Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen Bogle (e book reader android txt) 📗

that the images of ideal family life that many people conjure up resemble a hodgepodge of old television shows’ depictions of a bygone era (i.e., The Waltons [1930s], Leave It to Beaver [1950s], etc.), which often misrepresent the realities that families faced during those time periods. Thus, sentimental views of the past are often presented using revisionist history. Likewise, many critics of the hooking-up phenomenon have compared it to the rose-tinted version of dating, emphasizing the deterioration of courtship customs since the glory days of the dating era.2 This raises the question: How significant is the shift from dating to hooking up? In Dating, Mating and Marriage, sociologist Martin Whyte states that “the topic of continuity and change in premarital relations is a ‘blank spot’ in the study of social change in America.”3 With this in mind, let’s consider the similarities and differences between the traditional dating script and the contemporary hookup script in college.

SEX

The most notable difference in the shift from the dating script to the hookup script is how sexual behavior fits into the equation. But it would be a mistake to assume that men and women in the dating era were any less interested in sexual interaction than those in today’s hookup culture. In some cases, a man asking a woman on a date was a thinly veiled attempt to see how much she would “put out” sexually.4

Therefore, one of the primary objectives of a date was the same as that 158

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of a hookup (i.e., that something sexual would happen). Although men and women in both the hooking-up and dating eras had sexual objectives, the timing has changed. With traditional dating, sexual interaction occurred after the two parties had gone on a date or series of dates.

With hooking up, the sexual interaction comes first; going on a date comes later, or not at all for those who never make it to the point of

“going out” or at least “hanging out.” Marie, a senior at State University, discussed what typically happens after an initial hookup. “Most

[girls] who hook up initially get a lot of bullshit, like a lot of guys will be like: ‘Yeah, I’ll call you,’ but they don’t. You know, so it might take them a while to see you out and then hook up with you more before they really, you know, want to like call and hang out.” Some college women I interviewed said they would prefer to “get to know someone” before engaging in sexually intimate acts. The hookup script does not preclude getting to know someone prior to the first hookup; however, it does not require it, either. The dating script did require it.

The content of what can fall under the rubric of a “sexual encounter” has also changed with the shift to the hookup script. Most college students during the dating era restricted their sexual experimentation on dates to so-called “necking” and “petting.”5 Oral sex was not a part of the sexual script for the majority of people during the dating era.6 The sexual possibilities are much greater for the contemporary hookup script. According to the college students I spoke with, hooking up can mean “just kissing,” “fooling around” (i.e., petting), “oral sex,” or “sex-sex” (i.e., sexual intercourse).7 Although “going all the way” was not unheard of during the dating era, it was not the norm. There is evidence that many women had sexual intercourse prior to marriage, but most did so only with the man they would eventually marry.8 In the hookup era, intercourse is not limited to exclusive, marriage-bound relationships. The hookup script includes the potential for a wide array of sexual behavior, including intercourse, even in the most casual encounters.9 This represents a significant departure from what the dating script allowed.

THE RULES

In the dating era the rules were clear: young people, especially women, were not supposed to have sexual intercourse prior to marriage.10 Religious leaders played a primary role in communicating this standard to 160

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the American public. Since the sexual revolution, Americans largely re-buffed religious reasons for delaying sexual intimacy, and attitudes toward premarital sex became more lax.11 For example, most approve of sexual intercourse prior to marriage, but only in the context of an ongoing, exclusive relationship.12 Most of the college men and women I interviewed indicated that neither their religious affiliation nor their religious beliefs had a major effect on their participation in the hookup culture. Adrienne, a senior at Faith University, considered herself a practicing Catholic. She also indicated that her religious beliefs affected her day-to-day behavior; however, these beliefs did not prevent her from hooking up or engaging in premarital sex with her boyfriend.

KB: Do you think that [Faith University] is any different because it’s a Catholic school with regard to male-female stuff?

Adrienne: Not really. I don’t think so . . . well, obviously they don’t like hand out condoms. And I don’t think you’d be able, like I don’t even know if you had a problem with your birth control or anything, I don’t even know if you could like say anything to the health people. I think that might make people a little more like apprehensive to go [to the campus health center]. I mean you might have [some people who] come here that want to wait until marriage [to have sex] and stuff like that. . . . Once a year you might see a poster or something

[that says] like: “Wait until marriage” or something. But it’s not like anything else [is different than any other school].

Like [I said before] there’s not condoms in the bathroom or anything like that. But I think the girls and the guys, they pretty much hook up, they just hook up the same [whether they are at a Catholic college or not]. Because I think you can still be like religious, like I said before,