How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #2) - DeYtH Banger, Clive Cooper (read me like a book .TXT) đ
- Author: DeYtH Banger, Clive Cooper
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In the moment, you might only be able to think of mentioning the weather.
But the important thing isnât always the topic you throw out there first. Itâs the second topic discovered along the way that matters.
For example, if thereâs a lull in the conversation and you bring up the weather, maybe the other person talks about the rain for a second too.
But somewhere in there, she mentions how her puppy got drenched in the storm because the doggie door was stuck shut.
Do you think she has an emotional attachment to her puppy and would enjoy talking about that?
You betcha!
Thing is, you got to that fun topic by way of a mundane one.
Now, just ask a question or make a statement about the âfree informationâ of the puppy to keep the chat goingâŠ
âOh, how old is your puppy?
OR
âHaha, it sounds like you wish your puppy were here right now!â
Step 5: Share Some of Yourself
This last step is the âmagicâ ingredient that can seriously reduce the awkward silences you encounter.
See, if youâre shy, being open about your thoughts and opinions can feel scary.
Thatâs because you may have been embarrassed in the past for not fitting in. So you become fearful of saying the âwrong thingâ and making a fool of yourself.
If youâre introverted, you might have a similar reluctance to share your inner world because you feel itâs private. You only share with people you know well and trust.
I understand both ways of thinking (because I have been shy and I am introverted).
But if you donât share your thoughts, opinions and experiences with people by TELLING THEM, youâre seriously limiting your conversations and your relationships.
Take the example above of the puppy in the rain.
Maybe you could share with the person YOUR stories of puppies youâve had. Or, you could talk about how youâre not a dog person and youâve always liked cats.
WhateverâŠ
The idea is by revealing some of yourself, you start to build a connection. The person begins to feel theyâre getting to know you.
This is the âmagicâ that breaks down the barrier of rigid and uncertain conversation.
The more two people feel they know each other, the more their conversations begin to flow like it does between true friends (unless the two people are incompatible somehow).
When you make a habit of disclosing relevant experiences, opinions and facts from your life like this, your relationships evolve.
You bond faster and become much less likely to experience awkward silences.
Take Action
So obviously you want to follow the steps above when you run out of things to say. But do yourself a favorâŠ
Donât be so hard on yourself if things donât go perfectly the very next time you hit a quiet streak.
This takes practice. The more you work on moving through the steps, the easier it becomes. You get accustomed to casually and confidently âfishingâ for new topics.
7 Warning Signs That Youâre A Boring Conversationalist
How can you tell if youâre boring someone to tears in a conversation?
Maybe you notice them looking everywhere but at you Maybe their tone of voice screams âIâd rather be anywhere else right nowâ Maybe they fall asleep on the front of a ship while youâre discussing the cosmosWhat?
Just me?
RightâŠ
But are you really boring people in your conversations or just imagining it? How can you tell? And how can you be more engaging and interesting instead?
Here are 7 unexpected boredom-inducing warning signs to look out for in YOUR conversations. If youâre doing one or more of these, itâs very likely people are leaving chats with you wishing they could have those minutes of their life back.
1. Your Life Isnât Interesting
One reason you may bore others is you arenât excited about YOUR life.
Are you actively pursuing hobbies, goals and dreams that interest you and give you passion? Or do you go home every day after school or work to play video games, watch TV or surf the web?
Donât get me wrong, you donât have to always say interesting things or impress others. But sharing new experiences and passions with people spices up the relationship. Plus, the more you experience in life, the more youâll be able to relate with others.
So figure out what youâre interested in. Figure out your passions. Then start living them.
2. You Over Think What to Say Next
Do you often try to say the âright thing?â Maybe you worry about offending people or saying something embarrassing?
Look, we all have this hang up to a certain degree, but itâs easy to take too far.
Itâs easy to develop a subconscious filter that keeps telling you, âdonât say that, itâs not good enough.â So guess what, you donât say it. OR you think up 20 different ways to say something before the phrase leaves your mouth.
The result is you end up being quiet, stuffy and boring.
The truth is, you need to lower the bar of what comes out of your mouth. Try more to say what comes to mind first in conversations. This leads to more energetic and spontaneous chats.
3. Youâre Cynical and Negative Much of the Time
Iâm not going to tell you to be bubbly and positive all the time. Everyone has their worries and frustrations. People who actlike theyâre always in a good mood make me want to vomit.
On the other hand, if youâre reliably negative and cynical, who the hell wants to be around that? That gets old just as fast.
So if you pride yourself on your ârealisticâ donât-get-your-hopes-up view on life, donât. Itâs nothing to be proud of.
Instead, find something to laugh about every day. Do something nice for someone from time to time. Begin to break up that dark cloud.
4. Youâre Always Polite, Nice and Proper
Nice guys (and gals) finish last.
At least in the social sense, this is often the case. Because well, itâs boring.
If youâre ALWAYS following âproper social etiquetteâ and doing whatâs expected, you seem less interesting.
