If I Die Tonight - Peyton Keller (red white royal blue .TXT) 📗

It was starting to get late. So I went to bed.
Chapter 4
I woke up the next morning. I quickly checked my phone. Still no answer.
I walked downstairs. My mom was still passed out on the couch. I had no clue what I was going to do until he texted me. I was looking forward to going out with him tonight.
I went on my facebook for awhile. I had posted pictures of Sebastian and I up yesterday. I looked at all the pictures. I did have feelings for him. Why wouldn’t I. He was nice, sweet, and he stood up for me whenever something or someone disrespected me. I really liked him. I t just wasn’t love.
•••
For the past five hours I sat at home. No text, no call. I was starting to wonder what was going on. Maybe he was mad at me. So I tried texting him. I waited for an answer I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get one.
Three more hours passed. It was already 8:00. I guess our plans weren’t happening. I decided not to get sad or mad at him. Maybe he lost his phone. It happens.
I walked upstairs and lay down. I was listening to music when my phone finally rang! I jumped out of bed and ran over to my dresser. It was Sebastian! I opened my phone and answered.
“Hey Sebastian! I was waiting all day for you to call!” There were a few moments of silence.
Then a faint women’s voice answered. “This is Sebastian’s mother. This is Alexavia right?” The women sounded terrible.
I was shocked that it was his mom. I didn’t meet anyone in his family. “Ugh yea. Hi Mrs. Knight.”
“Please call me Jen. I have something to tell you about Sebastian. I knew who to call because we started talking again a couple of days ago. He told me how special you were. He talked about you a lot.” It sounded like she was starting to cry.
“Ok. What it is?” I asked.
“Well. When I stopped by this morning to come pick him up to spend the day together. I walked up to his bedroom. And well.” She paused. She started crying harder each time. She tried to get herself together. “When I walked in his room I found him dead. He had cut himself. I don’t know if that’s what he intended but he bled to death. I’m sorry. But can you tell me why he would have done this.”
I dropped my phone. I felt nauseous. I was going to be sick. I ran to my bathroom. I threw up. Once, twice and a third time. I started crying. I couldn’t control myself. This wasn’t really happening. Was she joking? Maybe she was. But why would his mother be joking about something like this. I stood up and screamed. I felt as though I was going to have a breakdown. Why would he leave me!
I walked into my bedroom. I was filled with sadness and rage. I practically destroyed everything in my path. In that process I crushed my phone. I hit everything off the shelves. My room was trashed.
“Why Sebastian? How could you do this?!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was pissed. I sat on my bed. I felt cold and sick. I looked at my arms. They were paler.
I wept. I cried so much that I gave myself a bloody nose. I didn’t care at this point. My throat hurt. I wanted to crawl under the sheets and stay there forever.

Chapter 5
The date of his funeral. Friday, March 7, 2011. His family was there. I was there. And people from school were there. This was surprising. After the minster spoke it was time to hug the family and tell them how sorry we were. I had spent a little time with his mom and dad. I didn’t meet his brother yet. But his brother looked a lot like him. I stood in line waiting to do my part. When it came up to me I looked his mother straight in the eye.
“I’m sorry. I wish this wouldn’t have happened. I don’t know why he would do this.”
She just shook her head and hugged me. Her hug was a strong hug. We both broke down in tears.
She spoke ever so lightly. “You know when him and I started talking again he was happier then the last time we spoke. Since he moved here with his father and met you at school he smiled a lot more. He loved you so much. I could tell. There was something different about him. And when I found him. When I found him in his room there was a note. I am going to give it to you to read. I would say go into the bathroom so you are alone.” She handed me the slip of paper and put her hand on my cheek and sighed.
