Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (e book reader android txt) 📗

invitation. Why? One explanation is that women were on the same page as men. That is, the woman came home from a party or bar without finding someone else to hook up with that night. Thus, she was happy to have the opportunity to have a sexual encounter. Given how women are negatively labeled for having too many hookup partners, a repeat encounter with a previous hookup partner has its advantages. Consistent with this explanation, some students described this type of relationship as all about the sex.

KB: What about “booty call,” does anyone say that?

Diane: Uh-huh [yes].

KB: How would someone use that in context?

Diane: Friday and Saturday night you get a call at 2:00 in the morning saying “Come over.” Both of you are drunk.

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KB: Does that, do you see that happening around [Faith University]?

Diane: Uh-huh [yes].

KB: And why do you think that happens?

Diane: Because they come home, they’re alone, they’re drunk, they’re horny, they want ass. That’s basically it. [Sophomore, Faith University]

KB: What does [booty call] mean?

Kim: Um, that implies sex.

KB: What kind of scenario would that be? How does sex happen in that scenario?

Kim: I mean I think it’s pretty much synonymous with friends with benefits. I mean, you know the person, you may be friends with them, but, you don’t have a significant relationship and you just want your sexual needs to be fulfilled.

KB: And why do you think people end up in those kinds of situations?

Kim: Because they like sex.

KB: Yeah?

Kim: [Laughs] I mean, I guess. [Sophomore, Faith University]

Another reason why women might agree to a booty call is that maintaining any kind of ongoing relationship is better than randomly hooking up. Additionally, since women are often looking for committed relationships, any attempts by a previous hookup partner to pursue further contact may seem like a step in the right direction toward evolving into “something more.”

KB: Do people in your circle of friends [use the term booty call]?

. . . Is that something people say?

Marie: Yeah. I’m not going to say that I’ve never done that or been used like that, but sometimes you don’t realize that you’re doing it. Like, the guy I was with for seven months . . . he started to get weird and I like . . . wasn’t realizing that basically the only time he was calling me to come over (his place) was like one [o’clock] in the morning. But, I had liked him so much that I was like: “That’s just how we are.” But, that’s ba-M E N , WO M E N , A N D T H E S E X UA ll D O U B ll E S TA N DA R D

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sically what it was [a booty call relationship] . . . he was just using me when he felt like having me come over. . . . Guys love that [laughing]. If you’re cool with that, guys are like:

“That’s a great girl!” [Emphasis by interviewee] [Senior, State University]

Although, as Marie noted, “guys love” having someone available as their booty call, women who were hoping the relationship would develop romantically were usually disappointed.

WHY NOT OPT OUT?

For those on the outside looking in, it may appear that men and women are on an equal playing field in the hookup culture on campus. Upon closer inspection, however, it becomes clear that college men are in a position of power. First, men are able to sustain the hookup system on campus despite the fact that it is not working for the majority of women. Most of the students indicated that college men favor casual sexual encounters or casual relationships, whereas women prefer more committed relationships. Therefore, while the hookup system works for men, it does not provide a good way for women to get what they want. Men’s power in the hook up culture is also demonstrated by the fact that men control the intensity of relationships. They are able to keep most women as “just a hookup partner” and they decide if and when the relationship will turn into something more serious.

In addition to women’s struggle to get the type of relationships they want, they also have difficulty navigating the hookup system. On one hand, the norms for hooking up (or at least the perceived norms) call for women to be sexually active. On the other hand, if women behave “too sexually” or are otherwise out of line with the unwritten rules for hooking up, they can be negatively labeled and treated accordingly. It may be that women seek relationships to avoid this dilemma.26 Entering into an exclusive relationship, in particular, is a way for women to manage the double bind that they face. Since full-fledged boyfriends are hard to come by, women often agree to other options, such as friends with benefits and booty calls. However, more often than not, these arrangements do not work to women’s advantage.

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Given the inherent problems for women, why don’t they refuse to partake in hooking up? The answer seems to be that there is no clear alternative. If a student opts out as an individual, then she is no longer part of the mainstream on campus. Students who buck the system have few other options for engaging in sexual encounters and forming relationships. Theoretically, college women could ban together and refuse to participate in hooking up. However, this never occurred to any of the women I interviewed. Most college women did not necessarily object to hooking up per se; rather, they objected to how often it ends up leading to “nothing.” They seemed to accept hooking up as a given and alter their expectations accordingly.

KB: