Life of St Teresa of Jesus - Teresa of Avila (classic books for 11 year olds TXT) 📗
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that, the fruition of which it has, in a trance than in union,
and accordingly in a rapture the soul receives most commonly
certain revelations of His Majesty, and the effects thereof on
the soul are great,—a forgetfulness of self, through the longing
it has that God our Lord, who is so high, may be known and
praised. In my opinion, if the rapture be from God, the soul
cannot fail to obtain a deep conviction of its own helplessness,
and of its wretchedness and ingratitude, in that it has not
served Him who, of His own goodness only, bestows upon it graces
so great; for the feeling and the sweetness are so high above all
things that may be compared therewith that, if the recollection
of them did not pass away, all the satisfactions of earth would
be always loathsome to it; and hence comes the contempt for all
the things of the world.
10. The difference between trance and transport [5] is this,—in
a trance the soul gradually dies to outward things, losing the
senses and living unto God. A transport comes on by one sole act
of His Majesty, wrought in the innermost part of the soul with
such swiftness that it is as if the higher part thereof were
carried away, and the soul leaving the body. Accordingly it
requires courage at first to throw itself into the arms of our
Lord, that He may take it whithersoever He will; for, until His
Majesty establishes it in peace there whither He is pleased to
take it—by take it I mean the admitting of it to the knowledge
of deep things—it certainly requires in the beginning to be
firmly resolved to die for Him, because the poor soul does not
know what this means—that is, at first. The virtues, as it
seems to me, remain stronger after this, for there is a growth in
detachment, and the power of God, who is so mighty, is the more
known, so that the soul loves and fears Him. For so it is, He
carries away the soul, no longer in our power, as the true Lord
thereof, which is filled with a deep sorrow for having offended
Him, and astonishment that it ever dared to offend a Majesty so
great, with an exceedingly earnest desire that none may
henceforth offend Him, and that all may praise Him. This, I
think, must be the source of those very fervent desires for the
salvation of souls, and for some share therein, and for the due
praising of God.
11. The flight of the spirit—I know not how to call it—is a
rising upwards from the very depths of the soul. I remember only
this comparison, and I made use of it before, as you know, my
father, in that writing where these and other ways of prayer are
explained at length, [6] and such is my memory that I forget
things at once. It seems to me that soul and spirit are one and
the same thing; but only as a fire, if it is great and ready for
burning; so, like fire burning rapidly, the soul, in that
preparation of itself which is the work of God, sends up a
flame,—the flame ascends on high, but the fire thereof is the
same as that below, nor does the flame cease to be fire because
it ascends: so here, in the soul, something so subtile and so
swift, seems to issue from it, that ascends to the higher part,
and goes thither whither our Lord wills. I cannot go further
with the explanation; it seems a flight, and I know of nothing
else wherewith to compare it: I know that it cannot be mistaken,
for it is most evident when it occurs, and that it cannot
be hindered.
12. This little bird of the spirit seems to have escaped out of
this wretchedness of the flesh, out of the prison of this body,
and now, disentangled therefrom, is able to be the more intent on
that which our Lord is giving it. The flight of the spirit is
something so fine, of such inestimable worth, as the soul
perceives it, that all delusion therein seems impossible, or
anything of the kind, when it occurs. It was afterwards that
fear arose, because she who received this grace was so wicked;
for she saw what good reasons she had to be afraid of everything,
though in her innermost soul there remained an assurance and a
confidence wherein she was able to live, but not enough to make
her cease from the anxiety she was in not to be deceived.
13. By impetus I mean that desire which at times rushes into the
soul, without being preceded by prayer, and this is most
frequently the case; it is a sudden remembering that the soul is
away from God, or of a word it has heard to that effect.
