If I Die Tonight - Peyton Keller (red white royal blue .TXT) 📗

Chapter 1
Live life to your fullest extent. That’s what the people in my life tell me all the time. I would love for people to take a walk in my shoes for once. Everyone looks at me like I’m some sort of freak. No one knows how hurt I am on the inside. I cry and cut. I cry because I cut. I cut because I like the feeling of the blade penetrating my skin. It feels like I’m letting something dark out. My scars let me know that I am real; they remind me of everything I go through. I used to be the kind of girl to smile when I was with my friends. I used to be happy every single day. Until the day my best friend Sam died. She and I were the best of friends. No matter what happened we were always by each other’s side. Maybe if I would have been with her that night I would have been able to save her.
I lay awake in my bed. Waiting for that buzzing to go off. Telling me to get up for another horrible day of school. An opportunity to be harassed by every kid in that hell hole. 5:44……. 5:45. Beep. Beep. Beep. I hit the button and throw my alarm clock at the wall. And mutter “piece of shit.” I role out of bed.
“Alex you’re going to be late if you don’t get your ass moving!!!!.” My mom shouts from downstairs. I hate when she shortens my name. What the hell why did she call me Alexavia if she wants to call me Alex.
“YES I KNOW!!!! I’M UP!” I shout back
Her voice gets louder, “Don’t give me attitude! I’m your mom show respect you spoiled bitch.”
It takes me about an hour to get ready. I walk down stairs with my things Look at my mom. See looks at me and stares.
She sighs. A heavy sigh. “Why on earth are you always wearing black and one thing that has color? You look like death. Get up stairs and find something else to wear.”
I shake my head no and continue walking to the door. “I’ll see you when I get home. Bye.”
“Whatever! But when the other kids at school harass you don’t come home upset!! I’m tired of it.” She calls to me.
•••
I walk up the side walk. Hear the kids waiting outside for the doors to open. I walk up to my usual spot where no one stands. After waiting for about 5 minutes, I see a shadow walking towards me. Great I think to myself. Someone is going to mess with me already.
A shy voice faintly speaks, “Hey... Umm can you help me, I’m Sebastian Knight? I’m new to this school. Just moved here. I don’t know where I’m going or anything.”
I look up he is smiling. His smile is making me weak in the knees. I look away. I don’t want to be rude. So I look back at him and clear my throat.
“Ugh hi. I’m Alexavia, ok let me see your schedule?” My voice feels like a whisper.
He is dressed in all black. His hair straightened. And my favorite brand of shoes. Converses!
“Here ya go,” he hands me his schedule. It looks exactly like mine.
I hesitate when I go to give him the schedule. The wind blows and I catch the faintest hint of Irish spring. And something else but I can’t quite make it out.
“I can just show you were to go. If you want. You have the same exact classes as me.” I hope he doesn’t think this means were friends.
He smiles an even bigger smile moves closer. I can smell Irish spring again. I take in a deep breath he smells amazing.
“So, what we just stand here until 8:45?” his voice is very deep. It gives me goose bumps. I take his sight in. Everything about him seems perfect. Then I notice scars are located on his right wrist. There are so many, more than I have. He notices me staring and quickly hides them with his sleeve.
He clears his throat and sighs a long and heavy sigh. “I know what you’re thinking. Oh a crazy kid. Well it’s not-”
I stop him before he can say another word I move my hand to my wrist pull all of the bracelets out of the way so he can have a look. I point and say, “Its fine I have scars too. Some are really old and then there are the fresh cuts.”
He looks at my arm and takes the view in. “Wow. Do you want to hang out after school? Maybe show me around?”
He really just asked me to hang out with him. That’s a new one. “I guess I can do that.”
"Alright! Sounds good. So how long have you been going to this school?" he was starting to ask me questions. Oh boy.
I sighed and said, "my whole life actually. I've always lived here with my mom."
"Oh how about your dad?"
"Well when I was about five years old he was on his way home from the bar. He was always drunk. And he he got in a car crash. The car hit a tree and he was stuck inside. The way the car hit the tree killed him before the ambulance even got there."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
I went to say it's fine but the bell rang interrupting our conversation.
