How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #4) - DeYtH Banger (list of ebook readers TXT) 📗

take her for a spin, or simply show her a quick snap on your phone of you posing by your ride.

 

A Little Salt And Pepper

 

Research has also answered the question “What do girls look for in a guy?” with the Clooney Factor.

This is awesome news for those of us who thought our dating life would die when our first gray hair popped up.

According to a recent study, 50% of women would be willing to date men even 30 years their senior. Why? For many women, age is a sign of wisdom and experience – not to mention stability.

The lesson: don’t pluck out that gray hair before you hit the bar next time.

 

Guys That Have A Relaxed Vibe

 

Maybe it’s because meditation is all the rage lately, but women still prioritize a man they see as spiritually connected in some way above one with good looks.

So, if you’re looking for an in on how to talk to the crazy hot chick at the other end of the bar, don’t be afraid to mention any New Age-style books you just read, or a company, team-building retreat you recently went on.

Why is this attractive to women? Men that are in touch with the unexplained side of life are seen as more supportive, less judgemental and pretentious, and yes – more willing to try new things in bed.

 

What Else Do Girls Look For In A Guy?

 

No matter your age or experience level, we all still have a lot to learn about what women want – and how to give it to them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: There is so much information about this whole thing... we need to go as much deeper as possible... we are not just talking about the simple

Talking: Bla, bla, bla... shit... we are talking about random bla... blah shit... which is a shit with a game....

 

 

 

 

 

Note: And now... let's face it... ego is stopping us... because we are challenging it... we can't should without hiding... behind the corners...

...

Anxiety comes when you excuse yourself

So: I can't do it... because (INSERT#)
...

Anxiety attack!

 

 

 

 

 

Note:

Here are the 7 most common ways I see guys doing this:

1. Leaning in to talk to a girl, while she stays put and doesn't move. You're trying too hard - a big turn off. It's subtle, but painfully obvious to women.

2. Complimenting a girl right away, before you even know her - for example, telling her she's gorgeous, or you like her dress, or she has nice style, or she's a cool, fun person, etc... all super needy.

3. Buying her gifts - this could be anything from flowers, to buying her dinner and drinks, to getting her jewelry... it looks like you're trying to "buy" her affection.

4. The "I'm here when you need me" vibe - this is when you're super available for a girl whenever she wants to talk to you. Don't be the guy who jumps whenever she says "jump", dude!

5. Texting too much - if your texts are way longer than hers, or more frequent than hers, or using a lot more smileys than hers... then you look super needy.

6. Being too sensitive and taking things she says too personally (also called "being a little bytch"). This is super insecure... women hate this!

7. Agreeing with everything she says. This is what guys do when they're trying to "force a connection," and it's super wussy. Instead, express your own opinions and have a backbone, it's way more attractive.


- So does it mean... I am making a mistake ... by doing (1)... and all other 6 things about needy stuff I ain't doing!?

 

 

 

 

 

Note: ANd why it's needy... come on... why so?
What's needy about giving a compliment.... right a way... just one and then say something... introduce yourself and go on!?

Chapter 2 - Rejection (Part 3)

 “NO” IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE?

 

 

 

 

Do you have trouble saying “no?” How many invitations do you answer “yes” to because you are afraid to say “no”? Afterward, do you use the word “should” to justify your response? “I should stop by that cocktail party for twenty minutes.” Why didn’t you give a clean “no”?

I heard in an Al-Anon meeting years ago that the word “no” is a complete sentence. It was a breakthrough moment for me, and all the times early on in my sobriety when my AA sponsor said that I over-explained and gave away my power came rushing back. The woman speaking added that you could even say, “…thank you”afterward if “no” alone sounded too sparse. “No” does not need to be followed up by an excuse or dressed in elaborate details. Fear and guilt do not need to accompany a “no”.

As I have grown, so has my relationship with “no”. After years of saying “No thank you” without further explanation, I added another line when I was responding to people or organizations that matter to me. I now create an opening for a “yes” to exist. For example, when invited to a cocktail party (I don’t drink, and dislike standing around and small talking), I say “no thank you” to that invitation and suggest a walk in the park instead.

