Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (e book reader android txt) 📗

I’m religious, but I still engage in like premarital sex. But I don’t think that’s wrong necessarily. So I think that’s where a lot of people are right now.

The change in the script for sexual behavior on the college campus is part of a larger trend toward increased premarital sexual experience throughout our culture.13 In one of the most comprehensive studies on sexual behavior of men and women in the United States, Laumann et al. found that the median age at first sexual intercourse H O O K I N G U P A N D DAT I N G

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decreased throughout the twentieth century, particularly for white women. In the latest birth cohort, the median age at first intercourse was approximately 17 for white men and women.14 This change, coupled with the increased age at first marriage, has led those who came of age in more recent years to accumulate more sexual partners than those in the pre-sexual-revolution dating era.15 Changing times and circumstances have led to a change in society’s standards regarding premarital sex. In the dating era, “waiting for marriage” meant delaying intercourse for a relatively short period of time. In the hookup era, men and women spend more time being single adults, so delaying intercourse for marriage has become an increasingly difficult standard to achieve. Therefore, in the hookup era, society does not strictly dictate that men and women wait for marriage, and any religious regulations to that effect are not staunchly followed.16

Although the contemporary ideal may be for intercourse to occur only in committed relationships, on the college campus many students were willing to have sex under other circumstances when the ideal was not available or, in the case of some college men, when the ideal was not desired. The increased sexual possibilities with the hookup script may seem to create more options for college students. In other words, while those in the dating era were not supposed to engage in sexual intercourse on dates, those in the hookup era can choose to have sexual intercourse or choose to abstain (until they are in an exclusive relationship or married). However, increased choice has also brought about a sense of normlessness.

The fact that there are no clear standards has led to confusion for students trying to decide when sex is appropriate. Many students believe that having sex is simply a matter of personal choice. The problem is that students’ “personal” choices are affected by what they perceive

“everybody else” is doing sexually. Unfortunately, students’ perceptions are often distorted. For example, if students perceive other students as being highly sexually active under a wide array of circumstances via the hookup scene, they may not want to be left behind. This helps explain how virginity, at least for women, went from a “treasure to be safeguarded” (in the dating era) to a “problem to be solved” (in the post-sexual-revolution hooking-up era).17 In fact, some college students spoke of virginity as something to “get rid of” to avoid being

“known as a virgin.”18

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KB: Do you know any people that are virgins?

Larry: Very few. Very few.

KB: How is that viewed? Is it males or females that you know that are virgins?

Larry: I’d say I know both and it’s very shady. People that are virgins I’ve found, I find out that they are virgins because they won’t come out and tell you. They kind of seem a little shameful of it. They haven’t “done it” yet, if you want to put it that way.

KB: Guys are embarrassed about it or girls are embarrassed about it too?

Larry: Both.

KB: Okay. Is that something people would get teased about?

Larry: Sure. Sometimes [people will say] like: “You haven’t done it yet, what are you waiting for?” I’ve seen that before. [Senior, Faith University]

Rebecca: I know a lot of people who just want to get the sex thing, well one person, who just wanted to get the sex thing over with. She didn’t need it really to mean a lot, she just needed it to be over, so she could have her virginity gone, you know

[laughing]. [But losing your virginity is] supposed to be a special moment kind of thing. [Sophomore, State University]

The lack of a clear standard in the hookup era has also led to some problematic behavior. For those students who believe “anything goes,” college social life can take the form of excessive drinking and exploitive sexual encounters. In 2006, the media spotlight turned to Duke University when rape allegations were made against three members of their lacrosse team. Although this scandal held the attention of the public for a variety of reasons, it underscored the problem many college campuses face with regard to the extremes of the hookup culture. Regardless of the outcome of the criminal investigation, it was clear that members of this team were engaging in heavy alcohol consumption and creating a sex-charged atmosphere by hiring two exotic dancers. It is this type of behavior that has concerned many scholars who have studied binge drinking, fraternity life, and rape.19

Students define normal sexual behavior relative to their peers.

Those who get caught up with certain groups on campus, who define H O O K I N G U P A N D DAT I N G

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their college experience as the characters did in the movie Animal House, might have trouble distinguishing the behavior of their friends from that of a typical college student. With no firm guidelines decreeing when, where, and with whom sex is appropriate, some students can engage in lewd behavior and think it’s permissible because there are no rules saying otherwise.

WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Along with the rule forbidding premarital sex, the conventions of the dating script pertaining to the emotional side of relationships also wa-vered in the shift to hooking up. In the dating era, the script offered an opportunity for men and women to learn about their dating partners.

While there may have been plenty