Life of St Teresa of Jesus - Teresa of Avila (classic books for 11 year olds TXT) 📗
- Author: Teresa of Avila
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thou afraid of? What canst thou lose?—only thy life, which thou
hast so often offered to Me. I will help thee.” This was in
prayer, which was of such a nature as to ease my
soul exceedingly.
15. Once, having a desire to render some service to our Lord, I
considered that I could serve Him but poorly, and said to myself:
“Why, O Lord, dost Thou desire my works?” And He answered: “To
see thy good will, My child.”
16. Once our Lord gave me light in a matter that I was very glad
to understand, and I immediately forgot it, so that I was never
able to call it again to mind; and so, when I was trying to
remember it, I heard: “Thou knowest now that I speak to thee from
time to time. Do not omit to write down what I say; for, though
it may not profit thee, it may be that it will profit others.”
As I was thinking whether I, for my sins, had to be of use to
others, and be lost myself, He said to me: “Have no fear.”
17. I was once recollected in that companionship which I ever
have in my soul, and it seemed to me that God was present therein
in such a way that I remembered how St. Peter said: “Thou art
Christ, the Son of the living God;” [10] for the living God was
in my soul. This is not like other visions, for it overpowers
faith; so that it is impossible to doubt of the indwelling of the
Trinity in our souls, by presence, power, and essence. To know
this truth is of the very highest gain; and as I stood amazed to
see His Majesty in a thing so vile as my soul, I heard: “It is
not vile, My child, for it is made in My image.” [11] I also
learnt something of the reason why God delights in souls more
than in any other creatures: it is so subtile that, though the
understanding quickly comprehended it, I cannot tell it.
18. When I was in such distress, because of the troubles of our
father, [12] that I had no rest, and after Communion one day was
making most earnestly my petition to our Lord that, as He had
given him to me, I might not lose him, He said to me: “Have
no fear.”
19. Once, with that presence of the Three Persons which I have in
my soul, I was in light so clear that no doubt of the presence of
the true and living God was possible; and I then came to the
knowledge of things which afterwards I could not speak of. One of
these things was, how the person of the Son only took human
flesh. I cannot, as I have just said, explain it at all; for
some of these things were wrought in the secret recesses of the
soul, and the understanding seems to grasp them only as one who
is in his sleep, or half awake, thinks he comprehends what is
told him. I was thinking how hard it was to remain alive, seeing
that it was living on that robbed us of that marvellous
companionship; and so I said to myself: “O Lord, show me some way
whereby I may bear this life!” He said unto me: “Think, my
child, when life is over, thou canst not serve Me as thou art
serving Me now, and eat for Me, and sleep for Me. Whatsoever
thou doest, let it be done for Me as if thou wert no longer
living, but I; for that is what St. Paul said.” [13]
20. Once, after Communion, I saw how His Father within our soul
accepts the most Holy Body of Christ. I have understood and seen
how the Divine Persons are there, and how pleasing is this
offering of His Son, because He has His joy and delight in Him,
so to speak, here on earth; for it is not the Humanity only that
is with us in our, souls, but the Divinity as well, and thus is
it so pleasing and acceptable unto Him, and gives us graces so
great. I understood also that He accepts the sacrifice, though
the priest be in sin; but then the grace of it is not
communicated to his soul as it is to their souls who are in a
state of grace: not that the inflowings of grace, which proceed
from this Communion wherein the Father accepts the sacrifice,
cease to flow in their strength, but because of his fault who has
to receive them; as it is not the fault of the sun that it does
not illumine a lump of pitch, when its rays strike it as it
illumines a globe of crystal. If I could now describe it, I
should be better understood; it is a great matter to know this,
because there are grand secrets within us when we are at
Communion. It is sad that these bodies of ours do not allow us
to have the fruition thereof.
21. During the Octave of All Saints, [14] I had two or three days
of exceeding anguish, the result of my remembrance of my great
sins, and I was also in great dread of persecutions, which had no
foundation except that great accusations were brought against me,
and all my resolutions to suffer anything for God failed me:
though I sought to encourage myself, and made corresponding acts,
and saw that all would be a great pain for me, it was to little
purpose, for the fear never left me. It was a sharp warfare.
