Shut Out - Kody Keplinger (dar e dil novel online reading .txt) 📗

the book back toward me. “It happens sometimes.”

“You should be a copy editor,” he said, letting go of the book. “I think you’d be good at it.”

“Maybe,” I muttered. Honestly, correcting spelling and punctuation errors for a living was more than a little appealing to me.

He leaned away from me and settled into his side of the couch again. “So,” he asked, smirking, “were you born this neurotic, or did it develop over time?”

“I actually took a class. Anal-Retentive 101.” Cash laughed, and I smiled back, shaking my head. “No. It, um, started after my mother died.”

Cash’s face fell. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to talk about it if you—”

“It’s fine,” I said, realizing as I said it that it was true. “It was a long time ago. But after the accident, I just got so freaked out, so scared of something else bad happening, that I wanted to be in control of everything. That started with me being bossy and then

the counting started, and that spawned a whole slew of idiosyncrasies. It’s silly, I know, but—”

“It’s not silly,” he said. “What’s silly is my deep-seated and unreasonable fear of fish.”

I frowned. “Fish? Like food?”

“No, that doesn’t bother me so much. Fish that are alive. I can’t swim in lakes or rivers or anything besides a swimming pool because I’m always convinced the fish are swimming all over me… all slimy and… ugh.”

I laughed, and Cash smiled.

“We all have our quirks,” he said. “This is yours. You wouldn’t be you without it.”

“Thanks,” I said, looking away, feeling embarrassed.

“All of that said,” he continued, and when I turned back to face him I realized he’d leaned close again. We weren’t touching, but he was definitely crossing the personal-bubble line. “I do think you should loosen up every once in a while. For your own sake.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know.”

He was so close, and his green eyes were looking right into mine. In that moment, I felt anything but uptight. I was completely relaxed. Completely comfortable.

Too comfortable, I realized, as the break room door swung open and I jumped away from him.

“Lissa,” Jenna said from the doorway, “your break ended almost a minute ago. Come on, I can’t have you slacking off when you’re on the clock.”


“Right,” I said, scrambling to my feet. “Sorry. I’ll get back to work.”

“Good,” she said. “There are some magazines that need to be reorganized. And when you’re done with that, can you put away the books I just checked back in?”

I nodded, and Jenna walked away.

“My guess,” Cash said, smiling up at me, “is that she was just born that way.”

“Yeah, probably,” I said quickly, grabbing my book and tossing my apple into the trash. “See you, Cash.”

I forced myself to think of Randy while I worked in the magazine room. Despite our current issues, I had a great boyfriend. One who didn’t deserve a girlfriend with a wandering eye. Or mind.

But Homecoming was the next night, and I was determined to have a good time with my friends and my boyfriend and no Cash interfering with my thoughts.


chapter fifteen

Hamilton High had two Homecomings a year—one for football in September and another for basketball in January. When you’re a freshman it’s exciting because two Homecomings means two opportunities to dance with boys in a dark gymnasium (which, for some reason, seems glamorous when you’re fourteen) and have TV show–like high school experiences—or so you hope.

By senior year, the whole thing was far less glamorous, but if you had good friends to hang with, it could still be pretty fun.

I was having a decent time this year, despite my awkward, unromantic dinner with Randy before the dance. I’d picked a Thai restaurant in Oak Hill, the next town over, that I knew served great food and had a nice, dim, romantic atmosphere. But that atmosphere had been kind of crushed by Randy’s attitude. He’d barely talked to me, shrugged his shoulders in response to almost everything I said, and sent text messages throughout the meal.

“Who are you texting?” I asked playfully.

“Shane,” he grunted.

“Who’s he going to Homecoming with?”

“No one.”

“Why not?”

“You know why not.”

I frowned and poked my fork at a piece of shrimp on my plate. Yes, I knew why Shane didn’t have a date. It’s because Shane wasn’t really the “dating” type. He was essentially the male version of Chloe. Neither of them would willingly spend an evening attached to a member of the opposite gender unless it ended with sex. Which, tonight, it clearly wouldn’t.

When the waiter brought the check, Randy paid for both our meals, though he didn’t seem to do it with pleasure.

Again, I tried to tell myself that this was a good thing. That his annoyance with the sex strike was a positive sign. That the girls would have their victory soon and the rivalry would be over and we’d get along again. I convinced myself that I should be happy he was pissed at me. It still didn’t feel good, though.

It struck me then that Randy and I were sort of playing the same game. I was withholding sexual activities and he was withholding… well, everything else. By avoiding conversation and being so distant, he was leaving me feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, too.

