Get Over Him Its Not Worth It - By: Alisha Aristil (best romance novels of all time .TXT) 📗

Get Over Him

Its Not Worth IT


Chapeter One


He is gone. And it hurts-bad--but your world must go on. Ten ways to dry your tears and lighten your heart.
It's over. Maybe it was his idea to part ways, maybe it was yours. Perhaps he was a horror and you're glad to have escaped him. Or possibly he was a nice guy, but just not The One. Either way, he's now officially your ex. And it hurts. Hey, we've been there, so we know your pain. A breakup--even a "good" breakup--is most often painful, disappointing and difficult. But look at it this way: If he's not with you, he's not for you.

You may miss his looks, his kiss, his companionship. But if he didn't make you feel like a queen, then leaving him was your best move. Your next best one: Move on! But breaking up is more than just saying good-bye. It's easy to delete his number from your speed dial; it's harder to get him out of your heart. The process doesn't happen overnight. Truly getting over someone takes effort. Here are some tips to help you get him off your mind--and maybe have a little fun in the process.

Set a deadline. Okay, let it out: Moan, groan, complain, cuss, whine and pine. Call your best friend and cry like a 3-year-old. Grieve hard--but not forever Pull out your calendar and choose a date when you'll dry your tears and pull yourself together. If you use your grieving time well, you'll express your most potent pent-up emotions. And by that time you're likely to be sick of yourself anyway. (Your best friend definitely will be.

Don't let the pity party go on too long. If you're constantly thinking and talking about him--even about how terrible he was for you--it's as if he's still in your life. Let it out. Then let it go. Clean house. No, don't drown your sorrows in Ajax and ammonia. Get rid of his stuff. Clean out your closets and cabinets, and throw out (or return) all of it--his toothbrush, that sweater you borrowed and anything else he left there. Research shows that we get physically addicted to the pheromones secreted by the person we sleep with. That's why it's so hard to break up with someone, and all the more reason to get his stuff out of your house. Psychologically, you're telling yourself you're making room for something (or someone!) new.

Chapter Two


Adopt a pet. Experts say interacting with pets can reduce blood pressure, increase the rate of healing and ease depression. Pet therapists use animals to help alleviate these symptoms among critically ill patients, and there's no reason you can't glean the same benefits. You'd be amazed at how comforting you'll find the attentions of a sweet kitten or frisky pup. And if it was a nasty breakup, adopt a pit bull and take him for frequent walks around your ex's block. (Just kidding!)


Write about it. Seasoned writers have turned their real-life romance fiascoes into fiction. Just imagine: "He" ends up losing his job, his hair and the woman he left you for, while "you" meet a tall, handsome stranger who has a Ph.D., a six-figure salary and an even bigger heart. If your writing's not ready for prime time, then buy a beautiful journal. It's a safe place to express your disappointment, reflect on what happened and make a list of all the qualities you're looking for in your next mate.


Spend time with friends. Call your girlfriends and make a date for lunch or a movie. You may have neglected them a little since you fell head over heels (we've all done it), and now find that you miss the intimacy you shared with your sisters. Besides, there's no better place to go to for sympathy than to your girls.


If you have a trusted male friend you can confide in, he may be able to help you see your situation from a man's perspective so you can gain some clarity on what happened with your ex. Just make sure your "friend" is an absolutely platonic one. This is definitely not the time to start something on the rebound that will complicate your current situation.


Do something you've always wanted to do. Forget about all your pie-in-the, sky couple-oriented plans. What have you always dreamed of doing? If you've been procrastinating about making a major move (leaving that dead-end job, moving to a nicer neighborhood), now's the time. Learn to box, go hang-gliding or take a class toward your degree. You'll learn to do something exciting or useful, and you'll also get a special sense of accomplishment because you did it on your own.


Pretend he moved to Siberia. If he's someplace incommunicado, you won't be tempted to call him and get some mess started. You'll think of new people for movie dates, another strategy for getting your oil changed and perhaps some alternatives to the other--ahem!--pleasures you shared.


Have a sweet indulgence. Savor one exquisite truffle or scoop of Belgian-chocolate ice cream. Chocolate contains a natural amphetamine, phenylethylamine (PEA)--the same one our brains produce to make us feel giddy and delicious when we fall in love. When we fall out of love, we have PEA withdrawal.
Better yet, pass on the candy altogether and go to the gym. Exercise releases endorphins, one of your body's natural mood enhancers (and you'll look fabulous if you run into him again).


