be able to meet other gay or lesbian students and initiate relationships on campus; however, the lack of options for doing so leads them to look for off-campus alternatives for socializing and forming potential relationships. Having to go outside the arguably safer confines of the campus perhaps puts these students T H E H O O K U P S C E N E

69

at greater risk; on the other hand, as Jonathan points out, there is a level of acceptance and security that they can find in “gay safe” or

“queer positive” spaces that often are difficult to find on the college campus.25

Students who do not participate in the hookup culture on campus are on the margins of the social scene and they know it. For some, the hookup scene is not a viable option due to their minority status or sexual orientation. For others, avoiding hooking up is a choice. Some students do not like the hookup scene and others find that they do not possess the social skills needed to navigate the hookup script. One student, who considered herself extremely religious, was very opposed to the hookup scene. Rebecca, a sophomore at State University, preferred to develop friendships with men that she hoped would evolve into relationships. When she was not successful finding a boyfriend her way, she reluctantly engaged in hooking up a few times. However, she was disappointed that these encounters did not lead to a relationship, either.

“Because I hooked up [with him] before we went to spring break and then I decided that he needs to be a man and start the relationship, you know [I would tell myself], I’m not going to do anything [to start the relationship] and umm, after I stopped talking to him that’s when I heard that he was hooking up with other girls” (emphasis by interviewee). Rebecca’s frustration with the fact that hookup partners often do not initiate a relationship is consistent with many women on campus.26

Simon, a junior at State University, also had problems with the hookup system. In Simon’s case, he was interested in finding a relationship, but did not want to do so via the hookup script. He felt that his personality did not lend itself to initiating sexual or romantic encounters with strangers.

KB: Is [State U.] a place where you can find relationships easy?

Or is it hard here?

Simon: I think it’s easy; I am just not very good at it.

KB: What do you think is the reason you are not good at it?

Simon: I think it’s easy because there are so many people here and the overwhelming ratio of females to males; isn’t there?

KB: 60 percent [female], 40 percent [male].

Simon: Yeah. But I am just not very good at going, especially with just like going up to somebody completely new that I know nothing about. I am a very shy person generally. [Laughs]

70

T H E H O O K U P S C E N E

Simon did not like the alcohol-driven party scene that he felt most students were involved in on campus. Therefore, he tried to rely on close friends to introduce him to women, but did not have much luck finding a relationship this way, either. Due to his struggles, Simon admitted that he once resorted to calling a former high school girlfriend to come over to his place for a hookup encounter. To his surprise, she agreed.

Even students who were heavily involved in the hookup culture on campus recognized that various factors, including personality and attractiveness, dictate someone’s success with this script. The shy “Simons” and the reserved “Rebeccas” of campus do not travel in the same social circles as the “popular crowd.” Kevin, a senior at Faith University and an outgoing athlete who frequently hooked up, discussed students who are not as successful in the hookup scene.

Kevin: On the other side there are guys that probably aren’t very good at hooking up, probably don’t do it a lot. . . . They are not comfortable in themselves to initiate hooking up. We are in a bar and nobody looks different, everybody is wearing the same Banana Republic clothes, the same Gap [clothes] . . .

it’s hard to differentiate anybody so it’s you; you are selling you. . . . [Some guys] are not good deal closers in this setting because they don’t have the game. I don’t want to say the word “game” again because you probably don’t like that word, but they don’t have enough game to close the deal.

KB: I’m fine with the word game, but I still want you to explain a little more what game is.

Kevin: The ability to talk. The ability to interact and communicate with the opposite sex. That’s your game. Your game would be like your angle. How you talk, how you communicate, how you express yourself. Some guys will come up and tell you their whole life story or some guys will treat you like shit in order to get you to like them more, which happens. It sounds crazy, it sounds like the most asinine thing in the world, but it happens. That’s their game; that’s their angle.

Trying to get to know you, hook up with you, whatever their objective is. Because I could meet a girll. . . and all I want to do is get to know her. That’s my game. Ask her questions about herself, where she’s from . . . ask her if she knows people I know, maybe that will lead to stories. If I’m interested T H E H O O K U P S C E N E

71

in her I’m almost pumping her for information and vice versa goes for her. If she starts pumping you for information, she’s interested in you too.

There may be individuals who abstain from hooking up; however, there is no obvious alternative for them if they are interested in sexual interaction with the opposite sex on campus. Although some students were able to find a relationship without hooking