Duplicity - A True Story of Crime and Deceit by Paul Goldman (surface ebook reader txt) 📗

deep as you wish after youexplain your actions... locking us out, leaving us penniless...etc, etc.

Refusing to let her have the last word, Iagain confronted her for using me, for misrepresenting herself, andfor her ulterior motives:

My actions were a direct result of yourwords. Your words, your demands four months into a part-timemarriage, made me believe, would make anyone believe, that I hadbeen set up, that you had married me solely for my assets. If younever were in love with me, just tell me so at least I’ll know. Ifyou married me just for my financial support for you and the kids,just tell me. If you did love me, but then stopped loving me, whendid it start, in December? And what did I do to cause it, becauseby January when we made our trip, when you told me sex wasabnormal, surely by then you were not in love with me. Wives whoare in love with their husbands do not say that to them.

I was pounding my keyboardas I typed, wanting to unleash every bit of pain and frustration onher through my words. I soundly hit the “send” button and abruptlystood up, forcing my chair to tumble backward to the floor. I wascompletely unhinged and began to pace my office, imagining what hernext message would say and how I would counter it. The minutesticked by, however, with no response. In fact, she made no replyfor two days. By then, my anger had subsided and my rationalthoughts had returned. I received the following email from Audreyaround noon:

Your sex demands are abnormal... we spoke ofthat... you are desperately in need of help since you continue tothink the way you do... I never wanted all this... you made allthis happen when you chose to take the action that your wonderfulattorney told you to do... rather than talking like husband &wife, seeking help together like husband & wife... but, no...you acted like insane people do... you made all this happen whenyou "forced" us out of yours & Johnny's life. I never told youthat I didn't love you or Johnny... as a matter of fact, I alwaystold you just the opposite... I ALWAYS told you that I loved youguys & would only marry you if it was FOREVER. I never did& never do want to get a divorce. I never would have consideredmarrying you if it wasn't to be forever. Why would I ever put allthose kids through a marriage to be followed by a divorce... makesno sense. Nothing you say makes any sense.

A~

I read her message threetimes, and each time I felt something in me soften. I was kneadingmy hands and read her words over and over again. The repetition of“husband and wife” was heart wrenching, and I grappled with thepossibility that I had gotten the whole thing wrong. I had to writeback, but this time I would choose my words carefully:

You want to go to amarriage counselor? I was under the impression that it was to bearranged four months ago, but you never did set it up. Your wordsare interesting, and have given me pause to think. To begin, I willrespond thus:

1) I do not remember too many "I love you's" fromyou.

2) Prove that what youhave written about LOVE, and FOREVER, is from yourheart.

Set up counseling ASAP, but only if you arewilling to come to it and TALK, LISTEN, and COMPROMISE.

I reread my email, makingsure it remained firm while still showing my openness to her pointof view. Whatever her reaction, she wrote to me the next day withthe simple instructions to set up the counseling as soon aspossible. So, as I had done with divorce lawyers months before, Iwent through the yellow pages, spoke with a few marriagecounselors, found one I liked, and I set up an appointment for June30th with Dr. SusanTanner. I emailed Audrey with the appointment information, and Isat back and allowed myself to let hope back in.

As I pulled up to Dr. Tanner’s office,located in a small building off Northlake Blvd., I saw Audreywaiting by the entrance. Was she waiting for me? I hadn’t imaginedthat possibility, but when I got out of my car, she turned to faceme, and her face was expressionless and worn.

“Hello, Paul,” she saidplainly. I walked toward her feeling like someone who had just runinto an old lover. The reunion was awkward and I debated how Ishould greet her, but then I guess I should have anticipated this.I hadn’t seen her in months.

“Hello,” was all I came upwith and made a grab for the front door. There was no embrace,there was no kiss hello, but there was also no exchange ofprofanities or insults and so, I guess you could say we were at acease fire. We walked to Dr. Tanner’s office in complete silence,not knowing what the next hours would bring.

Dr. Tanner was a middleaged woman with a quiet manner and a warm smile. She seemed like ayoung grandmother, and I wondered how someone who seemed so amiablecould stand to listen to the inevitable insults passed betweencaustic couples. We entered her large, uncluttered office, and shegestured for us to have a seat. We both settled into roomy,comfortable chairs on opposite sides of the room. In a state ofneutrality, Dr. Tanner opted for a centrally located seat, and thethree of us sat in silence, waiting to see who’d toss the firstgrenade. I had come to counseling willing to work, but I was alsoprepared for a battle. Dr. Tanner was the first to break thesilence.

“This is how I see it,”she began. “We’ll spend two hours today, all of us, so I can get afeel for your situation. Next week, I'll meet with Paul alone, andthe week after with Audrey alone. Then, we’ll come together and seewhere we are,” she explained, smiling at both of us.

“Sounds good to me,” Iresponded, always appreciative of a person with a plan.

“I’m fine with that,”Audrey agreed, never letting her glance stray in mydirection.

“Okay, fine,” shecontinued, “who wants to go first? What brings you tome?”

“I’ll go first,” I saidconfidently, welcoming the opportunity to finally get some