Get down! Dancing helps you express feelings, says Sally L. Totenbier, a registered dance-movement therapist and public-relations chairperson for the American Dance Therapy Association. In a major life change, you need to get those feelings out. But it's not time to hit the clubs, she says. You don't want to be anywhere that seems like a meat market. Instead, take a group class. Try belly dancing, African dance or salsa. Doing something physical releases tension, and some dance therapists say that moving your belly and backside gives you a safe way to express those pent-up sexual feelings.

Chapter Three

Otherwise turn on the stereo and blast something with a beat and lyrics that express what you want to say. (Sing "Respect" with Aretha, Erykah Badu's "Tyrone" or anything from Waiting to Exhale.) Whatever you do, don't play "your song."

Meet someone new: You. Give yourself time to digest the deeper meaning of the breakup and figure out the lessons. Do your love affairs always seem to follow the same script? Did you move too fast? Too slowly? Were there warning signs to heed the next time you meet someone? Figure out your relationship patterns so you won't keep making the same mists. Forget what he did wrong; your most progressive move is to confront your own issues. Then you can pick up the pieces and get back out there. If this was Mr. Wrong, Mr. Right is waiting for you.

Breakups are the worst invention in the history of man. Nobody enjoys them. We yell, then we cry, eat 6 gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream by ourselves, watch anti-men movies like Thelma and Louise, and refuse to leave the house for weeks. Isn't there a better way to do this? There has to be an easier way than the fighting, screaming, name calling, vase throwing madness that is most breakups.

Maybe one day we'll figure out a better way to go through breakups. But till then, they're going to be hard. No matter what happened between you and your ex, it's time to move on. But how do you start that process? I'm assuming you've already tried vase throwing and name calling. Those are good and necessary tools, but now you should be ready to try a more civil approach. Better for your chi.


This includes everything from a diamond necklace to a post-it note that he wrote you. I'm not saying you have to get rid of them for good, but put them in storage or in the bottommost part of your closet, even underneath that horrid 1970s Christmas sweater you wore to a party once. If you start taking a peek, give everything to a friend or torch it all (safely of course). The term "out of sight, out of mind" is actually spot on, so keeping anything that reminds you of your ex out of sight will help you to think about him less.

You'll need your friends and family's help on this one. Tell them that you are here and now, as of this very moment, not allowed to say your ex's name. Make sure your loved ones police you on this--and even come up with a punishment if you do slip and say his name. For maximum effect, make the punishment a chore you hate to do.

If you're feeling bummed about the breakup, spend your days laughing. Laughter is the easiest way to get your positive attitude back. It's impossible to be sad while laughing, right? Put in your favorite gut-busting laughter movies, listen to great comedy CDs in the car, and tell hilarious stories when you're out with your friends. If you keep yourself laughing, soon enough you'll forget completely about your ex and how lame he was!
Avoid places and things you used to do solely with your ex. You don't have to deprive yourself of ever seeing another movie or anything, but stay away from your old haunts. If you used to go to the same bar every weekend or eat at that really good Italian spot 6 times a month, those are the spots to avoid. Give yourself this opportunity to find new hangout spots and explore new discoveries.

The easiest way to forget about the past is to focus on something in the present. Even if you're not in school anymore, there is still much to learn in the world! Give yourself a learning project, whether it's taking a beginning guitar class, reading 100 classic novels or learning about the mating habits of butterflies. Focus on putting more wrinkles in your brain and you'll soon forget about the drama in your personal life.

Most people would tell you to start dating again. But soon after a breakup, I consider that a mistake…for you and the poor guy you end up using as a rebound! Instead, hang out with your friends and family--people who love you already and can help you build yourself back up after your breakup. Once you're feeling good again, that's the time to get back out there in the dating world.
Journal writing is a great way to get over anything. It gives you a chance to sit down with your feelings and really hash things out with yourself. If you've never tried journal writing before, give it a shot. List all the problems you had with your ex, write about the time when you wanted to leave his cheating ass at Disneyland, get it all out. This will help you on the recovery highway to getting over your ex.
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Take some special "you" time, to make yourself look as hot as possible. Make time for bubble baths, manis and pedis, and facials, massages…anything you can afford or get your hands on.