Meagan Brewer - EverCaptivating (life changing books to read TXT) 📗

friends, I hoped, and he could stay here, but he was probably doing me a favor by leaving. I would want too much in the end and he would have to leave, like all the rest.

M.B.

Friday, June 25th, 2010

Charlie moved out on June eleventh, he was gone before I got up for work. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen his car in the parking lot, but we seem to miss each other in the office, if he was avoiding me on purpose, he was doing a fantastic job. I feel like a ghost these days. I don’t remember much about my workday other than the fact that my house is empty when I get home, as empty as my heart feels. I fell in love with my best friend and he… didn’t want me.

Luckily, I have people in my life that need me and they act as a buffer to my throbbing thoughts of him. For the bachelorette party I put on a good face for the girls, stored away my aching heart, and make sure everyone enjoyed themselves, especially Kristy. We drank too much and laughed until our insides hurt. The strippers I got were more than Kristy could handle, but the single ladies went wild for them. Kristy and I sat back laughing as we watched our friends stuff dollar bills into their thongs. It was my first night out since Charlie left, mostly because I didn’t want to, I couldn’t, but tonight I was making a point to have a good time for Kristy and it was worth it.

Not being able to talk to Charlie as I used to makes it feel as if there is hole ripped in my heart, as if there was an open wound there. If only we could be friends, if nothing else that would make this better. He was right when he said men and women could never be friends, because one of them will fall for the other one… and ruin

everything.

He kissed me and realized he didn’t want me. If I had spoken up, if I had kissed him back the way I wanted to our lives might be different.

No, he did not want me. He said so. He didn’t want me because I was a mess and he knows me better than anyone does. He knows not to get involved with Meagan Disaster Brewer.

I hate this, the way I feel empty and pitiful when I am alone, without him. I look at this diary and think what a stupid girl I am.

Terra made a comment today about my behavior; she had noticed my lack of enthusiasm and thought it was because I hadn’t been out in a while. She tried to get me to join her tonight, but I didn’t want to try that hard. I cannot make myself chat with people and play the pick-me-up games. I was happy for Terra though, she was enjoying her freedom and her wild side. Not one man had hurt her lately; she refused to live under the idea that she had to have a man in her life. She liked being on her own.

I wish

I were better on my own.

It’s a good thing the wedding is soon, Kristy and her plans help to take my mind off everything. Charlie won’t be there, I’m sure of it, but it would be nice if he did for Kristy. I had asked her if he canceled, but she said she hadn’t heard from him.
M.B.

Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

The wedding was mostly perfect, except for few hiccups with the dress and a pair of size six feet that grew cold before she walked down the aisle, but Terra and I talked Kristy through it.

The church was breathtakingly beautiful with pink roses and cream silk ribbons, timeless vows were repeated, and the reception was as brilliant as Kristy planned. She had her swan and tulip dream cake that was six tiers high. The ballroom was elegantly decorated in her color theme of cream and pink. Large floral bouquets adorned each table and the aroma of the roses and orange blossoms where rich as everyone mingled and chatted. I cried as Kristy and Josh took their first dance together, more for me, I think.

Everything I was responsible for was finally over and I took a seat at a table near the exit door to rest and have some champagne. As I watched the groomsmen with the groom standing in a circle doing shots of liqueur and shouting cheers, I felt someone touch my shoulder.

I was surprised when I turned to see Charlie standing beside me. He was devastatingly handsome in a black suit and tie, at first I couldn’t believe he came and yet I was thankful he had, even if he hated me. My heart did flips in my chest as I took him in. He stood tall at my side as I looked up into his eyes; they looked gray in the dim light of the ballroom. He asked me to dance and offered me his hand. I took it wordlessly and he led me onto the crowded dance floor.

I was thinking, maybe he had forgiven me and hoped he thought we could be friends again.

The music was slow, Charlie wrapped his arm around my waist, and I lightly placed my hand on his shoulder, while he cupped my other hand and led the dance. His feet were steady and we glided gracefully along the floor.

The first words he spoke were, ‘You look beautiful tonight.’ Ignoring him I looked around the dance floor at the all the ladies in their beautiful dresses and careful men leading them around us.

“So, now you're talking to me.” My tone was harder than I had intended.

“I’m sorry about that. I have been meaning to call you.” He turned us towards the center of the floor and the music swam around us in wavelets.

“So, why haven’t you?” I looked at his face as I said it, trying to speak above the music so he could hear me. He bent down to speak in my ear. “Because I was an idiot and I’m sorry.”

I grimaced. “That’s not an excuse.” I tried to make some distance between us, I could feel his chest on mine, but his strong arms pulled my waist closer to him. He spoke in my ear again. “I left because I realized I wanted you more than I should.”

The warmth of his breath on my ear sent shivers down my spine. I bit my lip, refusing to say anything. He continued. “That night I kissed you, I knew I shouldn’t have, because I would end up hurting you, but these past few weeks I’ve realized… I don’t want to be without you.”

He looked into my eyes after he spoke, those gray storms bore into me, making my bones turn to sponge, and my pulse quickened. “You left…” I started, but he interrupted me by pressing his lips to mine. A fervency of wanting and longing were in them, the kiss sent my head spinning, and my body was so close to his now that I could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. My pulse quickened too.

I pulled away from his kiss and his embrace. I hated him for leaving, for the sudden changes I couldn’t keep up with, and for wanting me now. It wasn’t fair to do this here. I stalked off the dance floor and out of the hall into a lobby near the front desk. I needed to think without all the noise of the reception in my head.

He followed. “Meagan! Wait... listen. I know I was fool for leaving. Men can be complete idiots.”

“I don’t need advice on the idiocy of the male species tonight. What do you think you’re doing? Playing with me. You knew how I felt and you left.”

“I know… and I was wrong. I should have talked to you, I should have tried…” He trailed off, running his hands through his hair. His eyes were still gray like a deplorable rainstorm.

“And now you think this is a good time?” My voice was a menacing whisper.

“Meagan, I’m trying to pour my heart out to you and you are acting like I’m some loser you met at a bar.” He was some guy I once met at a bar and I cracked a smile as Charlie grabbed my face. “I love you. I love how you make me feel. I miss coming home to you and I even miss you yelling at me about my shoes being in the middle of the floor. I miss making sure that you have everything you need before you leave because you always forget something.” He smiled at the thought, but his voice stayed earnest as he continued. “I miss being near you and I… I just want a chance to love you. ”

My thoughts swam in a blur because of the storming sincerity in his eyes. The fight we had the night he kissed me, the mornings we joked about being husband and wife, our little arguments over dishes and shoes, watching our favorite films, pigging out on cheesecake, and all the doubts that had been playing havoc with my heart since he moved out. All of it was a crazy push-and-pull of two scared people, sweet and sometimes sour, but both together were a great combination. So, the pain and doubts no longer mattered anymore because he did love me, he was scared, but he wanted me.

He was here.

“I missed you too.” I was able to say in a whisper before he kissed me again. I couldn’t hate him anymore after those words.

Right now as I write, I’m lying beside someone that I didn’t expect to be here with me tonight.

Nevertheless, here lies a man that knows me better than anyone else, a beautiful man that loves me as I am, and I know I was looking for Mr. Right, but I think that Charlie is more than that, he is my Mr. Forever.

M.B.

Text: Cover Art by Strike-a-Pose Photography, Cheryl KreaseVisit: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Strike-a-Pose-Photography/128234260593077
Publication Date: 03-27-2011

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