A Long and Lonely road - Maddy Crate (best e reader for epub TXT) 📗

 Mark had no idea what to do. They were just about to record a show and he had completely lost his voice, he couldn't even whisper! How is that even possible? He wasn't even a singer!

Mark mouthed English swear words angrily, in hopes that at least one of them would be heard, but to no avail. All he got was a curious yet amused Jackson. Not that he was complaining, but he kinda needed his voice too.

"Is there a reason that you're mouthing swear words or do you just hate everything?" Jackson giggled.

Mark managed to make a whining sound and flopped his head onto Jackson's lap. He looked up at the younger boy and made a face at him (he wasn't sure what type of face he pulled, he just let his facial muscles decide.)

"What's wrong? Do you not like the script? I admit, the part where Jaebum-" and off he went, chattering away, and Mark let him. It was nice to see (and hear) Jackson talk more, like when he hadn't been depressed.

 It wasn't forced and Jackson actually wanted to tell Mark these things, let him know what he thought, just so he could hear Mark speak and tell him what he thought.

Jinyoung walked up to the two and asked, "What's wrong with Mark? Or is this just some more 'Markson' for the world?"

Mark flailed his arms at him and pointed at his throat, before crossing his fingers to make an 'X'. He repeated this a couple times before Jinyoung understood.

"Ah, you lost your voice....crap, you lost your voice!"

"Who lost their voice?" The maknae asks.

"Mark."

"Mark lost his voice?" Jaebum joined in on repeating what Mark already knew.

"Well, what are we gonna do? It's not like we can give him a whiteboard and marker and expect him to communicate that way." Jaebum sighed.

----------

Mark sat at the back silently with his whiteboard, twisting around on his spinny chair in slight boredom.

Everyone had been active and contributed to the activities in some way and all Mark had done was look pretty and done a few martial arts tricks.

It was annoying, and now he was bored, left with nothing to do. Sadly, he started doing the gwiyomi song, the pout that he had unknowingly made out of sadness contributing to his cuteness.

He had gotten up to doing the whole song twice when someone finally noticed him.

"Ah, Mark...what are you doing?" One of the MCs laughed, pointing him out to the rest of the people present, even though Mark was pretty sure he heard some noonas making noises and comments about him of to the side.

Mark's only response to the MC was a half-hearted shrug and a sad puppy dog look, before he pulled two of his rubber bracelets off his wrist and started fiddling with them, twisting them and tying them into knots.

He heard some cooings of 'oh, how cute' from the female MC and a few of his members, but he wasn't really paying attention as he was too busy moping, so when Jackson pulled him closer in an attempt to soothe him, he just ended up with Mark's head on his shoulder. Which, of course, got more cooings.

----------

Mark had gone several hours without his voice and his mood was becoming worse and worse, quickly making the sweet young man, sour.

At one point he almost waved off Jackson, before remembering that he was only being sulky and he would rather Jackson wasn't upset with him.

They were going to have dance practice now, learning and going through the choreography for 'Just Right'.

Mark liked the choreo, it was fun, bouncy and impressive (he thought). There was just a lot of switching positions that they found a bit hard.

Also, he rather liked the fact that he could sing along in English, in his head, as he danced. He could make up scenes and scenarios of him and a certain someone whilst listening to the song and still dance properly, so used to the dance routine now that he could do it on autopilot.

Though, being trapped in his own head when dancing also had it's disadvantages. At some point during the day, he had switched to English completely, not really bothering with try to communicate with anyone, so when Jaebum called him and the others over to talk more about the choreography and spoke directly to him, he was mostly lost.

He raised his hand in the air in a 'stop', panicking at the fact that he couldn't understand him.

"What?" He managed to croak out in English, and rather than being happy over finally being able to say a word, he was stilled confused.

"농담 그만 , 우리는 연습을 해야합니다!" Jaebum scolded, well, Mark assumed he was scolding him, but all he could really understand was 'stop' and 'we'.

"Seriously, I can't remember any of my Korean. I can't understand you." Mark said in a very husky voice, throat sore and eyes wide with panic.

Jackson, quickly understood the situation and translated for his hyung. The members faces ranged from amused, unimpressed and pitying. Mark found himself wanting to punch someone, but held the urge down because abuse is wrong.

Jaebum told Jackson something, to which he turned around with his thinking face on,"Jaebum-hyung said that we're going to dance in groups of three, so that there's less people to worry about when we switch positions."

Mark nods at him gratefully, patting his cheek before walking to Youngjae who dutifully tells him who he is with.

