Brain on Porn (Social #2) - DeYtH Banger (a book to read TXT) 📗

this occurred, she began to believe that if she felt a certain way or a negative thought entered her head, then it must be a true and accurate representation of her and who she is.

To help Sarah, we taught her about the Self-Referencing Center, a specific part of the brain that can cause us to filter incoming information as having something to do with us. You could just as easily call this potentially unhelpful part of the brain the "It's All About Me!" Center. When our thoughts about life and ourselves are generally positive and aligned with our true goals in life, it's not too much of a problem for this part of the brain to be active - it leads to empathy and allows us to understand other people.

However, for Sarah, and many people like her who deal with frequent deceptive brain messages, funneling interactions, events and thoughts about ourselves through this center when the negative thoughts and feelings are running rampant can be quite harmful. Rather than helping us attune to others, it causes us to berate and dislike ourselves, often leading to anxiety, depression or unhealthy habits.

This is especially troublesome when an associated part of the brain, what we affectionately call the Uh Oh Center begins to sound the alarm based on how the Self-Referencing Center is filtering information. The Uh Oh Center is the part of the brain that generates the physical sensations we associate with anxiety and alerts us that something bad or dangerous might be happening.

As we explained to Sarah, in addition to warning us to real dangers, this part of the brain can be activated by perceived emotional threats as well. The Uh Oh Center responds when we are anxious, when we ignore our true feelings and needs, and interestingly, when we experience the distressing aspects of both physical and social pain. This explains why being rejected or excluded from social situations feels so terrible - the same part of the brain is activated in both situations!

 

In Sarah's case, whenever she perceived that someone was upset with her, her Self-Referencing Center was filtering the information as having something to do with a presumed fault of hers (fueled by her deceptive brain messages) and her Uh Oh Center would fire intensely. She would then feel incredibly anxious and want to do something to get rid of that anxiety as soon as possible. Sarah's most engrained unhelpful response was to habitually (and automatically) overanalyze what just happened so she could figure out how she should act in the future - even though there was often evidence right in front of her that her friend's reaction had nothing to do with her! Because her Self-Referencing Center was in charge, she could not take in this other information (including alternate explanations for her friend's response) or confidently know that she had done nothing wrong. Rather, she would take the physical and emotional sensations she experienced at face value and use them as further evidence that she was a bad person who was fundamentally flawed in some way.

 

Challenging Thinking Errors

 

Sarah's inaccurate belief that something was wrong with her was rooted in a series of experiences she had as a child, where people inadvertently ignored, minimized or dismissed her needs, interests and emotions. This inattention to her true needs and feelings caused many deceptive brain message take hold in Sarah's brain and led to her developing several thinking errors, including black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing, emotional reasoning, discounting the positive, faulty comparisons and false expectations. When we helped Sarah identify where some of her most upsetting deceptive brain messages came from and pointed out her thinking errors, things began to change.

Sarah was able to start identifying the deceptive brain messages (Step 1: Relabel) and call them what they were: "self-doubt," "spinning," "anxiety" and so on. She then could Reframe (Step 2) her experiences by identifying her thinking errors or realizing she was feeling social pain. With this knowledge and a burgeoning belief in herself as separate from the deceptive brain messages, Sarah could Refocus (Step 3) her attention on something that mattered to her, such as being fully present to talk with her friend, going for a walk or going back to her work. With time, she began to quickly see how pervasive her deceptive brain messages were and was able to Revalue them (Step 4) by realizing that this was the feeling of social pain or self-doubt, but that those inaccurate thoughts and uncomfortable feelings did not have to be taken seriously or acted upon with habitual overanalyzing that led nowhere. She was able to catch herself whenever she got lost in an overanalyzing loop and stop herself before it spun further out of control.

 

I will talk more about the research showing why suppressing your reactions is not the best emotion management strategy and how to identify thinking errors in another post. The point from Sarah's story is that we often assume that whatever we think or feel must be true simply because we thought or felt it. Nothing could be farther from the truth, as Sarah learned. In many cases, we are actually looking at life through the lens of deceptive brain messages (fueled by active Self-Referencing and Uh Oh Centers) and seeing our circumstances, other people or ourselves from a distorted and inaccurate viewpoint. It's only when we are able to identify and dismiss the faulty logic of deceptive brain messages and believe in ourselves that we begin to break free and change our behaviors so that they align with our true goals and values in life.

 

 

 

How to Stop Overthinking and Start Living: 10 Helpful Tips

 

 

 

“Thinking has, many a time, made me sad, darling; but doing never did in all my life….My precept is, do something, my sister, do good if you can; but at any rate, do something.” ~Elizabeth Gaskell

Problems. We all face them.

Some are frivolous; some are life changing. Some force us to draw from within us our greatest mental potential. Many cause nothing more than stress.

Whatever issues life presents us, whether small or big, we think about them.

We think about what to do, what not to do, and what would be “best” for us and for everyone around us.

