THE ART OF FALLING GRACEFULLY - SARAH BETH LEE (read an ebook week txt) 📗

again.”

He shook his head, “No thank you.”

Sydney tilted her head in his direction, “What are you thanking me for adding chaos and mayhem to your otherwise ordinary life?”

He opened the door and stepped into the hallway, “For being you.”

With that he closed the door and left Sydney to figure out the rest on her own. She flopped down on the bed and closed her eyes as visions of Trent danced in her head and his soft voice whispered in the dark.


CHAPTER FOUR
ONLY IN HIS MIND

He had only wanted her to love him; to love him like he still loved her. He had always loved her even when he hadn’t had the courage to approach her, when he had only seen her from across the crowded campus quad. He just couldn’t understand why she would be doing all these terrible, unforgivable things to him. He knew there had to be a reason; he simply refused to believe that she was as selfish and self absorbed as everyone else that had been in and out of his life. In his mind she was special, beautiful, and irreplaceable and above all she was his. He had secretly been watching her for weeks from afar. He had been patiently observing her everyday interactions with those around her and those private intimate moments alone. When she went on those long walks along the beach with her hair blowing so wild and free in the cool night breeze; he grew excited as he remembered how exquisite she had looked with the soft glow of the moonlight shimmering on her porcelain face. Then just as quickly the euphoria vanished into the cool night air as he remembered her infidelities. He had seen her talking intimately with that pizza guy and he had noticed the way he looked down at her smiling just a little too much and leaning in a little too close. He had managed to stay calm until that other man had started hanging out at the Café. He had sat in the lot every morning watching him as he watched her. He could see the look of lust on his face as he followed her every move with his eyes. He had had to hold himself back to keep from rushing through the lot and giving him a little lesson. How dare that stranger sit there undressing his wife with his eyes and imagining things that would only get him in to trouble. Rick had sat in the parking lot earlier today, watching her through the café window. He had seen that man arrive and seeing her with that him had made his blood boil. No that had been unacceptable.


Rick loved her in his own sick and twisted way. He would do anything for her and he had tried to be everything he had thought she wanted but it had never seemed quite enough. That was when he had started to change in the blink of an eye his love had turned hard and cold into a deep seeded hatred. Sometimes it was as if an internal war was waging deep inside; one part of him wanted to hold her and never let her go and the other part wanted to hurt her as much as she had hurt him. How dare she not love him, not return his feelings. If he couldn’t have here he would make sure no one else could either; he would see to that.


Rick knew that when most people remembered their childhood they recalled picnics in the park, daddy’s teaching them to ride their first bike, mom’s baking cookies after school, baseball games and birthday parties. The lucky ones remembered mom and dad tucking them in for a peaceful night’s sleep. Seldom do they see a drunken father hitting their three year old son because he left a toy on the floor or a mother yelling obscenities because her son spilled milk and soiled his clothes. To most people those actions are appalling and unthinkable but for Rick it was the only way of life he knew.

He didn’t have a picture perfect family or a typical carefree childhood. He had been raised by his resentful alcoholic mother. Rick in fact had never known his real father. His parents had been married for six months when Lorraine found out she was pregnant. She had truly been happy until she told Lewis and he had been enraged. He didn’t want kids or a family that hadn’t been part of the deal when he married her. She had been into drugs, sex and anything that came along so he had married her. So at sixteen Lorraine found herself alone, pregnant and broke. She had had no idea what to do or where to turn.

It had been at this point that Chuck had entered the picture; a man twenty years her junior. He was older, set in his ways and had a temper like a volcano about to erupt. She didn’t love him but she really didn’t have any choice it had been a marriage of convenience. She had vowed to get out when she was back on her feet and able to take care of her child. Later she realized that Chuck would see her dead before he let her walk out on him. She had turned back to the drugs and alcohol to hide from the pain and abuse.

Rick had grown up in house where you drank all day and fought all night. As often as not he would wake in the middle of the night by the sound of shattering glass and slurred profanities tossed around. He would drift back to sleep to the sound of screams and punches flying. He could still hear his mother’s cries echoing off the walls of the now empty house. It was not unusual for her to hit Chuck with a frying pan or whatever might be within arm’s reach and the neighbors called the police at least twice a week. His most vivid memory was Chuck pulling him out from under his bed and cursing at him for crying. Chuck had said that only sissy girls cried. He had then told Rick to stop hiding like a little girl that he needed to watch and learn how to be a real man. Chuck had forced Rick to watch as he beat his mother to a bloody pulp in the middle of the floor. He told Rick that a man had to teach his woman who was in control. Rick had tried not to watch or listen and he had cringed at the sound of his mother’s broken cries. He had not been strong enough to help her or to resist Chuck’s endless demonstrations of how a real man treated his woman; Rick had only been five years old. After a while it was just easier to agree with Chuck and to believe that his mother had been weak and deserved everything Chuck did to her. Now all these years later, Rick supposed that if you loved someone you hat to hit them. He had to show Sydney who was the boss. She had never seemed to understand that everything he did out of his love for her. She was the one with the problem not him. He knew she would have to be taught a lesson on love. She would learn, after all she had a very good teacher in Rick and he had learned from the best.

Rick had not intended to enter the house; he had only meant to watch to be sure she was safe. He had parked his rental car across the street as if he were visiting one of her neighbors. He wasn’t worried about being recognized this car was an ordinary dark two door sedan so like any other car on the block. He had done his research, her neighbor was in Florida for the summer so he had sat in the driveway unnoticed after all everyone would be in bed by ten o’clock. He knew Sydney would be none the wiser, she had never been very observant. In Rick’s opinion she was too trusting and that would prove to be her downfall.

Rick had been keeping his silent vigil for several hours, he had seen Sydney and that pizza guy again. He watched as she picked up the roses and walked absently in the apartment. He wondered what she had thought of his gesture. He knew that she had always loved roses and he wanted her to know she was in his thoughts always in his head. Rick had drifted off to sleep; he had no idea how long he had dozed off nor did he care. What he did care about was the man leaving Sydney’s apartment at such a late hour. He sat up in the seat and watched as this man gave his wife an intimate embrace before walking to his truck. Why did she stand there looking so beautiful and longingly at another man? Why did he sit in the truck watching the house as if Sydney was any of his concern? Sydney was his wife and he would watch and care for her. Rick swore under his breath, he would not stand by and let his wife give those looks to another man. He could still remember how he would melt when Sydney gave him that look. There had been a time when she worshiped the ground he walked on and all she wanted was to make him happy; what had went wrong?

Rick grew more agitated as he watched the apartment. He knew that it was Marley’s fault; he knew that Sydney would never have had the courage to throw him out on her own. He was sure that she had been pushed and prodded by her family and friends, they just didn’t want her to be happy. He knew that had not been for Marley’s interference he and Sydney would not be separated and living apart. The voices in his head were so loud and he wasn’t sure which one to listen to. How had he ended up here? How had he made such a mess of his life? No it wasn’t his fault it was Sydney’s friends that was the problem.
He wondered how two people who had spoken so intimately to one another and shared so much together could act as if they had never known each other at all. Rick felt that their silence was a kind of terrible lying. Yes that was what it was and it shamed more than anything ever had. He knew if he could just talk to her everything would be okay but that was what he had tried to do at the Café . He couldn’t understand why she had ran away crying. Of course he had gone after her but she had started saying those horrible things to him.

Rick had made his way unseen to the bush under Sydney’s front window. Now here he sat feeling as if the whole world were falling in around him. He could not and would not live without her. He could feel the hot tears as they began to