THE ART OF FALLING GRACEFULLY - SARAH BETH LEE (read an ebook week txt) 📗

been locked away that she could almost believe that some parts of her past had never happened. So many things were constantly changing and she couldn’t understand why, oh she knew it was all part of growing up and this crazy thing called life but why did hers have to be so screwed up?

There was a void, a barrier that separated her from the world and all that went on around her. Alana went to work every day, she did everything perfectly, said exactly the right thing, smiled at exactly the right time and never let the pressure she felt show. It was when she went home each night that the mask fell off and she was faced with an empty house, a meaningless life and the burdens of her many mistakes.

Alana had tried to retrace when her life had started to fall apart but it was too hard to figure out at which point she had lost control. She used to be a good kid always did the right thing and had never thought she would let the idea of popularity entice her to follow the crowd. She had never really cared about such trivial things as dating the right guy or wearing the right clothes much less sitting at the right lunch table but she had always wanted to be accepted and that was how she had ended up following the in crowd.

She had once been a happy well adjusted kid until her dad had died and left her and her mom penniless. Her mother had been forced to move home to Cole County and live with Alana’s grandmother. Grandmother Garrett had been a stuffy, set in her ways, old woman who had never laid eyes on Alana until the day they moved in with her. Aland had lost her father, her friends, her home and the only security she had ever known in one fatal swoop. She had wanted to fit in so badly and at age six she was afraid she never would. That was until she met Sydney.

Alana had been lucky when she met Sydney Erin Jordan. She smiled to herself as she remembered that first day on the playground. She had fallen and scraped her knee; she had sat there clutching her bleeding knee as the silent tears rolled down her dirt stained cheeks. She felt so alone and not one teacher or classmate noticed or tried to help the hurt little girl in the plaid dress. Sydney had been playing on the hill with her friends when she had seen Alana sitting all by herself. She wondered why the girl was sitting all alone with her head bowed low; so she hurried to see what was wrong. When Sydney had seen Alana’s beautiful dark eyes and all the pain shining in her tears she had felt her heart go out to the little girl. She had taken Alana to the school nurse and held her hand as the school nurse cleaned the cut and applied medicine. Alana had never dreamed that she would ever see Sydney again but the next day she had been waiting to walk with her to school. That had been the beginning of a lifelong friendship.

Marley had been a great friend too when she moved next door to Sydney in junior high school. The three had done everything together school plays, softball, movie night, and endless phone calls into the wee hours of the early morning light. The three of them had suffered through the first day of high school and the torture from the upper classman and even though they had each veered in different activities they had supported and stood by one another. Somehow despite the odds they had remained the best of friends through everything. Sydney had been the glue that seemed to hold them all together. She was the youngest and perhaps a little naïve but she had always been able to see the good in any situation. She had been the voice of reason, the negotiator smoothing over any troubles or problems that seemed to arise. Sydney had always been Alana source of confidence and support. After graduation the three had spent every moment together before college would separate them as they each went in different directions. For Alana it had been much like losing a limb, she had been terribly homesick and longed for the safety net called home. She missed that bond of understanding and sisterhood. That was all Alana had ever really longed for a sense of belonging somewhere and to be accepted for who she was and not who she had been pretending to be since that terrible night her world had tilted on its side and she had forgotten how to be happy.

The memory of that night was still etched in the back of her mind and try as she might she couldn’t forget the angry words that had ripped what had been left of her heart to shreds. She had returned to Cole County for Sydney’s wedding and she had her doubts before every meeting the man Sydney was to wed. She knew Sydney had given up her hopes and dreams for this man who was eight years her senior. Alana knew Sydney was mature for her sixteen years but how could she be so naïve to fall for a man she barely knew and throw her future away with so little thought? Alana had kept her opinions to herself at least until she met the man for herself and saw how Sydney was with him.