I came across a letter, in which my good father [15] had written
that St. Paul said that our God does not suffer us to be tempted
beyond our power to bear. [16] This was a very great relief to
me, but was not enough; yea, rather, on the next day I was in
great distress at his absence, for I had no one to go to in this
trouble, for I seemed to be living in great loneliness. And it
added to my grief to see that I now find no one but he who can
comfort me, and he must be more than ever away, which is a very
sore trouble.
22. The next night after this, reading in a book, I found another
saying of St. Paul, with which I began to be comforted; and being
slightly recollected, I remained thinking how I had our Lord
before present within me, so that I truly saw Him to be the
living God. While thinking on this He spoke to me, and I saw Him
in my inmost being, as it were beside my heart, in an
intellectual vision; His words were: “I am here, only I will have
thee see how little thou canst do without Me.” I was on the
instant reassured, and my fears left me; and while at Matins that
very night our Lord Himself, in an intellectual vision so clear
as to seem almost imaginary, laid Himself in my arms, as He is
painted in the pictures of our Lady of Anguish. [17] The vision
made me very much afraid, for it was so clear, and so close to
me, that it made me think whether it was an illusion or not.
He said to me, “Be not afraid of it, for the union of My Father
with thy soul is incomparably closer than this.” The vision has
remained with me till now. What I have said of our Lord
continued more than a month: now it has left me.
23. I was one night in great distress, because it was then a long
time since I had heard anything of my father; [18] and, moreover,
he was not well the last time he wrote to me. However, my
distress was not so great as that I felt before, for I had hopes,
and distress like that I never was in since; but still my anxiety
hindered my prayer. He appeared to me on the instant; it could
not have been the effect of imagination, for I saw a light within
me, and himself coming by the way joyous, with a face all fair.
It must have been the light I saw that made his face fair, for
all the saints in heaven seem so; and I considered whether it be
the light and splendour proceeding from our Lord that render them
thus fair. I heard this: “Tell him to begin at once without
fear, for the victory is his.”
24. One day, after he came, when I was at night giving thanks to
our Lord for the many mercies He had given unto me, He said to
me: “O my child, what canst thou ask that I have not done?”
25. Our Lord said to me one day, in the monastery of Veas, that I
was to present my petition to Him, for I was His bride.
He promised to grant whatever I might ask of Him, and, as a
pledge, gave me a very beautiful ring, with a stone set in it
like an amethyst, but of a brilliancy very unlike, which He put
on my finger. I write this to my own confusion, considering the
goodness of God, and my wretched life; for I have deserved hell.
Ah! my daughters, pray to God for me, and be devout to
St. Joseph, who can do much. This folly I write . . . folly
I write. . . .
26. On the eve of St. Laurence, at Communion, I was so distracted
and dissipated in mind, that I had no power over it, and began to
envy those who dwell in desert places; thinking that, as they see
and hear nothing, they are exempt from distractions. I heard
this: “Thou art greatly deceived, My daughter; on the contrary,
the temptations of Satan are more violent there. Have patience
while life lasts, it cannot be helped.” While dwelling on this,
I became suddenly recollected, and I saw a great light within me,
so that I thought I was in another world, and my spirit found
itself interiorly in a forest and in a garden of delights, which
made me remember those words of the Canticle: [19] “Veniat
dilectus meus in hortum suum.” I saw my Eliseus [20] there, not
at all swarthy, but in strange beauty: around his head was a
garland of precious stones; a multitude of damsels went before
him with palms in their hands, all singing hymns of praise unto
God. I did nothing but open my eyes, to see whether I could not
distract myself from the vision, but that failed to divert my
attention; and I thought there was music also,—the singing of
birds and of angels,—which filled my soul with joy, though I did
not hear any. My soul was in joy, and did not consider that
there was nobody else there. I heard these words: “He has
merited to be among you, and all this rejoicing which thou
beholdest will take place on the day he shall set aside for the
honour of My Mother; [21] and do thou make haste, if thou wouldst
reach the place where he is.” This vision lasted more than an
hour and a half. In this respect—differently from my other
visions—I could not turn away from it, and it filled me with
delight. The effect of the vision was a great affection for
Eliseus, and a more frequent thinking of him in that beauty.
I have had a fear of its being a temptation,
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