This remembering is occasionally so strong and vehement that the
soul in a moment becomes as if the reason were gone, just like a
person who suddenly hears most painful tidings of which he knew
not before, or is surprised; such a one seems deprived of the
power of collecting his thoughts for his own comfort, and is as
one lost. So is it in this state, except that the suffering
arises from this, that there abides in the soul a conviction that
it would be well worth dying in it. It seems that whatever the
soul then perceives does but increase its suffering, and that our
Lord will have its whole being find no comfort in anything, nor
remember that it is His will that it should live: the soul seems
to itself to be in great and indescribable loneliness, and
abandoned of all, because the world, and all that is in it, gives
it pain; and because it finds no companionship in any created
thing, the soul seeks its Creator alone, and this it sees to be
impossible unless it dies; and as it must not kill itself, it is
dying to die, and there is really a risk of death, and it sees
itself hanging between heaven and earth, not knowing what to do
with itself. And from time to time God gives it a certain
knowledge of Himself, that it may see what it loses, in a way so
strange that no explanation of it is possible; and there is no
pain in the world—at least I have felt none—that is equal or
like unto this, for if it lasts but half an hour the whole body
is out of joint, and the bones so racked, that I am not able to
write with my hands: the pains I endure are most grievous. [7]
14. But nothing of all this is felt till the impetus shall have
passed away. He to whom it comes has enough to do in enduring
that which is going on within him, nor do I believe that he would
feel if he were grievously tortured: he is in possession of all
his senses, can speak, and even observe; walk about he
cannot,—the great blow of that love throws him down to the
ground. If we were to die to have this, it would be of no use,
for it cannot be except when God sends it. It leaves great
effects and blessings in the soul. Some learned men say that it
is this, others that it is that, but no one condemns it. The
Father-Master d’Avila wrote to me and said it was good, and so
say all. The soul clearly understands that it is a great grace
from our Lord; were it to occur more frequently, life would not
last long.
15. The ordinary impetus is, that this desire of serving God
comes on with a certain tenderness, accompanied with tears, out
of a longing to depart from this land of exile; but as the soul
retains its freedom, wherein it reflects that its living on is
according to our Lord’s will, it takes comfort in that thought,
and offers its life to Him, beseeching Him that it may last only
for His glory. This done, it bears all.
16. Another prayer very common is a certain kind of wounding; [8]
for it really seems to the soul as if an arrow were thrust
through the heart, or through itself. Thus it causes great
suffering, which makes the soul complain; but the suffering is so
sweet, that it wishes it never would end. The suffering is not
one of sense, neither is the wound physical; it is in the
interior of the soul, without any appearance of bodily pain; but
as I cannot explain it except by comparing it with other pains, I
make use of these clumsy expressions,—for such they are when
applied to this suffering. I cannot, however, explain it in any
other way. It is, therefore, neither to be written of nor spoken
of, because it is impossible for any one to understand it who has
not had experience of it,—I mean, how far the pain can go; for
the pains of the spirit are very different from those of earth.
I gather, therefore, from this, that the souls in hell and
purgatory suffer more than we can imagine, by considering these
pains of the body.
17. At other times, this wound of love seems to issue from the
inmost depth of the soul; great are the effects of it; and when
our Lord does not inflict it, there is no help for it, whatever
we may do to obtain it; nor can it be avoided when it is His
pleasure to inflict it. The effects of it are those longings
after God, so quick and so fine that they cannot be described and
when the soul sees itself hindered and kept back from entering,
as it desires, on the fruition of God, it conceives a great
loathing for the body, on which it looks as a thick wall which
hinders it from that fruition which it then seems to have entered
upon within itself, and unhindered by the body. It then
comprehends the great evil that has befallen us through the sin
of Adam in robbing us of this liberty. [9]
18. This prayer I had before the raptures and the great
impetuosities I have been speaking of. I forgot to say that
these great impetuosities scarcely ever leave me, except through
a trance or great sweetness in our Lord, whereby He comforts the
soul, and gives it courage to live on for His sake.
19. All this that I speak of cannot be the effect of the
imagination; and I have some reasons for saying this, but it
would be wearisome to enter on them: whether it be good or not is
known to our Lord. The effects thereof, and how it profits the
soul, pass all comprehension, as it seems to me.
20. I see clearly that the Persons are distinct, as I saw it
yesterday when you, my father, were talking to the Father
Provincial; only I saw nothing, and heard nothing, as, my father,
I have already told you. But there is a strange certainty about
it, though the eyes of the soul see nothing; and when the
presence is withdrawn, that withdrawal is felt. How it is, I
know not; but I do know very well that it is not an imagination,
because I cannot reproduce the vision when it is over, even if I
were to perish in the effort; but I have tried to do so. So is
it with all that I have spoken of here, so
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