Alana couldn’t put her finger on what it was about Rick Wells that rubbed her the wrong way but something about the man seemed off to her. She didn’t like the way he cut Sydney off in midsentence or the way he held her wrist so tight that she could see the faint hint of a bruise coloring her light skin. She watched him when he wasn’t aware of her watchful gaze and he always had this intent look as if he was trying to control everything and expected Sydney to do everything his way. She could see the flash of anger in his eyes when Sydney laughed too loud or spoke to anyone Rick didn’t know. Alana got the distinct impression that he wanted to keep Sydney under his thumb at all times. Alana could almost see Sydney’s vibrant smile wilting right before her eyes. The final straw had been when Rick had cornered her alone in the banquet hall and had tried to suggest she was jealous and offered to give her a little taste of what Sydney had. Alana had been appalled that he had actually believed she wanted to sleep with him. She could not watch Sydney marry this man and ruin her life.

Alana swiped angrily at the tears that began to fall as she remembered the heated words that had been thrown. Sydney was so in love with the idea of being in love she hadn’t believed anything Alana had tried to tell her. She had left Cole County never to return. She had tried to call a few times but either Rick refused to let her talk to Sydney or Sydney hung up on her.

Last summer when Alana had received a letter with the familiar girly handwriting and dainty swirls she had ached for what the letter might hold inside. She could feel the pain radiating from the page as she read how Sydney had filed for divorce and how sorry she was for not listening all those years ago. Alana had cried at the pain and regret she read in the letter and she was so sorry she hadn’t been there for Sydney when she needed her most. She should have stayed and stood by Sydney’s side and helped her through this; she should’ve never left like that. She should’ve been the one asking for Sydney’s forgiveness. Alana had never wanted to be right about Rick but she was glad that Sydney had gotten out of a bad situation.

Now a year after the emotional letter she had yet to return to Cole County. She and Sydney talked and emailed on a regular basis. She wanted to see her friend but there were too many painful memories and she had vowed to leave them all behind. She had been playing the greatest game of hide and seek for so many years but now she realized you can’t hide from yourself. Alana closed her eyes and let the images of Jonathan Perry fill her head.

She could still remember when she had run for freshman class president and he had appeared one day offering his services. They had worked long and hard on her campaign and in the process forged a friendship. He had seemed to fit so effortlessly into her life and eventually they had begun to date. They had been an exclusive item for three years until Jonathan had left for college. She could still remember their last goodbye.

Alana squeezed her eyes tighter against the unshed tears threatening to fall and there he was—suddenly alive in her memories. She could see him standing there against the street light as the scattering snow fell in his hair. She could almost hear his voice……


“Come on Alana be fair about this. You know I love you there was never any question. I couldn’t face the reality of what this separation meant for you. Since I’ve been away at school I’ve had time to think about us and what this means for you.”

He had tried to touch her but she had pushed him away. She didn’t want him to see the tears or the hurt in her eyes. She knew what he was trying to say but she would be damned if she would make it easier for him.

“Alana I’ve always loved you but the love we started with is changing.” She could hear the pleading in his voice, “Do you remember last January when it snowed? You woke up and the beautiful white flakes had transformed the whole town into a winter wonderland. Those were your exact words when you called and woke up my entire family at five in the morning. I could hear the excitement in your voice and I couldn’t even be mad.”

Alana turned and looked at his beautiful childlike face. “Jon what does any of that have to do with us?”

He lightly pushed the hair from her eyes and put his finger under her chin to keep her from looking away. “Do you remember what else you said that day while we were building the snowman?”

She looked at the ground now covered in white and avoided his watchful eye. She remembered that day so well. “Do you think I could ever forget?”

He smiled an odd smile that that didn’t quiet reach his eyes he covered her small hand in his larger one. “I guess not, I remember too, tell me again what you said.”

“That the snow was beautiful but it can’t last forever. Overnight it disappears as quickly as it appeared. You know it’ll be back next winter but it will never be exactly the same. Each year, each season