Life of St Teresa of Jesus - Teresa of Avila (classic books for 11 year olds TXT) 📗
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as I have been in this state for so many years, I have been able
to observe, so that I can say so with this confidence. The truth
is,—and you, my father, should attend to this,—that, as to the
Person who always speaks, I can certainly say which of Them He
seems to me to be; of the others I cannot say so much. One of
Them I know well has never spoken. I never knew why, nor do I
busy myself in asking more of God than He is pleased to give,
because in that case, I believe, I should be deluded by Satan, at
once; nor will I ask now, because of the fear I am in.
21. I think the First spoke to me at times; but as I do not
remember that very well now, nor what it was that He spoke, I
will not venture to say so. It is all written,—you, my father,
know where,—and more at large than it is here; I know not
whether in the same words or not. [10] Though the Persons are
distinct in a strange way, the soul knows One only God. I do not
remember that our Lord ever seemed to speak to me but in His
Human Nature; and—I say it again—I can assure you that this is
no imagination.
22. What, my father, you say about the water, I know not; nor
have I heard where the earthly paradise is. I have already said
that I cannot but listen to what our Lord tells me; I hear it
because I cannot help myself; but, as for asking His Majesty to
reveal anything to me, that is what I have never done. In that
case, I should immediately think I was imagining things, and that
I must be in a delusion of Satan. God be praised, I have never
been curious about things, and I do not care to know more than I
do. [11] What I have learnt, without seeking to learn, as I have
just said, has been a great trouble to me, though it has been the
means, I believe, which our Lord made use of to save me, seeing
that I was so wicked; good people do not need so much to make
them serve His Majesty.
23. I remember another way of prayer which I had before the one I
mentioned first,—namely, a presence of God, which is not a
vision at all. It seems that any one, if he recommends himself
to His Majesty, even if he only prays vocally, finds Him; every
one, at all times, can do this, if we except seasons of aridity.
May He grant I may not by my own fault lose mercies so great, and
may He have compassion on me!
1. Inner Fortress, iv. ch. iii.
2. See Life, ch. xvii. § 5.
3. Compare Life, ch. xxiv. § 4.
4. See Life, ch. xx. § 23.
5. “Arrobamiento y arrebatamiento.”
6. See Life, chs. xx. and xxi.
7. Life, ch. xx. § 16; Inner Fortress, vi. c. xi.
8. See Life, ch. xxix. § 17.
9. See Life, ch. xvii. § 9.
10. See Relation, iii. § 6.
11. See St. John of the Cross, Ascent of Mount Carmel,
bk. ii. ch. xxii.
Relation IX.
Of Certain Spiritual Graces She Received in Toledo and Avila in
the Years 1576 and 1577.
1. I had begun to go to confession to a certain person [1] in the
city wherein I am at present staying, when he, though he had much
good will towards me, and always has had since he took upon
himself the charge of my soul, ceased to come here; and one
night, when I was in prayer, and thinking how he failed me, I
understood that God kept him from coming because it was expedient
for me to treat of the affairs of my soul with a certain person
on the spot. [2] I was distressed because I had to form new
relations—it might be he would not understand me, and would
disturb me—and because I had a great affection for him who did
me this charity, though I was always spiritually content when I
saw or heard the latter preach; also, I thought it would not do
because of his many occupations. Our Lord said to me: “I will
cause him to hear and understand thee. Make thyself known unto
him; it will be some relief to thee in thy troubles.” The latter
part was addressed to me, I think, because I was then so worn out
by the absence of God. His Majesty also said that He saw very
well the trouble I was in; but it could not be otherwise while I
lived in this land of exile: all was for my good; and he
comforted me greatly. So it has been: he comforts me, and seeks
opportunities to do so; he has understood me, and given me great
relief; he is a most learned and holy man.
2. One day,—it was the Feast of the Presentation,—I was praying
earnestly to God for a certain person, and thinking that after
all the possession of property and of freedom was unfitting for
that high sanctity which I wished him to attain to; I reflected
on his weak health, and on the spiritual health which he
communicated to souls; and I heard these words: “He serves Me
greatly; but the great thing is to follow Me stripped of
everything, as I was on the cross. Tell him to trust in Me.”
These last words were said because I thought he could not, with
his weak health, attain to such perfection.
