Making Circles - Vanessa Gilbert (recommended reading txt) 📗

against the wall beside the stair case smiling at what my dog had just done. My sweet Cinnamon, my caring, nurturing, over protective Cinnamon, had just trapped my boyfriend so he could go nowhere do nothing and more than that…he looked like if I didn’t call Cinnamon back he’d piss his pants. I laughed and called out, “Cinnamon, come here girl.”
Cinnamon looked back at me still on guard then turned completely around and ran over to me with her sweet happy face. “Okay how do you do that,” Carter asked starring at me, now on my knees and messing with Cinnamon.
I smiled up at him and said, “I just have the touch.”
Carter kept smiling down at me…it was almost like a wolf smile…a smile that strikes fear in the weak hearted. I knew that smiled and yet it never ever scared me…the only thing it did to me…was just make me sick. That smile belonged to the guy that almost raped me…the one that put something in my drink at the party. “Well maybe sometime I can feel that touch,” he said.
I felt a shiver sink down my back…sticky and…and disgusting. I put on a fake smile and said, “You might…some day.”
Carter smiled down at me and said, “Why not TODAY?”
I felt my face light up…it feels like I should be the sky at Fourth of July. Carter’s smile grew bigger as he saw me blush and then he walked closer over to me. He moved so close that Cinnamon, who was pretty much under me, had to move. I starred up his long body and up at this face trying my hardest not to freak…I mean I could but well Carter might just lose something precious to him by Cinnamon’s teeth. I took a deep breath and told myself he would never ever rape me in any way or form…but for some reason…it didn’t sound true.
I stood up as gracefully as I could possible manage…but sadly my fear of being trapped in my own house by my boyfriend cause my legs to shake and cause me to fall over. Carter jumped forward, caught me, and when we both hit the ground it was him taking all the damage…he even pulled me more onto his body. We, well Carter with me almost on top of him, hit the ground and I could hear his entire air whoosh out of him. I stared down at him almost frightened that he might just die or go into a comma. “Oh my god, Carter are you okay,” I asked touching his now whiter than a piece of paper face.
Carter opened one eye and starred up at me. “Yea I’m fine maybe you could help with my sore muscles,” he said.
I nodded eager to help him in any way possible. I began to massage his upper chest carefully with a pit of pressure and kept doing this till I heard him say, “A bit lower.”
I nodded and then moved from his upper chest to his chest. “A bit lower,” he said again.
I nodded this time a bit questioning but forgot the question and began to massage his stomach. “Lower,” he said.
I hesitated then did as he asked and massaged where his hips lined up. I saw a smile spread on his face and as soon as it did I knew what he was planning. I hit his chest and yelled right in his face, “You pervert!”
He smiled at me and then grabbed my hips holding me where I was, straddling him. I’ve never seen this side of Carter before…when we first kissed it was sweet and gentle and now…its…its hot and passionate and can light fires and I know that is usually a good thing but…but right now it isn’t. I want my sweet kind gentle Carter back.
I stared down at Carter unable to talk or even think of what to say. Should I tell him that I hated the new…sex crazed him? Do I tell him I really don’t want to lose my virginity at this moment? Do I hit him for making me almost…touch him? I sighed and watched as his face lighted up. His hands slid from my hips up to my back. He pulled me down to his face and gently kissed me.
I kissed back a bit hesitant and afraid of what he might do…what he might think. I ended the kiss after a few minutes then pushed off of him and away. If I kept kissing him I wouldn’t stop…and if I didn’t stop…then…then…I pushed the thought away and watched as pain and confusion played across Carter’s face. Carter stood from where he laid on the floor and then walked over to me his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t get you Arien. One moment it’s amazing, we can’t keep our hands off each other and our lips are locked…and then the next moment your pushing me away or pushing off of me or doing whatever you do and telling me…that you don’t want this…you don’t want me,” Carter said.
It wasn’t true…I never said I didn’t want him…I just…I’m scared…I’m scared of losing him…I’m scared of…of having something stuck in me and no way to rinse it away. “Carter, I don’t know what to tell you. I could tell you how I feel, what I doubt, what’s bothering me…what I think of you and me…doing…that but I’m afraid of the answer and I’m afraid you’ll leave me after I tell you,” I said.
Carter raised an eye brow and then drew me close to him and said, “Fine…I’ll tell you what I think. I think you don’t love me and I think you never will. I’m just a way for you to get over that Mike guy. I know you still like him and no matter what you say or do you and him are going to be all over each other at school”
Carter dropped his arms as if though they were lead and then made his way towards the door. I starred at his back and yelled out, not caring if my parents woke up, “Fine you jerk, if you think I don’t love you then go ahead and walk out and leave me here! I do love you and I can’t believe all we have been through you still think that me and Mike are somehow together! God if that’s what you think then take back this necklace that symbolizes our “love” and leave!”
I ripped the necklace from my neck and then through it at the back of his head. He turned and faced me. I stood with tears rolling down my face, fists clinched, and teeth clinched as tight as I can possibly make them. Carter starred at me for a few seconds before walking across the distance between us, grabbing my head with one of his hands, then pulled me to his face and kissed me with force that he never used…ever.
He pulled back looked me straight in the eye and said, “If you love me then give me a reason to stay…prove to me that you love me.”
I stared at him in silence…as he walked out of my house…out of my life.