Whether I liked it or not, I didn’t complain about the way our paths separated once we got to the gymnasium. We needed a break from each other, so he went off to talk to his teammates—none of whom seemed to understand that dances were meant for dancing—and I found Chloe at our usual place by the refreshment table.


“I still cannot believe Kelsey is wearing that,” she said after we’d been hanging out and eating pretzels for about an hour. “Someone should tell her that yellow isn’t her color. Oh, and I think that someone should be me. Be right back—”

I grabbed her elbow and held her in place. “Leave her alone.”

“Party pooper.” Chloe took a sip of her Diet Coke and scanned the dance floor again. “At least Susan had the sense to wear something cute. Oh, and Mary’s dress is so pretty. I wonder where she got that? It’s probably expensive, though. Damn it. And—hey, looky there.”

“What?” I looked up from the pan of cupcakes I had been examining on the table, trying to decide between chocolate-on-chocolate or chocolate-on-vanilla. “Look at what, Chloe?”

“Your lover boy is standing over there,” she said, gesturing across the dark gymnasium.

I squinted, thinking I’d see Randy standing there. Thinking he’d be looking at me. Thinking he’d walk over, take me in his arms, and tell me he was sorry for not taking me seriously and that he wanted the feud to end, too. Thinking we’d dance until midnight when they finally kicked us out and for once I wouldn’t care who was watching and—

No.

No, it wasn’t Randy at all. It was Cash. Cash was the one standing across the dance floor, and he wasn’t looking at me. He was leaning against the wall, arms folded loosely over his chest as he talked animatedly to a pretty sophomore in a dress so short I wondered if it was meant to be a shirt instead. He was flirting

with her, and the girl was inching closer and closer, touching his arm when she laughed.

“That’s not funny,” I told Chloe, forcing my eyes off Cash and continuing my mental cupcake debate. I reminded myself that I had no reason to be upset. I was with Randy. I shouldn’t care about Cash at all.

Still, I couldn’t fight that nagging feeling in my stomach. That irrational possessiveness over Cash. I just wanted to march over there and pull him away, keep him to myself and hide him from all the other girls.

Crap. Cash wasn’t supposed to be on my mind tonight. I’d promised myself.

“I think it’s funny,” she teased. “Randy might not, though.”

I groaned. If only she knew.

“Speaking of Randy,” Chloe continued, “you should probably go find him. It’s almost time for the Homecoming Court announcements.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “All right. I’ll be back.”

I grabbed a chocolate-on-chocolate cupcake and headed off in search of Randy. Really, there was no important reason for me to find him, but I did want to be next to him when they announced that he’d won. It was just good girlfriend behavior. I should be there to smile and cheer and hug him when the “unexpected” announcement came—whether he liked it or not.

When I finally reached the other side of the gym, I found Shane leaning against the wall, sipping a Coke that was probably spiked with something. Knowing Shane, something strong.

“Hi,” I said.


“Hey there, Lissa Daniels,” he said. He raised his Coke. “Would you like to say hello to your distant cousin, Jack?”

“No, thank you.”

Shane shrugged and took a swig of his Jack and Coke. “So what’s up?”

“Not much,” I said. “Where’s Randy?”

And right then—when Shane’s big blue eyes darted toward me and away so fast I barely noticed, and his free hand shoved forcefully into his jeans pocket—right then I knew something was wrong.

“Shane?” I asked slowly.

“He’s, uh, in the bathroom. He’ll be out in a minute.”

I thought back to when I had been standing with Chloe next to the refreshments table. It had been a good ten minutes since I’d noticed Randy over here with Shane—way, way more time than he needed in the bathroom.

“Thanks,” I said, moving around Shane and heading toward the boys’ bathroom.

“What?” Shane sounded terrified as he reached for my arm with one hand while struggling to hold on to his bottle of Coke with the other. “Lissa, wait a sec. You can’t go into the boys’ bathroom.”

I sidestepped his attempts to reach me. I wasn’t just going to wait around to find out what was going on.

“Lissa, wait. You really don’t want to do that—”

And I knew he was hiding something from me.

As fast as my heels allowed me to move, I shoved through the freshmen, toward the bathrooms. I pushed against the heavy

wooden door of the boys’ room—a door that was supposed to be propped open by a doorstop at all times. As soon as I stepped into the tiny hallway, separated from the rest of the large bathroom by a tiled wall, I heard the noises.

A suction-y noise mixed with heavy breathing and one very female giggle.

I skirted around the wall as fast as I could, daring myself to see who was on the other side. Even though, really, I already knew.

Sure enough, there was Randy. He was with some leggy blond girl (or maybe she only looked leggy because of the