The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance - Giulia Lagomarsino (best book club books of all time TXT) 📗

only piss him off. He’s not ready to accept you into the fold yet, so keep your distance.

Okay, along this same thread are rules that you need to follow when dating his sister.

Staying the night with her if she has kids is dangerous territory. Kids will most likely join you in bed, and you have no say in this.

If kids join you in bed, always put on boxers.

You will earn major brownie points if you get up with the kids the next morning and let her sleep in.

All those brownie points will immediately be taken away the minute you offer to have a sleepover with her daughter.

When she freaks out about this new relationship, it’s best to take a step back and give her a moment to think things over. She’ll eventually come back for your cock.

Threatening her children with a gun, however unintentional, is not a way to get on her good side.

Do not get caught having sex while watching porn.

If he comes after you with a gun, run for your life. At this point, he’s lost his mind, and no amount of reasoning will save your life.

Above all, you have to prove that you’re the only man that can protect her. Now, I would never suggest that you put your woman in danger so that you can protect her, but if that were to happen, that’s a great way to earn his trust.

Writing that in the rulebook will earn you another beatdown.

Dating For Dummies

Preparing Yourself For The First Date

The first date is a big deal. A woman will notice everything about you from what you’re wearing to how you speak to her. And if you make it home after that, she’ll be judging a hell of a lot more than that. You need to be prepared to make a good impression.

Know your woman. If her first husband was an accountant and always wore suits, you don’t want to dress the same as him. You need to show her that you’re different. Leave no room for comparison.

Know your best features. You’re tattooed and muscled. Show that shit off. Women go crazy for tats. Make sure they’re on display, along with your muscles. A woman sees those muscles and her libido suddenly goes into overdrive.

Black is always better than white. White shirts show importance and a sense of superiority. Black is dangerous and breaks all dating laws. You want her to know that you don’t give a shit about social norms and that you’re a man that stands on his own two feet. Yes, it’s just a color, but it’s the difference between being a pussy and being the man who can defend her.

Leave the tie at home. And the bowtie. No self-respecting man wears a bowtie. The tie is a signal of wealth and power. Unbutton the top button of your shirt and let her know you’re relaxed and ready for a good time.

If you play with guns on a daily basis, don’t show up for your date in dress shoes. You’re a man. Act like it.

Boxers are out. A woman wants to see her man’s package on full display in his underwear. Buy yourself some boxer-briefs.

Never wear any kind of boxers with dogs on them. The ladies may love them, but you never want the word cute associated with anything so close to your dick.

Sweatage is a problem with boxer-briefs. There’s not a whole lot you can do to prevent this. And at the end of the night, the last thing you want is her face near your sweaty ball sack. Dab a small amount of cologne down there to help mask the smell.

Don’t Be A Crybaby

You Got Dumped. What Happens Now?

You put yourself out there, and it didn’t work out. It happens to us all, but it’s how you deal with the breakup that separates the men from the boys. Now, I’m sure you think the correct answer is to go out and watch a few strippers. That would be wrong and will ensure that you never see your woman again. The key to any breakup is to rely on those closest to you. Leaning on a friend, or even everyone at the company, is a great way to work past the sorrow and frustration you’re dealing with.

Here are some helpful tips in dealing with a breakup.

Have lots of alcohol on hand.

Make sure you always have reinforcements that can bring more beer.

Watching movies can be especially healing and can help you get in touch with your inner man-child. I would suggest Dirty Dancing, Titanic, or even The Bridges Of Madison County.

Others will judge you. Make sure to remind them of as much shit that they did wrong as possible. This is how you inevitably bond with your friends and get them on your side. For example:

Remind him of the time he almost let his woman die.

Or when he left his girlfriend alone and pregnant at the age of seventeen.

These are great ways to draw others into the conversation and make them spill the beans on how they have also fucked up, like getting a girl you loved killed. Suddenly, you don’t feel like the only shitty person in the room, and it makes your life feel a little less pathetic.

5. Now is the perfect time to come up with inspirational shit that can be used in the future.

“You’ll get her back,” Jules said, patting me on the shoulder. “It can’t be over. She’s your shoelace.”

“What?” I asked drunkenly. Surely I had heard him wrong. “Did you just say she’s my shoelace?”

“Yeah, like, you can’t wear shoes without fucking shoelaces,” Jules snorted. “You’d trip over your own fucking feet cuz your shoes would fall off.”

Now, the brilliance of this drunken moment is that the shoelace reference is spot on. Once you’ve met the woman of your dreams and decided that she’s yours and always will be, you’ll realize that she is literally the thing that is holding your life together. Meaning, if you didn’t