Chapter Four: High School Begins

I walked over to the door after Carter left and slammed it in anger…in pain…in sadness. I pressed my back to the cold door then slid down to the floor and began to just sob. Tears run down my face and I let out sob sounds. Why the hell should I care, he was a jerk. I quickly wiped the tears away and then stood up and made my way back up to my room where I could vent my feelings. I ran towards the stairs and then up to my room. I ran into my room, slammed my door, then climbed into my bed and let the tears flow. I curled up in a ball on my bed my nails digging into my wrists as I cried.

“Arien get up, you have to go to school,” mom said. I opened my eyes and looked around. My eyes were crusted over and numb from the crying, my wrist had nail marks in it and is covered in dry blood, and my body ached from what happened last night. Carter kissing me…holding me…yelling at me. I feel as if though my heart is being torn from my chest. I felt like last night…like when I fell on my bed crying…I felt like I was being drowned in water…water that didn’t drown me in sleep…but in pain…pain that caused my breathing to stop…my heart to beat slower…and caused my body to scream out in pain. I pushed myself up from my curled up position then looked down at the covers that…magically appeared on my body. I don’t remember pulling covers over myself…in fact I remember kicking them off my bed.
Those covers I didn’t just sleep under…so did Carter. I looked down at the covers and let out a few tears out…I wanted to burn them…to…to throw them out…but I’ve had these covers since I was in the seventh grade which might not seem to long ago…but they had a few memories. I got up from my bed, straightened out my clothes, then walked towards my bathroom to get my makeup on, fix my hair, and clean up my wrist from the dry blood. The door to my bathroom is the same as any of the other doors throughout the house, white and wood. I walked in and the first thing to great me in my bathroom is my mirror that hanged over my two counters. The person starring back at me in the mirror isn’t me. She is too…depressed…to…vulnerable.
Her eyes are red and puffy with dark circles under them, her lips looked to be bruised, and she looked like any second now she was just going to burst into tears…or at least she was going to throw up. She even has dry blood bits on her face and some on her neck. The girl raised her right arm just like me and starred at my dried bloody wrist as I starred at hers. I starred at the blood path that lead from her wrist down to her elbow and felt a bit of nausea come on. I never liked the look of blood but…right now the dried blood path looked…welcoming.
I turned on the facet of the sink and kept my eye on the strange girl that copied each movement I made. The tile for the bathroom is a mix of browns, darks and lights, all squared and on top of each other. The sinks matched the tile and so did the wall. The wall is a light, light tan and the board on the bottom of the wall where the floor and wall meet is a clean, clear, crisp white. The water began to fog up the area of the mirror in front of the white sink and fog up the girl’s image. I grabbed a wash cloth, dipped it into the hot water, and then began to scrub off the dried blood. Images flowed back into my