Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (e book reader android txt) 📗

It’s that whole double standard rule that society brings down on everyone. [Senior, Faith University]

The sexual double standard leads to an environment where women need relationships in order to protect their reputations. For women who are active participants, the hookup system is fraught with pitfalls that can lead to being labeled a “slut.” Rule number one for women is: Do not act like men in the sexual arena.

KB: You mentioned the term “slut” a minute ago. How do people get that kind of label?

Kyle: Just being dirty . . . being more like a guy when you are not supposed to be. [Senior, State University]

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Larry: The perception is that if a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she’s a slut. If the guy sleeps with a lot of girls he’s a stud . . . I mean, I see it every day. I mean, like I said, I bartend [and] I do go out to bars when I go out.

KB: So when you say it’s a perception [is it] a true perception?

Larry: A complete true perception. It happens every day and you can ask anyone on campus randomly, and they would say that would be the perception. A girl sleeps with a lot of guys she’s a slut. A guy sleeps with a lot of girls he’s a stud. [Senior, Faith University]

Prior to the sexual revolution era, women were expected to have sex, particularly intercourse, only with their husbands.9 Since then, sex prior to marriage has become the norm for both men and women.10 On the campuses I studied, most students assumed sex would be part of a committed, exclusive relationship; yet, students were also aware that sex (including intercourse) was often part of the hookup script. Students evaluated their peers, particularly their female peers, based on the context in which sex occurs.11 In the hookup culture, men and women are permitted to (and do) engage in sexual encounters that are, by definition, outside of the context of a committed relationship. However, there are prejudices against women who are seen as being too active in the hookup scene.

THE RULES FOR HOOKING UP

There are very few restrictions on sexual behavior for college men.

Both male and female interviewees said college men were free to hook up as often as they had the opportunity to do so. For men, there is no stigma for engaging in “heavy” sexual activity. In fact, men are congratulated by their male peers for sexual conquests. Stigmatization occurs only for men who cannot “get any” (i.e., they are virgins or have difficulty getting women to hook up with them). However, such men were believed to be few and far between. The idea that men are free to engage in hooking up, including sexual intercourse, with a variety of women without risking their reputation was a point raised by many.

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KB: Are guys ever considered to be too loose sexually, or a pig?

Emily: Oh, I don’t think so. If you hear a guy who had sex with all these people, you’re like “Hmm,” but I think it’s still much more for girls. [Emphasis by interviewee] [Sophomore, Faith University]

Gloria: Guys . . . don’t get reps for hooking up with girls or having sex with girls. [Freshman, State University]

Kyle: [Guys] can [get a reputation for what they do sexually] but it’s more, with my friends, it’s more like a joke. [Senior, State University]

According to Ed, a senior at State University, men were aware that they were free to do as they please when it comes to hooking up.

KB: So, is there any kind of standards among the people you know of what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable to do as far as hooking up and sexual behavior?

Ed: All the guys I know have no “don’ts.” Some students mentioned that a man who was very active in the hookup culture would be known as a “player.”12 Although this term was considered derogatory by some students, others indicated that the term “player” also had somewhat of a positive connotation. An alternate description of a promiscuous man is “man-whore” or “male-slut.” However, most students indicated that these terms are used as more of a joke than as a derogatory label per se.13

For college men, there are virtually no rules, but for college women it is a very different story. In fact, there is a host of norms for the hookup script that, if violated, lead women to get bad reputations.14 Many of the men I interviewed mentioned that women would get a bad reputation if they hooked up too often with too many different partners.

KB: For people that aren’t in relationships, do you think that guys or girls have more partners as far as hooking up or sex?

Robert:I think guys have more partners overall because they can do it more discreetly. A girl does it and a guy knows about it, the girl has a nickname or has this connotation about her. All the 106

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guys know who “puts out” [sexually] and who doesn’t.

Guys know that and want to steer away from girls that do it all the time. Whereas guys try to go for the trophy ones that hook up with people seldomly or with a select few.

KB: So a trophy girl is someone who doesn’t hook up as much?

Robert:Correct.

KB: So that would be someone sought after because it is more of a challenge?

Robert:Yeah. As opposed to someone who sleeps with a lot