THE ART OF FALLING GRACEFULLY - SARAH BETH LEE (read an ebook week txt) 📗

is beautiful in its own special way.”

Jonathan had squeezed her hand. “Alana our love is the same way. Just like the seasons change so is our love. Our love is not the same as it was in the beginning or like it was a year ago or even six months ago, how could it be? It will never be the same as it was we’ve both changed”

“Jon what do you expect me to say? I’m not even sure what’s going on; one minute we’re laughing, eating pizza and talking about old times the next your talking crazy. So why don’t you stop with the hallmark moments and tell me what the hell is going on.”

He looked at the space that was between them and he sighed, “Alana I love you but not like you want me to love you. Please try to understand I’ll always be here for you and you will always have a special place in my heart. Forever friends remember?”

Alana had let the tears fall freely, “Would you stop asking me if I remember? Of course I remember those are all very special moments in time that I will keep in my heart forever. So please don’t ask me if I remember.” The tears were falling endlessly down her face.

“Alana please don’t cry, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Jon I always knew this time would come and I thought I could handle it. I’m crying because not only am I losing my first love but I am losing my closest friend and that hurts the worst.” Alana turned to walk away, “I’ve never been good at goodbyes and suddenly all the memories of you and me are very vivid in my mind and it hurts my heart to let you go.”

Alana had flinched as Jonathan put his hand on her shoulder. “You don’t have to let go completely. I mean what would I do without my best friend?”

Alana pushed his hand off her shoulder, “I guess you’ll manage the same way as I will.”

“Al what are you saying?”

“Jon we’ve been too close for too long. I can’t go back to the way it was for me it was all or nothing so I guess I’m saying …”

The word stuck in her throat but he knew what she was trying to say so he finished the sentence for her, “goodbye.”

“Yes Jonathan.”

She turned to face him and watched a dozen emotions mirrored back at her. She wondered how they had ended up here like this. She had thought that he was her forever. She leaned into him and pressed her lips to his breathing in the scent of his citrus aftershave and his winter fresh gum. She had left him there alone on the corner. She had glanced back once and thought she saw a single tear fall down his sad face. He looked so forlorn and alone standing there in the warm glow of the street light. She had hurried home before she let her heart change her mind.

She realized now that he had not been turning his back on her. He had been giving her the freedom to grow and experience life. He had offered her his friendship because neither of them had been ready for a lifelong commitment. She hated herself for turning her back on the people that had been the closest to her; the only thing she was good at was walking away. She felt she deserved to be alone especially when she thought of Jonathan which was a lot. She often wondered what would have happened had they remained friends, would things have turned out differently. Without Jonathan there always seemed to be something missing from her life. She still missed his laugh and his touch so much sometimes she sat in her room with his picture and imagined what her life could’ve and should’ve been.

Life it just didn’t seem fair to Alana that she had lost so much. First her dad, followed by her mom and then eventually Jon and Syd had been gone too. She knew she only had herself to blame for losing Sydney and Jonathan but the cold reminders only made it worse. She had never expected things to go as far as they did. She punished herself everyday for being so selfish and so stupid but that just didn’t seem to be enough. Even after all this time the pain and loneliness seemed to be endless leaving her with nothing but her memories and grief.

The floor was cold beneath her bare feet. She shivered as she moved across the hardwood floor to close the window. She watched as a single leave floated to the ground becoming lost in the flowers beneath her window. It had been a perfect day and the leave floating in the cool night air brought more memories to life as images of Jonathan drifted through her head.

“Jon, let’s roll around in the leaves.”

He had leaned against the rake, “We have to rake them first.”

“Well hurry up slow poke!’

He began to rake again, “You have always been so impatient. You like dessert first, opening the gift before the card, reading the end of a book first…”

“If you don’t hurry up I’ll…”

He stopped, “You’ll what?”

She knocked the rake out of his hand, “I’ll tickle you.”