---------

Jackson had been dancing for hours on end, along with the others, and it was starting to get to get to everyone. Especially Mark, who's pout had intensified throughout the day.

Jackson hoped it wouldn't be permanent, because as freaking adorable as it was, he much rathered seeing him smile. And hearing his voice.

Jaebum finally called the quits and everyone just kind of collapsed next to their water bottles.

Jackson half-crawled half-slid across the floor towards Mark, the intense need to be near the oldest member was something Jackson thought would never change.

"You okay?" He asked in Korean, before repeating in English.

All he got was a thumbs up. Jackson suddenly launched into a tale about HongKong (seeing as his hyung wouldn't be able to talkanytime soon), loud enough for everyone to hear, and secretly dubbed the situation as 'Story Time' in his head.

He told them all about his fencing and his family, then talked about the neighborhood he lived in and all his neighbors. He told them all about his home, repeating stories he had told them before, and telling them ones they had never heard. He said all of it with such a deep and intense fondness that it reminded everyone of the way he talks about Mark.

With love.



This is so cheesy I have lost the ability to stop cringing. That's all I'm doing now, cringing.

Jackson stared at the lines on his body. Not the natural ones made by time and habits. The ones made by him, one awful habit. Mark seemed to be upset with him, even if he insisted he was fine, he didn't like the way Jackson thought, the idea that he had. 

"Do I really have to tell Yugyeom? Because, everything has been fine and Yugyeom's young-"

"Jackson, I know you're scared to tell him, but it isn't fair to leave him out in this. Everyone else knows." Mark had soothed him, placated him with sweet words and soft touches. But Jackson was nothing, if not stubborn.

In the end Mark had left, frustrated with his best friend, and unwilling to tell him that what he thought was a good idea.

Jackson hadn't cut because of the minor argument, but he still stared at the old scars his body held. His thighs were especially scarred, lines going in every direction. They were chosen to take most of the pain, because that's where no one would ever see. Not without being extremely perverted and having their actions frowned upon.

He supposed that he would tell Yugyeom. (He was going to anyway, but no one else knew that.) He may be the maknae, and not as well versed in these sort of things, but he had experienced other things, lots of pressure and hate and unhealthy life styles. Yugyeom could deal with this. So could Jackson.

Steeling himself, Jackson left his room to find Mark and Yugyeom. Mark was in the kitchen on his phone, watching a random YouTube video he found amusing. 

The second he heard footsteps, he looked up. Jackson gave him a quick nod and told him to grab his wallet and get ready to go out. Mark didn't question him, but heard him talking to Yugyeom about getting food and going for a walk with him and 'Mark hyung'.

Jaebum gave Mark a look when he passed him, basically telling him that he must be responsible when they're out, because he's the oldest.

Jackson took his two companions to a small corner store, had Mark buy them ice creams and proceded to lead them randomly through out streets and alleyways.

As Mark and Yugyeom ate their ice creams, Jackson told them things. Random things to more important things, licking his ice cream if it got too melty. 

He started off telling them all about his old school in Hong Kong, going on to telling them about fencing and his family. He spoke seriously, lacking the joking air that he usually held around him. He told them his thoughts about the world, and then his old thoughts, the ones he used to think about himself, to his current feelings. 

He let loose a few secrets he had held close, and told them things about himself he hadn't realised until then, when he just couldn't stop talking and he was finally being alerted by his subconscious that these were things that he did/was/thought.

***

Mark had stared at the sky while they walked and talked, holding Jacksons hand, trusting that he would lead him safely.

He watched as it changed colors. He watched as all sorts of clouds drifted past at different paces. He watched as the sky turned different hues and birds flowed across the sky's large expanse.

Eventually, stars started twinkling behind those clouds and birds, and Mark pretended he knew constellations and created shapes in his head.

There was a crown, there was a flower, there was banana. There was the number 7.

It was rather pretty. Not with purples and greens like on Google Images. Just one, large, navy blue canvas with white dots spattered across it.

***

Yugyeom had spent the entire time contemplating. He compared all of his thoughts to Jackson's. He realised things about the world and noticed the things Jackson (and ocassionally) Mark pointed out to him.

There was a lot that he had missed out on because he had become a trainee (and then an idol) and now some of those things had become clearer to him. He knew there was a lot that he would never be able to experience, just like the other members, there were opportunities he had missed out on.

He looked at his elders intwined hands and felt a flood of affection towards the two, and the rest of his group. How long would they last? How long will they stay together with