She is the one by Asheslove (that summer book .TXT) 📗

'Did you forget me'.

'How...how can you came back, you'd gone' I whispered looking at him in mirror.

'Gone why? because you killed me'.

'I didn't, I had already told you it just happened, I didn't have control on myself then, I didn't have any intention of killing you' I cried looking at my hands.

'You have my blood on your hands, you took my life. How does it felt, does you enjoyed killing me like these monsters now you are living in between'. 

'No, no' I cried.

'I felt horrible, I am not like these monsters. I had told you many times I am sorry I didn't ment to kill you but leave me please. I am tired, please don't come back' I weeped holding my face.

'How can I leave you, I am a constant reminder of your actions. Didn't you remember how you -

'Noo’ “I didn’t remember anything, that was not me, I forget everything what happened that day so go away, goo” I screeched this time my confidence shattering as my voice started to tremble again.

‘That was you Elena, you are the one who killed me, you are a monster, this is the real you with whom you can’t escape, and you can’t hide. You can’t hide from yourself’ the voices started ringing in air.

​​​​​
“Stop this and go away, I left you behind so just leave me, don’t came back to me again’ I cried clutching my face and hairs, my inside started to believe in these voices.
This feeling, this fear, this terror is retuning again. The fear which I was most scared to face again is returning.
Whatever I did six years ago was not only my past it was the reason of my trauma, my pain and my suffering. On that dreadful day I met with the other self of my, the self which I don’t know even exist inside me till then, the Elena which I don’t even believe myself, which tremble and horrify my soul with fear. After that incident I become self destructive. 

I had seen the worst of me and it took me two years to get the urge to harm myself under control. My family tried to console me saying I hadn’t done anything wrong, saying I was brave to take that step, whatever happened was not my fault. My mind fights everytime with me trying to make me believe that it was all just happened at instant, all the reasonings were true but my soul won’t accept it. Again and again it made me realize what I did was wrong, it didn’t let the reasons justified the blood on my hands. My mind kept saying and trying to fight with my soul that the man I killed deserved to die, I was not responsible for taking his life, his sin was unforgivable and beyond redemption but my soul, my heart knows it doesn’t matter what he deserved or not, none of these explanations and reasons gave right to me to take someone’s life.
I am scared of blood because it made me remember of that day again, that Elena which killed someone, whom I never want to witness again. 

I am not that and I will never turn back into that again I promised myself this then why are these back. I tried to forget everything but my fear, my remorse and guilt was much greater so I decided to escape by fading all memories. I learned how to ignore the blood on my hands and that helped, my wounds heal and the images fade away with time leaving behind only their scars but when Nicolas kidnapped me and I saw blood on him, after six years my fear felt returning. When he manhandled me, when he forced me and when he killed those man on that day my heart shuddered to face my fear and past again and just like I feared it returned, my fading memories become fucking clear again, the clouds which were hiding them disappeared.

‘You are a killer Elena, a murderer’ voices kept echoing all around me and screaming in my head.
‘No I am not, stop, just fucking stop’ I cried.

‘You are not’ my mind laughed again at me.
‘Look at yourself, look at this blood on yourself. Do you still think you are not’.
I looked down at my bloody hands. 

'There’s no blood’ I whispered to myself, tears rolling down my chin. No, I will remove this blood. 

‘I will remove it, I will wash this blood away from me’ I started chanting and tuning on the tap put my hands in running water and started rubbing them furiously but instead of coming out it was only increasing, tuning the water red. 

‘Why isn’t it coming out’ I whimpered and run towards the shower. Without removing the cloths I entered in the chilled water. I kept rubbing my face, scrubbing my hands my cloths harshly to remove the red liquid from me, to wash away the blood from me but it still wasn't coming off. I looked down and all I see is red water flowing.
‘You can’t remove it from yourself, this is a part of your deeds and nothing in this world can remove this blood from you’ the sounds around me called. I run back to the mirror. The Elena covered in blood appeared again in front of me.

‘Leave me, stop this, this is not me’ 

‘Please go away’ I shouted and broke into tears.
‘Stop now, for god’s sake please stop. I don’t want to suffer again, please, please leave me. Why are you back when I left you behind’ I kept saying and wailing miserably in my broken voice.

‘You never left us Elena; you just hide from yourself and it is you who brought us back. You can't run  from your own guilt’
“No, it is not me. You are back because he killed someone in front of me, then go to them, they are killers,  they are monsters not me’ I screamed curling my palms into fists in anger.

‘Like you are any less then them, it is you who’s covered in blood. It was you who killed that man six years ago, it was you who kept hitting him again and again…’ and before that voice finish I smashed my fist on the mirror 

“Just fucking stop” I screamed and my knuckles again came in contact with the mirror. I smashed my fist again and again and again until the mirror shattered into pieces and scattered in all directions. My knuckles started to bleed when pieces of mirror sank inside my skin but I kept hitting it without caring about the blood dripping down.