I hugged his father and brother. I excused myself from the room of people. I went to the bathroom and opened the note:
“Alexavia, if you are reading this then you know what has happened. I don’t want you to think it was your fault in anyway. I know I have only known you for only a few weeks. But spending that time with you made me realize something. You made me happy. You were my only friend. No one else accepted me that first day. You were the only person I got to help me with my schedule, everyone looked at me and laughed. When we hung out every day I felt myself getting closer to you. Every day we hung out I had the best time of my life. We shared our first kiss. It felt right. But that first day we met. I looked into your eyes and knew you were the one. It’s hard to explain how I knew but I just did. But I do have my reasons for leaving. I wish you could understand but I can’t tell people what my reason is for leaving. I am sorry for upsetting you. Please don’t be upset with me. I would want to know that you aren’t. You mean the world to me. I would do anything for you. I am sorry for just leaving you like this. But I did make my choice. I am saying goodbye for the last time.”
Love always,
Sebastian
I couldn’t help but cry. My tears flowed heavily. I couldn’t control it. Everything didn’t make sense. I was too confused. I walked out of the bathroom and left. I walked home in the rain. I thought about everything. My mind was a jumbled mess.
I got home went upstairs and crumbled the note up. I threw it in the trash. I looked at my pale self in the mirror. Staring back at me looked like a hopeless and lifeless person. I looked at my wrist took in all the scars. I thought about my mother.
I thought about how much I hated her. I thought about Sammy. I loved that girl to death. No one was ever going to replace her! I thought about Mrs. Knight. She treated me better than my own mother. And at last I thought about Sebastian. I thought about his smile. His eyes. The way he touched me and kissed me. I thought about how he stood up for me. About how I was so calm and happy around him. It was hard for me to do that around others. But he was someone that came into my life and he could read me like a book. I thought about him all the time. And in that moment I realized that maybe I did love him. He came into my life and turned my heart back into the color red again. But now it is turning black again.
I walked into the bathroom. Shut the door and locked it. I walked over to the tub and turned the water on warm. I peeled off my soggy clothing. Stepped into the water and sat down. My black nail polish making me looks like a ghost. A single tear ran down my cheek as I thought about Sebastian.
I slid down. I took a deep breath and went under the water. I closed my eyes and everything went black. The way I wanted everything. I came back up out of the water. I pushed the hair out of my face and reached up for my blade.
It was the only way I could feel better. I dug the sharp, jagged side into my wrist. Blood coming out quickly. The blood started to mix with my bath water. I had finally decided to cut myself deep enough so I will finally be with Sammy and Sebastian. I was going to be in a world with no pain or sadness. My mother wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.
I sat back against the tub wall and watched as the bath water turned red. At last my eyes started to slowly close. I was about to leave this cruel world. My last words were “Never again will I hurt.”
Chapter 6
My lifeless corpse was being carried to the graveyard. Family was surrounded by the hole that my coffin would be placed into and buried. My mom was there. Her face unreadable. Sebastian’s family was there. My father’s side of the family and some of my mom’s side were there. Kids from school were there. The preacher spoke of me so highly. Like I was an amazing person doing great things. But I was never a person to do great things.
•••
Sitting under a tree Sebastian sat. Sammy was sitting next to him. Sammy looked over at me and waved. I ran over. It couldn’t be her! It just couldn’t!
She hugged me and said, “hey stranger took you long enough! I have been waiting forever for you to get here!!”
It was Sammy. My Sammy. My best friend. Sebastian came over and hugged me next.
“Hey beautiful. What brought you here?” He looked sad. Like maybe he didn’t want to see me.
I sighed and stepped into give him a kiss. He kissed me for a little and pulled away.
“Why did you do this to yourself? What the hell where you thinking?” He yelled.
“I’m sorry! But I didn’t want to be alone. You left me!”
“I know. But it wasn’t your time to go.” He kissed me once more and motioned Sammy over.
“He’s right Alex. Close your eyes and just take a deep breath. Ok?”
I looked at them with confusion.
“I love you Alexavia! We will meet again.”
Sammy spoke next. “And I love you too but just do as we say and you will be fine. I promise.”
I did as she said. I felt as though my worlds were shifting.
The next thing I know was hearing a beeping noise. My alarm clock was going off!
I was sweaty and confused. Was that all just a dream. I checked my wrist for an explanation. I had no fresh cut. It was gone. It was just a dream! A dream that felt so real.
As I lay there thinking my phone went off. I quickly grabbed it. It was an unknown number. I opened my message and it read, “I told you it wasn’t your time yet!”