Alana had tickled him unmercifully until he fell in the half racked leaves but not before he pulled her along with him. She smiled at the memory it was almost like a dream that had never quite came true. In fact if it wasn’t for the many reminders—the dried roses, pictures and cards covering her mirror and the gifts and letters she had re-read a thousand times over the years—she would have thought it all to have been a very surreal dream.

She drew in a deep breath and slowly let it exhale through her burning lungs. She had no idea what to do with her life. She had no family and no ties to this place and she was completely and utterly alone. If someone had asked her what she would be doing five or ten years after graduation she never would have imagined it like this. Just when she thought she had it all figured out, where she could get back on her feet something in the grand scheme of things got kinked up causing her to fall flat on her face again.

Alana’s gaze settled on the telephone, she wished she could call Jonathan. She longed to hear the sweet tenor of his voice but she knew that would never happen; after all there were no phones were he was now.

Alana sat in the silence of her bedroom and pondered the circumstance of her pitiful life. She realized that time for her seemed to be frozen each day was exactly the same as the day before. She wondered what had happened to that funny outgoing girl she once knew. She no longer found the good in life only the bad. She moved from day to day as if the life had been sucked right out of her. She had lost her will to live.

Alana felt the saddest times of her life were unfolding right before her very eyes. When she was younger she didn’t have a care in the world. She didn’t have to sorry about aids destroying the lives of those around her or a nuclear holocaust that could end life as easily as she could erase a pencil mark from a piece of paper. She had been a happy carefree five year old kid. Then overnight everything had changed. Gone were the late night bedtime stories with her dad, early morning breakfast with the family gathered around the table. There had been no more family picnics or Sunday afternoons in the park. Her mother was no longer waiting when she arrived home from school. She had spent most of her childhood with Grandmother Garrett who didn’t take kindly to change. She had told Alana that she had raised her kids and she would not raise her grandchildren, Alana had not been her responsibility. After all she had not laid eyes on the child until her father passed away and her mother had nowhere else to go but home.

Oh well Alana wasn’t five years old anymore and things were still changing. She hated change she supposed she took after her grandmother in that respect. Change always seemed to be followed by pain.

Alana knew she was a crossroads in her life. She needed to put the wrong things right and take responsibility for the past. She needed to ask forgiveness and to find some sense of peace. She knew the only place to those things was home.

As Alana closed the door to her house for the last time she didn’t feel anything. She was closing a chapter of her life but she felt no sense of loss. She had never really felt like she belonged in this little coastal town but it had been the first place she picked on the map. It had been far enough away from Cole County that no one knew her or her past. She had thought she could start over and erase the pain but she soon learned she couldn’t outrun herself.

Alana drove to the airport and wondered what was going on in Cole County. She knew Sydney would be sitting down with coffee and the newspaper, old Mr. Caruthers would be walking his dog and watching for Ms. Jenson to come and water her flowers. The kids would be walking to school and the stores along Front Street would be opening their doors. She found herself smiling at the memories and it was comforting to know that some things never changed. Alana no longer felt troubled about returning home in fact she found she could hardly wait.

Sydney woke from a restless night of tossing and turning. She would no sooner fall asleep than the image of Rick’s face would enter her dreams and she would wake trembling and stifling a scream. She should be able to deal with this but it wasn’t really herself she was worried about; it was her family, her friends and all the innocent people that might be drawn into this sick twisted game that Rick was playing. She had never thought that he would resort to hurting the people she cared about as a way to teach her a lesson as he had so often put it. She shivered as she remembered just how good a teacher he was.

Sydney could hear footsteps outside her door and she knew it was only Trent. She felt her heart leap in her chest at the thought of him and those piercing sea green eyes. She knew he couldn’t possibly feel the same way about her but right now he was here and that was all that matter. She heard a soft knock on her door and she called a faint hello and waited for his angel’s face to appear.

As Trent entered Sydney’s room he felt his breath