But how often do we think about our thinking? When do we stop to question why we over-think, whether it’s productive, and how to overcome it?

The first time a true bout of over-thinking grappled me was when I graduated from college.

For many, this time comes as a quarter-life crisis, and the event often repeats itself later in life. It’s the time to decide what we will do with our lives, and what careers we will pursue.

We want to make a true difference, help society, and live well. Although acquiring a comfortable desk job may be easier, it doesn’t have such a gripping appeal.

 

 

 

And so begins a rare human trait that we would surely benefit from evolving out of: rumination.

Sleepless nights came more regularly than I ever could have predicted. Confusion was my norm. Indecisiveness became expected. Uncertainty was my only certainty.

Fortunately, however, I didn’t drive myself nuts (or so I believe). Underlying the distress was an organic curiosity, and this led me to question my approach. What I came to learn truly changed my life.

I managed to collate a number of strategies for effectively reducing over-thinking. Below are some of my favorite simple and easy-to-implement insights and strategies:

1. Remember that over-thinking does not lead to insight.

You want an understanding of which decision will be best. For this, you need a level of insight into what each decision will lead to. Thinking this through, however, is futile.

 

 

 

Why? Because you never, ever know what something will be like until you experience it.

School, college, moving home, getting married, ending a relationship, changing career paths. However much you imagine what these change will be like, you will be surprised by what you discover when you actually engage in these activities.

Knowing this, you can move forward with a true understanding of what would be best. Acting, therefore, leads to clarity. Thought doesn't.

2. Know that your decision will never be final.

Over-thinking often comes from the notion that you will make a grand finale decision that will never change and must be correct.

It won’t happen. And that’s a good thing. If you could predict with complete accuracy the entirety of your future, would you want to experience it?

To me, that removes all the spice of life. You must be aware that however much critical thinking you apply to a decision, you may be wrong.

 

 

 

Being comfortable with being wrong, and knowing that your opinions and knowledge of a situation will change with time, brings a sense of true inner freedom and peace.

3. Learn the reasons why over-thinking is harmful, and let it motivate you.

Studies have shown rumination to be strongly linked to depression, anxiety, binge eating, binge drinking, and self-harm.

In one study, 32,827 people from 172 countries showed that life events were the largest predictors of stress, followed by family history, income and education, relationship status, and social inclusion.

However, the study also showed that stress only occurred if the individual engaged in negative over-thinking about the events, and it showed that people who did not do this did not become as stressed or depressed, “even if they'd experienced many negative events in their lives.”

 

 

So, worry about your problems if you wish. But don’t say no one warned you!

4. Keep active throughout the day, and tire the body out.

Do you want to know one of the main reasons you over-think?

It’s because you have the time to.

Not one day can be fruitful if more time than necessary is allowed for aimless thinking. A mind rests well at night knowing its day has been directed toward worthy goals.

So consider daily exercise—any physical activity that raises heart rate and improves health.

Walking is exercise. Sports, Pilates, and playing with the dog are too. It doesn't have to be training for the next Olympics. Just get moving, and get tired.

5. Become the ultimate skeptic.

If you think about what causes thinking to be so stressful and tiring, it’s often our personal convictions that our thoughts are actually true.

 

 

Let’s look at an example.

If someone you know does something you consider hurtful, but you don't discuss the issue with the person, negativity can arise with certain thoughts about why the person acted that way.

But once you can pinpoint which thoughts are causing the upset, one golden question will release all negativity:

“Can I be 100 percent sure this is true?”

By seeing the inherent lack of truth in your beliefs, you will naturally find yourself much more relaxed in all situations, and you won't over-think things that are based on predictions and assumptions.

6. Seek social support, but don’t vent.

 

 

Better than confining your decisions to your own biases, perspectives, and mental filters, commit to seeking support from loved ones.

Research has long shown the powerful impact of social support in the reduction of stress.

But even better than that is getting a fresh, new angle on the topic.

For me, this has always—on every occasion—led me to learn something I had never considered before. This is how you grow, emotionally and spiritually.

7. Develop the skill of forgiveness.

It’s no surprise that having the misfortune of being treated undesirably leads people to suppress and repress anger toward other people.

Forgiveness is of the highest of human virtues. Not because it is morally correct, spiritually mature, or deemed a commendable personality trait.

 

 

It’s special because it, single-handedly, can induce the ultimate peace in people.

Forgiveness has also been shown on many occasions to help develop positive self-esteem, improve mood, and dramatically improve health. It's a predictor of relationship well-being and marital length, and it has even been shown to increase longevity.

8. Plan for conscious distraction.

When do you ruminate the most? Have you ever thought about it? For me, I ruminated at night.

When you know the time of day rumination will begin, you can plan to remove that spare time with an activity that engages your full faculties.

It could be Sudoku, a board game with family, a meal out, yoga, or writing letters of gratitude to long-unseen friends.

A note of warning: there is some research to suggest