Duplicity - A True Story of Crime and Deceit by Paul Goldman (surface ebook reader txt) 📗

Ijogged out to the parking lot, hopped into my car, and sped awaywith the energy of a man with a plan.

Unfortunately, the ten minute trip turnedinto thirty thanks to traffic. As I sat stagnated, not knowing whatwas holding me up or where else I could go, some new emotionsstarted to creep in. Not wanting to lose the confidence I hadgarnered from my meeting with Peter, I started to go over hispoints about annulments and Audrey.

It didn’t work. I felt asadness over what I was losing, even though I didn’t have much.Audrey and I had spent a total of thirty-three days together ashusband and wife. That was it. But when I returned home, I calledher and left a message on her voice mail:

Honey, it's Paul. I’m sorry that I had to dowhat I felt needed to be done. Now, that said, I simply don'tunderstand your words and actions, and I don't understand why yourefuse to discuss the situation. You know, lots of couples, evenwhile a divorce has been filed, go to counseling. Why don't we goto counseling? Let’s talk all this out, because I think this is acase of miscommunication, and we can resolve this and get ourmarriage back on track. Let me know if you want to set upcounseling. I love you.

And I did love her. Remarkably, even to me, Iwas still hoping we could work things out.

CHAPTER TEN

The Reconciliation

February – August, 2008

After almost a year of trying to convincemyself that I had finally found the woman I’d always been lookingfor, I was once again confronted with the only real companion I’dever known: loneliness. That proverbial gray cloud had returned andfollowed me everywhere, without regard to the eternal Florida sunthat seemed to shine on everyone else. I was constantly in a stateof agitation, and everything around me seemed to reflect myinternal conflict. The sun mocked me as I sweated away the days,the ubiquitous insects sought me out and harassed me with theirincessant buzz, and even the postcard palm trees seemed to droopfrom the heavy humidity, joining me in a constant mope.

The months following my separation fromAudrey were an exercise in grief. I spent the immediate weeks afterthe meeting with my lawyer pretending that I was just retaining himuntil Audrey and I worked things out. I continued to call Audreyand leave her messages just so she’d know I was still willing tocommunicate. After all I had done to make our relationship work,Audrey had done nothing other than accept my proposal and gothrough the motions of being a wife. She never initiated any of ourintimate moments, and even during our lovemaking, she never lookedat me, which made me feel more like I was being serviced than areal husband and step-father to her kids. Audrey never showed anyconcern or interest in my life, and there was only one “I loveyou,” which was said after I proposed. I finally settled intodepression, and then confusion. Did I marry a con artist? Did Iimagine the whole thing? Was it all a case of miscommunication?

On June17th, I wrote her anemail that read:

WHY did you become obsessed with greed, control, and “ownership”above everything else?

WHY did you not want to create an emotionally close and intimaterelationship with me? All I ever wanted was to have that kind ofrelationship with you, and you never communicated with me exceptconcerning the most superficial things. You claimed to want that"best friend" and close relationship, but you never actuallycultivated it.

WHY? Was it because you are so emotionally shallow that it is justbeyond you? Or has your poor relationship with your father made youfearful or incapable of a deep relationship with any man? Or couldit be that you just married me for my money, and just didn't careabout having a relationship with me? You know, if the third one isindeed the truth, which unfortunately it appears to be, you aresetting yourself up for a pretty bad future.

WHY did you make your demands at the time you did? Was it becauseyou knew that the part-time marriage was about to go full-time, andyou were afraid of that? So you brought up things, then refused tocompromise, in order to destroy the marriage before it actually hadthe chance to become an actual, full-time marriage.

WHY did you abandon Johnny, just when he needs you the most?Greed and ownership became much more important to you than helpingto raise, and giving love, to him. What "bad karma" you havecreated for yourself for your future.

WHY are you doing this to me? What did I do to you, what did Iwant from you except love? Did I ever make any financial demandsfrom you? Did I ask to have immediate ownership in any of yourfuture assets, which, we both know, are considerable? No, because Imarried you for love, not money.

I was compelled to tell Audrey everything Iwas feeling, to share with her the questions I’d been askingmyself, over and over. Though I expected nothing in response, anemail came a few hours later, beginning our virtualconfrontation:

Dear Paul,

You ask "why?" over & over

The answer can only come from you!

You are the one who lockedyour family out causing us to be homeless & penniless... if mymemory serves me right. I have & will ALWAYS love Johnnyas my own & would NEVER have abandoned him...he is my blood as far as I'm concerned... we need him as much as heneeds us... but you fixed that without our input or approval...didn't you? So, as you can see, the answer is within you & onlyyou as to WHY?

Though the fact that Audrey even bothered torespond was a shock, even more shocking was her attack. My responsewas immediate and emotional:

I am asking for answers, and all you can dois blame me. You are perfect, everything you do is perfect, etc. Iam asking you to examine yourself, your feelings, your actions,your motives behind your actions, to read my words, and considerthem.

As far as I was concerned, she had notexplained anything and I wasn't about to let her place the blame onme. It was her turn and, within minutes, she responded:

We can dwell as