How To Rape A Straight Guy by Sullivan, Michel (phonics reader .TXT) 📗

guys’ homes for this kind of sex, but I know enough to know he oughta be doin’ somethin’ to get Lenny all primed an’ ready to want more.  An’ “Jeremy” was bein’ more stand-offish.  I put the straps in the “stuff” drawer an’ peeked back out.

“What do you think?” Lenny asked.

“I’m not a mind reader.”

“Well, I do need to know -- are you circumcised?”

“What difference does that make?” the stud asked.

“Well, all the difference,” said Lenny, glancing at the kitchen.  Dumb fuck.  He was probably shitty at poker, too.

The stud eyed him an’ said, “I am.”

“How much to show me?” Lenny asked.

Jeremy reached down an’ dug into his jeans an’ pulled out a badge!  He was a fuckin’ cop!  I fuckin’ knew it!

“How ‘bout I show you this?” he said.  “I’m citing you for solicitation of prostitution.”

“Oh, shit!” Lenny squeaked -- swear to God, he squeaked!

That’s when I took a chance an’ barged in with a bottle of beer.

“Hey, Wayne, what th’ fuck’s goin’ on?” I asked Lenny, but I was lookin’ straight at the cop.  “This better be somebody here for big-bad-Lenny, bitch.”

The pig jumped an’ backed to the door, badge up as he all but screamed, “Hold it, right there!”

I stopped an’ looked at him like he was nuts.  “What th’ fuck’s your problem?” I asked, then I called up the stairs, “Hey, Lenny, you steppin’ out, tonight?”

Wayne came down, shootin’ daggers at me with his eyes.  But he got the message.  Lenny was all but pissin’ in his pants, but Wayne, fuckin’ Wayne picked up the slack, beautifully.  Right then I knew I’d better take a good hard second look at him, big-time.  “Okay, fine, let’s get the jokes over with.  So I called a fuckin’ escort service?!  So fuckin’ what?  I needed a date.”

Jeremy was gettin’ real confused, so he opened the door an’ yelled for his back-up -- two uniforms lookin’ like they wanted to bust somebody’s balls.  I stood stock still in my spot, eyein’ all three of the pigs like they were the scum they were, an’ I laughed.  “Fuckin’ shit, Lenny, you called a cop!”

“Bullshit!” said Wayne an’ he turned his glare on the stud.  “Let me see your badge!”

“Stay where you are!”  The stud was about to come unglued.  An’ now his backup was more confused than ready to break bones.

“What’s goin’ on, Shayes?” one of ‘em asked.

“I dunno,” the stud said, “but all these guys’re under arrest for soliciting prostitution.  An’ we’re takin’ ‘em in!”

“You fuckin’ kiddin’ me?!” I snarled, an’ I made it a good one.  Jeremy -- Shayes looked at me, an’ he kept his eyes on me from then on.  “I come in th’ room after you’re already yellin’ at my buddy here -- .”

“Your buddy asked me for sex.”

“My buddy ain’t asked you for shit, ass-wipe.”

“I already got you!  He made the request -- !”

“You got shit!  I was in the kitchen an’ I didn’t hear Wayne ask you for one fuckin’ thing.  He told you to wait an’ Lenny’d be right out, that’s it.”

“It doesn’t matter what you say, asshole.  What matters is what goes in my report!”  Then he motioned to the uniforms.  “He’s up for resisting arrest.”

One of the uniforms started for me, an’ I didn’t budge.  It was Wayne who stopped him, cold.  He got real quiet an’ said, “All right, arrest us.  Take us down to jail.  I have an excellent attorney.  I have friends at GLAAD and the ACLU.  And we have the word of three men versus one.  Unless you’re wearing a wire.  But somehow I don’t think you are, seeing as how you’re really the cocky sort who just knows any jury’d believe him instead of a fucking faggot.  So by this time, tomorrow, we’ll have your asses for lunch, an’ we won’t even need to pay for them.”

Shayes gave off just a hint of hesitation, but it was enough for me to pick up on.  I smiled an’ turned an’ put my hands behind my head.  The uniform pig went ahead an’ frisked me an’ was about to twist my hands around to cuff me as he was mouthin’ off, “You have the right to remain silent -- . “  But that’s as far as he got before I heard Shayes say, “Aw, fuck it!  It ain’t worth the trouble.”

I pulled my hands away from the pig an’ turned around to look at Shayes.  Lenny got weak in the knees an’ sat against the arm of the couch.  He was whiter than the stud’s shirt.  An’ “the stud” was redder than my dick, he was so pissed.

“But I still wanna see your identification,” he said, tryin’ hard to sound like he was still under control an’ not doin’ a real good job of it.

“No,” I said.

“I can demand it,” he said, gettin’ angrier.

“On the street,” I said back.  “This is a private home, an’ it ain’t in fuckin’ Georgia, so you wanna pull that shit, you take it outside.  You wait till we leave, an’ you make up some excuse to stop us an’ see what it gets you, then, officer Shayes.”

Shayes glared at me like he was tryin’ to print my face on his brain.  Then he looked at Lenny, who looked at me like he was about to puke.  Then Shayes looked at Wayne, who just shook his head, stepped back an’ leaned against the door’s frame.  That’s when he knew it was an all or nothin’ situation; either he busted us an’ dealt with the uproar that’d follow or he walked.

The fuck made what looked like the right decision to himself -- he walked.  He had his uniforms head out, first, then he started after ‘em.

But then he was dumb shit enough to look at me an’ mutter,