Spice it up a bit:
Be challenging and tease people in a fun joking way Curse sometimes if youâre comfortable with it and itâs not totally inappropriate Reveal something slightly embarrassing about yourself
Iâm not suggesting you be a jerk. But often, shy and socially insecure people try to be âperfectâ socially so no one has a reason to criticize them. Yet by acting so bland and predictable, they also achieve the opposite. They donât give people a reason to notice them.
5. You Talk Too Much or Too Little About Yourself
Youâve probably been assaulted before by the motor mouth who wonât shut up. You know that gets boring so if youâre doing that, stop. Try to listen more.
But the opposite is just as bad for turning people off.
If you donât reveal anything about yourself, others donât get to know you. If they donât get to know you, they wonât form a true connection with you. They might think youâre nice and all, but a deeper friendship just wonât seem interesting.
Bottom line: Let people know who you are. If you donât, theyâll soon get bored with the relationship and with you.
6. You Lack Good Eye Contact
Eye contact is a huge social stimulant. It emotionally engages the other person on a primal level.
So if you lack eye contact, your interactions are less stimulating (i.e. boring). Which means others discount the interaction and they discount you. In the end, this leads to you getting ignored a lot more.
Not only that, if you lack good eye contact people assume you arenât really interested in the interaction. So to save their pride, they wonât invest in the interaction either.
7. The Other Person Actually Tells You Youâre Boring
For the next month or so, assume the ONLY reliable sign youâre boring is if someone tells you so to your face.
Hereâs whyâŠ
Itâs often dangerous to read too much into the actions of others, especially for shy or socially insecure people.
They often assume every âbadâ outcome in an interaction is their fault.
Bob excuses himself from a chat with you so you think youâre boring Rachelâs eyes dart around the room as you talk so you think she canât wait to leave A group pays more attention to Evan than to you so you think you just canât compareThese could be signs that one or more of the above warning signs are holding you back. But often theyâre not.
Maybe Bob just saw a friend he hasnât met in years and excuses himself to go talk Maybe Rachel is expecting her roommate to arrive soon so sheâs keeping an eye out Maybe Evan just has a greater rapport with the group than you for nowSo often, our negative (unrealistic) beliefs about ourselves cause us to create meanings that just arenât true. In other words, you believe you are boring so your mind finds âevidenceâ of this even when it doesnât exist.
Instead, try assuming you are interesting. Then push through the negative signs you think youâre getting from others. Unless they tell you, âthis is boringâ and walk away, stick in there longer than you normally would.
Many times, youâll find the other person IS happy to be talking with you. It was just your imagination making things seem worse than they are.
We all want to be interesting so people respect and like us.
But being interesting isnât always about being wild, zany or âon-cueâ funny.
Being interesting is often about being REAL. In my experience, following the tips above is a great start to becoming authentically interesting.
So that not only will people pay more attention to youâŠtheyâll want to stick around for the long haul too.
How to Start a Conversation, Part 3: What to Talk About?
This is where you start to sweat.
Youâve smiled. Said hello. Responded with, âIâm fine. How are you?â
Now what?
That eternal question right? What do I talk about? Because if you donât come up with something⊠*crickets*
Awkward!
Fortunately, most times you can start a conversation by remembering just two topics. Oh. And thereâs one you probably want to avoid, at least at first.
Two topics to keep in mind:
Letâs go through both in more detail and then weâll talk logistics.
Whatâs Going On?
How to start a conversation? Good question and using your shared situation with another person is one of the best answers.
I mean, itâs common sense, but if thereâs something in your environment you can both relate to, thatâs a perfect starting point.
Look around for anything worth pointing out or consider the occasion for being where you are.
This can be obvious like an interest group youâre in, say like a running group. Since youâre both there, you obviously share an interest in running. So talk running:
You: âHey. So, what do you think about the route today? Lots of hills, huh?â
Other Person: âYeah, there are. I need to build my leg strength though, so Iâm looking forward to it.â
It can also be about something that just happened. Say youâre waiting in line at a coffee shop and someone orders an Orange Mocha Frappachino. This is an opportunity to turn to the person next to you:
âAn Orange Mocha Frappachino? That sounds crazy! Have you ever tried that? No? Yâknow, I actually wouldnât mind trying something new today. Whatâs a good one you always get?â
Cold, Isnât It?
In fact, the ultimate situational opener is the uber-clichĂ© of conversation â the weather. Thatâs because everyone can relate to the weather; itâs something we all experience and have an emotional attachment to.
This is the basis of starting a conversation about the situation. It makes sense to talk to about something both of you can immediately relate to.
Start a Conversation Using the Hottest Topic of the Last 3,000 Years
People have always been more interested in themselves than just about anything else. Why not use this to your advantage?
Look for something about the person you can ask about or comment on.
For example, maybe a guy has a nice watch. Say you like it. Ask where he got it or what kind is it.
Perhaps you hear a woman talking with a strong accent. Mention you love her accent and just have to know where sheâs from.
What are they doing, talking about, reading, etc. If youâre positive and friendly in your approach, people are often more inclined to talk about themselves than
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