Making Circles - Vanessa Gilbert (recommended reading txt) 📗

head as I washed the blood off…images of me and Carter…in bed…arms wrapped around each other…the passion…the longing…the desire…the waiting.
I shut my eyes violently and just like last night, without even knowing it till now, I had dug my nails into my wrist and caused more blood to flow out. I re-opened my eyes then began to gentle wash off the old blood and now the new. After all the blood was gone I drained the now crimson water out and then I walked out of my bathroom and over to the closet hall, opened the doors, and then pulled out a bandage wrap. I wrapped up my still bleeding wrists, mumbling to myself about how stupid I am for doing that, and then I put the rest of the bandage stuff away and closed the closet doors.
I sighed then walked back into my bathroom and went back to getting ready for school. I brushed my hair then began to style it. I plugged in my straightner and then I pulled out my makeup bag and began to put on my makeup. I colored on my black eyeliner, then I swept my silver eye shadow on, wisped on my mascara, and then I painted my lips with shiny pink lip gloss. I touched the straightner quickly, not wanting to burn myself, and felt the warmness of the item. I re-tracked my hand then I began the long boring process of straightening my hair bit by bit.
As I slowly ran the straightner through my hair images still played from last night. I could still feel his warm body pressed against mine…I could still smell his cologne, Axe of course….and I could still feel his lips pressed against mine. “Ouch,” I yelped as the straightner burned my forehead.
I sighed, now not only am I going to my first day of school as a sophomore with a bad attitude and a bad look but I’m going to school with a burn on my forehead. I straightened the last piece of hair and then I layered it the way I like, with my bangs parting to the left, covering part of my left eye, and with all layers of my hair completely showing. After my hair was styled I turned off the lights in my bathroom, walked down the stairs, and over towards the kitchen. I walked in and standing in front of the stove was my mother with a pan cooking eggs, another pan cooking bacon, toast in the toaster, and oranges being squeezed to death. I smiled; after mom got married she quit her job at Wal-mart and helped dad out with the farm. They started at five sometimes four and didn’t get to sleep till sometimes ten. Dad sat at the kitchen table sipping coffee and reading news from yesterday. This is how father did things, he never reads a newspaper on time, he reads it the next morning for some odd reason that no one knows.
I smelt the aromas of the eggs and bacon and felt my mouth water, all of it smelt delicious. I smiled at mom and then sat down on the opposite side of dad and watched as mom cooked. Mom smiled at me and went back to cooking her eggs and whistling a song that played on their wedding day. “Hey princess, what happened to your wrist,” dad asked.
I looked over at him then down at my wrapped up wrist. Oh crap that’s right I forgot that the wrap wasn’t invisible, I thought. “Oh um I really don’t know um it was covered in dry blood this morning and then it began to bleed when I tried to wash the blood away,” I said to dad.
Dad nodded and asked, “Did something happen last night when Carter put you to bed?”
Tears bubbled up in my eyes at the thought of…his name. I sighed and shook my head. “No dad nothing, he put me to bed then left that was it,” I said.
Of course he stayed the night and then in the morning we almost had sex, I thought. The memory of that was enough to bring tears. The tears strolled down my cheek and as soon as it did I quickly wiped it away hoping dad or mom did not see. “Honey…what really happened,” I heard mom ask.
And of course wish is denied. I looked over at my mom. My mom had her hair up in a messy bun, her plaid red and white pajama pants, her white tank top, and she had on her white slippers. I sighed and shook my head…the memories were trying to drown me…the pain full water was coming back…I could feel it tugging at me. “Nothing mom, nothing,” I said.
Mom starred at me skeptically and then said as she went back to cooking the eggs, “Why don’t you go feed some of the horses if your late to the bus stop you can either have one of us drive you to school or you can take my old car and drive yourself.”
I smiled at the thought of driving in my mom’s old car, it is a dark forest green Toyota. I love that forest green Toyota, when I was little I told my mom that that car is officially mine when I can drive. I remembered her response of over my dead body. I nodded and then pushed myself up out of my seat and made my way towards the front door. I walked out of the house and made my way towards the barn. I walked along the stone path and then I walked inside the barn to find each of the horses asleep…except for Apple. I smiled at Apple and said, “Hey girl, why are you up so early?”
“Nah,” Apple said, which I’m sure means couldn’t sleep or was having relationship problems.
“Yours to huh? What did yours say,” I asked.