3. Once, when I was thinking of the pain it was to me to eat meat
and do no penance, I understood that there was at times more of
self-love in that feeling than of a desire for penance.
4. Once, when I was in great distress because of my offences
against God, He said to me: “All thy sins in My sight are as if
they were not. For the future, be strong; for thy troubles are
not over.”
5. One day, in prayer, I felt my soul in God in such a way that
it seemed to me as if the world did not exist, I was so absorbed
in Him. He made me then understand that verse of the Magnificat,
“Et exultavit spiritus meus,” so that I can never forget it.
6. Once, when I was thinking how people sought to destroy this
monastery of the Barefooted Carmelites, and that they purposed,
perhaps, to bring about the destruction of them all by degrees, I
heard: “They do purpose it; nevertheless, they will never see it
done, but very much the reverse.”
7. Once, in deep recollection, I was praying to God for
Eliseus; [3] I heard this: “He is My true son; I will never fail
him,” or to that effect; but I am not sure of the latter words.
8. Having one day conversed with a person who had given up much
for God, and calling to mind that I had given up nothing for Him,
and had never served Him in anything, as I was bound to do, and
then considering the many graces He had wrought in my soul, I
began to be exceedingly weary; and our Lord said to me: “Thou
knowest of the betrothal between thee and Myself, and therefore
all I have is thine; and so I give thee all the labours and
sorrows I endured, and thou canst therefore ask of My Father as
if they were thine.” Though I have heard that we are partakers
therein, [4] now it was in a way so different that it seemed as
if I had become possessed of a great principality; for the
affection with which He wrought this grace cannot be described.
The Father seemed to ratify the gift; and from that time forth I
look at our Lord’s Passion in a very different light, as on
something that belongs to me; and that gives me
great comfort. [5]
9. On the Feast of the Magdalene, when thinking of the great love
I am bound to have for our Lord, according to the words He spoke
to, me in reference to this Saint, and having great desires to
imitate her, our Lord was very gracious unto me, and said, I was
to be henceforward strong; for I had to serve Him more than I had
hitherto done. [6] He filled me with a desire not to die so
soon, that I might have the time to occupy myself therein; and I
remained with a great resolution to suffer.
10. On one occasion, I understood how our Lord was in all things,
and how He was in the soul; and the illustration of a sponge
filled with water was suggested to me.
11. When my brothers came,—and I owe so much to one of
them, [7]—I remained in conversation with him concerning his
soul and his affairs, which wearied and distressed me; and as I
was offering this up to our Lord, and thinking that I did it all
because I was under obligations to him, I remembered that by our
Constitutions [8] we are commanded to separate ourselves from our
kindred, and I was set thinking whether I was under any
obligation, our Lord said to me: “No, My daughter; the
regulations of the Order must be only in conformity with My law.”
The truth is, that the end of the Constitutions is, that we are
not to be attached to our kindred; and to converse with them, as
it seems to me, is rather wearisome, and it is painful to have
anything to do with them.
12. After Communion, on St. Augustine’s Day, I understood, and,
as it were, saw,—I cannot tell how, unless it was by an
intellectual vision which passed rapidly away,—how the Three
Persons of the most Holy Trinity, whom I have always imprinted in
my soul, are One. This was revealed in a representation so
strange, and in a light so clear, that the impression made upon
me was very different from that which I have by faith. From that
time forth I have never been able to think of One of the Three
Divine Persons without thinking of the Three; so that to-day,
when I was considering how, the Three being One, the Son alone
took our flesh upon Him, our Lord showed me how, though They are
One, They are also distinct. These are marvels which make the
soul desire anew to be rid of the hindrances which the body
interposes between it and the fruition of them. Though this
passes away in a moment, there remains a gain to the soul
incomparably greater than any it might have made by meditation
during many years; and all without knowing how it happens.
13. I have a special joy on the Feast of our Lady’s Nativity.
When this day was come, I thought it would be well to renew our
vows; and thereupon I saw our Lady, by an illuminative vision;
and it seemed as if we made them before her and that they were
pleasing unto her. I had this vision constantly for some days,
and our Lady was by me on my left hand. One day, after
Communion, it seemed to me that my soul was really one with the
most Holy Body of our Lord, then present before me; and that
wrought a great work and blessing in me.
14. I was once thinking whether I was to be sent to reform a
certain monastery; [9] and, distressed at it, I heard: “What
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