We and on we went to first period.
•••
I finally had someone to sit with at lunch. During that Sebastian told me about him and his home life. It didn’t sound any better than what mine is. On our way to his house I told him about me, my mom and what happened to my best friend Sammy and why she had commit suicide. I learned that Sebastian lives with his dad and eleven year old brother. He barely sees both. His brother is usually with his mom. Who doesn’t want anything to do with him and his dad is always at work or the bar or at a random girl’s house.
His mom left when he was 14 years old. He told me his mom was kind of a nut. But it was mainly because of his father always cheating and coming home drunk. He told me that he had never had a girlfriend. I was surprised to hear that. He was infact very goodlooking.
We were sitting in the middle of the cafe. We were the only two sitting at the table.
"So how come you have never had a girlfriend?" I was so surprised that he didn't it was just weird.
He smiled at the question, "Well there's the first reason I find girls to be annoying and needy. All the girls I knew where very dramatic and cheated on all their boyfriends. And the second reason is I was only ever friends with two people. Their name's were Anya and Jackson. And the third I was unpopular most girls found me "distubing"." We both laughed at his answer.
At that time we made eye contact. It was a weird minute of just looking at each other. He didn't look away and neither did I. It was like my eyes were glued to his. I felt liked we were the only two in the cafe. I know it sounded weird but there was something I felt. I felt a pull towards him. I quickly looked away. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do.
The bell rang for lunch to be over. For the rest of the day we had our last classes.
When the school day eneded he met me at my locker. He told me we had to stop at his house first.

We arrived at his house which just so happened to be 4 houses down from mine. He unlocked the door and we went in. We walked up the stairs to his bedroom. He had a lock on his door? What does he have to hide from his dad and brother? When he opened the door I saw black. Nothing else but black. The walls, his bedding, and there was a black blanket hanging in front of the window blocking the sunlight from coming in. So he doesn’t like sunlight. He is more like me than I thought.
“I like to keep to myself a lot. Black makes me feel enclosed in an area. I don’t feel like people are invading my privacy.” He said with a sly smile on his face.
He had all these band posters scattered on his wall. Bring Me The Horizon, The Devil Wears Parada, Asking Alexandria, and all my other favorite bands. He is a cool guy good taste in music.
He went over to his bed set his stuff and sat down on the edge and started messing with his phone.
“Come on over and sit. I won’t bite. I promise.” He had the cutest smile ever. I loved his smile.
“Ok.” I walked over and put my things on the floor. I started to get the smell of his Irish spring scent. I started to shiver. It made me feel good inside. I have no clue why but his scent was driving me crazy.
“You cold?” He asked looking down at me.
I am so stupid. “Sort of.” He handed me a blanket that was black with purple in it. I wrapped it around me. The scent of him surrounds me. Shit I thought to myself. This is terrible.
“So what do you want to do? I can’t go out just yet we have to wait another 4 hours until my brother gets back so I can tell him to go next door. He isn't suppose to be home alone my dad doesn't trust him so they hired our neighbors to watch him."
I was going to be alone with him that long. Oh god. “I don’t know what is there to do.” I said.
He looked around his room. Sighed and said, “Well I’m a person that has no life so I don’t have any of the cool stuff people do. We can listen to music if you want.” He got up and went to his stereo.
Well he did have a nice butt I’ll give him that one. He grabbed a CD case and put one of his CD’s into the stereo. It started to play Asking Alexandria. Not The American Average. One of my favorite songs.
“I love this song.” I said this with a big smile on my face.
“Me too. I usually listen to this song every day.” He came back and sat next to me again this time a bit closer than before. Damn did he smell so good.
Halfway between the song he pumped his leg into mine. I did it back. After doing that a couple of times it started into him tickling me. For the love of god. I hate when people do that.
Then it turned into him pinning me down to the floor. He had my arms above my head and he was looking into my eyes. His gaze was intense. My breathing was very heavy. And so was his. I smiled and he smiled.
Before I knew what he was doing our lips touched. My eyes closed. I took in the way his lips moved against mine. His touch did something erotic to my