“Nah nah nah,” Apple said, which I think meant we argued.
I smiled then made me way over to her and began to pet her face. “Oh Apple I swear I think I’m going to be single for a while,” I said.
Apple nodded her head. Well jeez thanks, I thought. I walked over grabbed an armful of hay and then began to feed each horse one stall at a time. Images of Carter and me still wrapped in each other’s arms still played in my mind…the memory of Carter…touching me…in a way I’ve never been touched ever before…kept playing in my mind. I closed my eyes for a moment trying my hardest to forget it…to just push the thoughts away…to erase it and to just move on with my life…but it was hard…Carter and I…had made it that far. I kept going stall by boring stall, one by one…feeding animal by animal and when I was done and I turned around and standing in the barns door way was HIM. I stared at HIM and grew angrier by the second.
“Hey,” IT said to me.
I starred at IT not wanting to reply or anything but at the same time feeling a need to. “Hi,” I said.
“How have you been,” he asked after a moment of awkward silence.
“Carter, I don’t really think you care how I’m doing. What do you want,” I asked.
“Well if you just want to cut to the chase I guess I’ll just tell you. I need that ring back I gave you.”
My heart sank…the ring he gave me…the ring that said he would love me forever and ever and our love would only stop when I took that ring off of my finger. The ring still stayed on my finger…and it hadn’t budged since we started dating. I remember when he gave it to me. We went to the skate park with all of our friends, well my friends, and we were all hanging out on the park bench, under the shades and talking. Carter had pulled me on his lap and had his arms wrapped around my waist holding me tight to his body. All of our, my friends, where joking around with us. They were calling out, “Aw you two are so cute,” or “O gets some.”
He told the guys to leave us along for a moment and then just like that he gave me the ring and told me that he loved me and blah, blah, blah. I looked down at the ring now it still is bright clean silver and in graved in the ring is the French meaning of I love you. “Je Te Adore,” I read out loud as I pull the ring off my finger, “it’s all just a lie though, you don’t love me that’s why you want the ring back.” Carter watched me as I carefully took the ring off my finger. He tapped his foot impatiently and then when the ring was fully of my finger he walked closer to me.
I stared at him afraid he might try something. He got close enough for me to smell his cologne close enough for me to feel the warmth of his body spreading out. He out stretched his hand and kept it waiting as patiently as he could. “Arien I don’t mean to be rude-,” Carter started.
“You don’t mean to be rude? Ha that’s a laugh! Carter you come in her demanding your ring back not even giving our separation a week. That is completely and totally rude,” I yelled at him.
“Look who’s talking! You’re yelling at me even though I gave you a chance to stop me. I said if you truly loved me then stop me right there and right then…you didn’t,” he said.
I glared at Carter and said, “So what now? I’m just some chick you dated that messed up your life and then tried to fix it?”
“No you didn’t try and fix it you left it broken, remember when I said I forgave you when we became friends again…I LIED!” Carter yelled as he snatched his ring out of my hand and as he walked away.
Tears bubbled up in my eyes and before I knew it I was running after him, tackling him and straddling him and yelling down at him. “You’re a fucking ass you know that,” I yelled at him.
“I’m the fucking ass look who’s talking miss practically raping me!”
“Its rape only if you don’t like it, babe.”
“Believe me hot stuff I don’t like it and I want you off of me you fat cow.”
And just like that…I exploded tears ran down my face and then I leaned in close and said, “Carter I would kick your ass right now but you know what…I know something that’ll put the fear of god in you…when I go in there and my dad see’s me balling…because of you.”
I pushed myself off of him then ran towards the house tears streaming down my face and joy running through me with the thought and image of what dad will do to Carter. “Babe I-I was just joking,” I heard Carter yell after me.
I stopped and turned and screamed at the top of my lungs, “Which part “sweetie” the part about loving me or the part about thinking I was beautiful no matter what!?”
Carter stood there in a pissed off dumbstruck expression and just stood there as I walked back up the porch to my house, walked back into my house, and walked straight into the kitchen with tears in my eyes. “Sweetie what happened,” mom asked as she stood up from the table, putting down the fork she had full of eggs and a slice of sausage.
I forced all thoughts of Carter into my mind…him kissing me…him holding me…him promising to love me and just letting the tears flow. “He-he-he told me he-he-he wants to-to-to brea-a-a-a-k up with me!” I wailed.
My dad stood from the table a pissed off expression on his