Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (e book reader android txt) 📗

process to “make sure you know what you’re getting” and to avoid, as one man put it, “crazy psychos.” Matthew, a 28-year-old alumnus of State University, discussed why he thought hooking up was really not a feasible option after college.

KB: How is the hookup scene now compared to college?

Matthew: Now it’s more date oriented. You don’t get to do that research, generally speaking. If you are dating someone in the

[big city where I live] it is a lot different than dating someone who is going to State University. First of all [there are thousands of students at State] and [the city where I live now] has several million people in the metropolitan area. So you don’t really know what you are getting into now.

KB: So you don’t feel you have that common ground that you had in college?

Matthew: Yes. You may have commonalities but you don’t find them out until you are out on a date with that person.

KB: So do you ever just go to a bar and go home with someone the way you would in college?

Matthew: Not nearly as frequently [as during college], maybe one-tenth of the time.

KB: So why, other than not knowing the people as well, why do you think [you hook up one-tenth as often]?

Matthew: I think logistically it is a little more difficult. Because as you grow older . . . you have to drive, everywhere we went in college you walked. It was so much easier. Everything ll I F E A F T E R C O ll ll E G E

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was in such a confined area. But if you met a girl you really liked and maybe you did want to hook up, but what if we were in [the city] and I live in [the suburbs] and she lives [on the other side of town]? Logistically, it could be a nightmare.

KB: Do you even try for [a hookup] and it doesn’t work, or you don’t even try?

Matthew: I would have to say I don’t even try.

KB: So if you are interested in someone what do you do?

Matthew: I would typically ask them out on a date.

Both sexes, then, seemed to realize that campus provided a safe feeling that was not present most of the time after college. Perhaps, as students, they became used to socializing primarily with other people of a similar background in terms of age and social class, whereas in the real world, most bars tend to be occupied with a more diverse clientele.

As a fifth-year senior at Faith University, Kevin was in a stage between the college and postcollege setting. He described his observations of why hooking up breaks down after college now that he moved off-campus and is on his own.

KB: You described how things are in college versus after college and you were saying that people didn’t date at [Faith U.], but you have now, why do you now [when] you didn’t then?

Kevin: [Pauses] It’s environment. Do you understand what I’m saying when I say environment? Like the environment has changed. Girls in college know that they can go home and hook up. [When it’s a fellow student] . . . they know it’s a guy from campus, they know if something goes wrong they can call the school. I think when you get out of this situation girls’ guards go up to another level. You know what I’m saying: “Whoa! These guys at all these bars are from all over this area. I don’t know where they are from.” I think [their] guard comes up. So I think there is more dating that occurs because: “Okay, I really like that guy but I do need to maybe see if he knows some people I know.” That’s why whenever I start talking to people I say: “Where are you from?” And I know people from anywhere so I’m like: “Do you know these people?” And they are like: “Yeah.” It takes the edge off right away because I already knew people that they know 136

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too. So it’s like there is a connection. I think in this setting . . .

I don’t know about [a big place like] New York City, but in

[this town] where I am, girls [went to one of the] five major colleges, and if you’re [an alumnus] from the five major colleges then somehow you can connect one way or the other.

And that’s how you usually end up dating [or] going out on a date. [Also,] it’s the next step, you mature. Girls aren’t going to be like: “I partied with this guy all night in his frat house and I’m going to sleep with him,” [as if they were in college]. “Now if this guy wants to sleep with me he’s got to take me out to dinner first [so I can] get to know him and maybe, maybe not. I’m attracted to him, I want to sleep with him but I’m not going to let it be as easy as it was in college where my excuse was I was drunk and I was in college and I can do this.” I think girls bring themselves down with their school and they go kind of nuts.

KB: So they define college as a time when they can do that kind of stuff?

Kevin: They can do some stuff that they would otherwise not do when they get out of college.

In the later part of my interview with Kevin, he gives another reason why alumni favor dating over hooking up. The men and women I interviewed defined college as a time to “party.” After college, everyday life changes and a new “definition of the situation” takes hold.3 Many alumni were very focused on getting established in their careers.

Alumni reported working long hours during the day and being ex-hausted at night. Gone were the days of going out socially every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night as many reported