The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance - Giulia Lagomarsino (best book club books of all time TXT) 📗

When you’ve fucked up, do not start yelling at your wife. Grenades, knives, knees…all will be involved and it will be painful.

Do not leave plastic dishes in the oven. This should be self-explanatory.

If you’re asked to bring a dish to a party, this means to bring a dish of food. Unless it means to bring a dish.

Tips and Tricks To Keep Your Woman Happy

The Refrigerator List

This is a list that every man needs. It’s a daily reminder of all the things you should or shouldn’t say or do. Why is this so important? Because this list prevents you from receiving death glares, death threats, and just death in general. Let’s get started.

Tell your woman you love her every day.

Tell your woman she’s beautiful.

Tell your woman she looks skinny.

Unload the dishwasher when she asks.

Listen to your wife. Seriously, if you don’t want to end up dead, you have to listen to the words that come out of her mouth.

Take out the garbage as you pass the door to leave.

Make sure you clean around the toilet after you go to the bathroom.

Wash out the shower so she doesn’t have to clean out your hairs after you shave.

Put your laundry in the laundry basket.

Do not track mud across a clean floor.

The TV should not be on at all times when you’re home.

Check for other lists on the fridge. There’s probably a list of chores.

You can take care of the kids too.

Add more to the list as you think of them. I’m sure each of our women has something in mind that will help us all succeed at this relationship thing.

Stalking 101

How To Successfully Stalk Your Woman

Married or not, you need to be properly trained to stalk your woman.

Stalking should really only be done by men. Very few women can successfully pull this off with a desirable outcome.

Find out her schedule, write down when she eats, sleeps, goes to the bathroom…Everything. There’s no easy way on this one. One wrong move and your woman is holding a gun on you or calling the police. Know your target and be ready to approach at the appropriate time.

Hide in plain sight, always around where she can sense you, but never see you. It heightens the experience for all involved.

The longer you stalk her, the more she wants to know who you are, needs to know why there’s such a strong connection. Once you’ve reached this point, you’ve got her just where you want her.

Make sure your connection with her is solid before you approach her. If she’s not just as attracted to you by the time you’re ready to make your move, you’ll end up in jail.

You must have the skills to break into the house unnoticed. Try to do this only when the subject is in the house. Otherwise, it’s weird for you to be in her space, going through her things.

Once she is sleeping, you can slip inside undetected and watch her sleep. Do NOT climb into bed with her. This makes you a creep.

Now that you’ve made your move, it’s time to make yourself known to her. She’ll be so desperate to know about this man that has her so twisted up inside that she’ll be begging you to stay so she can figure you out.

During the day, stay at a distance. She won’t be able to see you, but she’ll feel you and know you’re there, protecting her from anything that could hurt her.

If anyone approaches her that poses a danger, get rid of them.

List of No's

An Uncommon List Of Things Women Don’t Like

No need for long explanations…I’m just putting out a list of things women hate. If I’ve left anything out, I’m sure it’s in another section of the notes.

Being thought of as weak

Men that can’t admit they need help

Having a tracker slipped in under the disguise of birth control

Being constantly followed

Men that can’t commit

Assassins that drop in for a booty call

Being threatened with murder

Being called any of the following: thick thighs like a tree trunk, brains, but no beauty, juicy ass

Men that flip-flop on moving in together

Men that flip-flop on relationships

Men that stage ways to run into them to win them back

Men that stalk you on dates

Men that abandon you for 17 years

Men that cry more than you do

Men that don’t clean their sheets regularly

Men that sleep naked when you obviously hate one another

Men that leave you without food, because if they see you, they’ll sleep with you

Men that can’t admit that they fucked you on purpose

Men that can’t admit their feelings

Men that kiss another woman for a job

Men that walk in front of you down the steps because you’re pregnant

(I’m not sure if you’re seeing the pattern yet, but it largely revolves around men.)

Men that invite little girls over for a sleepover

Men that give children throwing stars

Men that train little girls to become assassins

Men that don’t remember you

Being told that your tits look good in a top as a greeting

Men that don’t believe their women

Men that give money after sex

Hiding a secret room of beds and hypoallergenic pillows

Having a closet that is locked, and nobody knows what’s inside

Men that play with wooden swords to take out their frustrations on others

Men that crochet better than women

Men that demand a relationship

Men that won’t admit that ghosts are real

Bringing a wreath to a woman instead of a bouquet of flowers

Showing up for a date that the woman never agreed to

Stalking said woman

Staging a kidnapping, even if you never went through with it

Tricking your woman into marrying you

Getting shot on purpose for show

Selling your woman’s house without her knowledge

Moving her into your house without her knowledge

Kidnapping her again. Twice is not cool

Giving your woman a bullet-proof wedding dress

Using your wedding as ground zero for battle

Tricking your woman to stay behind from a battle you know she’ll want to attend

Having a killer robot in the house

Having tear gas in the house

Having electrocution rods in the floor of the house

The entire company having access to