 

I have noticed that women have more trouble with “no” than men do. Does it reflect our societal views on femininity and the proper way for a woman to behave? Does a clear, female “no” transmit a vibration of conflict or disruption because of its rarity? Or do women intrinsically care more about being accepted and loved? “No” definitely threatens our need to belong.

I said “no” the other day, and it took two hours for the conversation that followed to exit my brain. It was surprising to me because I had gone through phases when “no” was as easy as “yes”. I was asked to participate on a committee at one of my children’s schools. It was a time-consuming endeavor that held zero appeal. I re-read the email three times and played out various scenarios. I was flattered by the kind reasons they gave in asking me to perform the role, but I knew that was not a reason to say “yes”. Saying “yes” to potentially boost my child’s standing or curry favor in the school community equally inauthentic motivations. Both of those reasons tie back to my ego and need for significance. The only way to arrive at a “yes” in this scenario is if volunteering at the school occurred to me as an act of love.

There was a cc list on the email, and I debated whether to hit “reply” or “reply all”. Would the committee discuss my “no” and create a narrative about me? Would I become a bitch or become difficult to deal with, or just be regarded as plain old selfish? The good news is that people already have set opinions of us and it takes a lot more than one volunteer role to alter the way someone sees us long-term.

Too many small and seemingly benign “yesses” separate us from self, from our WHY. I love the Derek Sivers philosophy—it’s either “Hell yeah” or “No”.

 

 

 

There is no middle ground. Being aligned with self-gives us access to power. After doing work to identify my values clearly, decision-making became a breeze. I will write a post about a process I went through to determine my values soon.

Another waste of time is rehashing a “yes” response. If you think carefully about your reasons for a “yes” or ”no” in advance, then once you say it, the internal conversation must be over. The amount of mental space I used to spend questioning my ”yes” and “no” decisions wasted more time than actually showing up at something for a few hours.

 

Take notice of your first response to a yes-or-no question. The yes or no is always present in our body before our brain starts computing all the reasons why or why not. Whenever we talk to ourselves using “should”, we are in “no” territory.  If the cellular response is “no”, stay present to the way your mind handles the “no”. Look through all the smart reasons it produces to change the “no” into a “yes”: it’s just this one time and if I don’t say “yes” I may not be invited again. What will a “no” cost you? Get in touch with that fear and see where else it dictates your life.

“Nos” open up the space to fill your life with “yes” experiences. If you are feeling blah or lukewarm, take a look at your “yesses.” Too many seemingly benign “yesses” will lead us to an internal dead zone. The “Hell yeah” trail always leads to exhilaration and growth.

 

 

 

 

 

Boundaries: What are you Afraid of?

 

 

 

 

Boundaries: What are you afraid of?

 

What comes to mind when you hear the word boundary? Do you ever use this word? If so, in what context? What does it mean to you?

The word “boundary” is trendier than ever. It’s been popular for a while in the 12 Step, and Manhattan shrink circuit, but now it’s falling out of mouths at afternoon coffees and cocktail parties. It’s jargon at its best; the concept accessible to people who have never sat through a therapy session. The boundary conversation passes from person to person like a flu virus; the strain mutates the farther away it gets from Patient Zero. “She just doesn’t respect my boundaries.” “Their family has tons of boundary issues.”

Hell, I am guilty of throwing boundary around in a self-righteous tone. Making someone else wrong is a smart way to gossip without feeling like a mean girl.

 

Here is the definition of a boundary as I am writing about it:

 

 

Here is the definition of the word from a dictionary: a line that marks the limits of an area/ a limit of a subject or sphere of activity.

The word limit comes up twice which begs the question- why am I using language to create structures that coddle my limitations? What exactly are these limitations that I don’t want to push into?

My thoughts on boundaries have evolved with me. Year one and two into my sober journey I employed boundaries to rope off the area of grass where I had planted myself. I couldn’t grow and get trampled simultaneously. After I developed a sober sense of self, my rigid boundaries held me back from connecting more deeply in personal relationships. I didn’t realize that the boundaries that once served my growth were now hindering it and costing me the closeness I craved. An annual inventory is now part of my process because qualities and tools that outlive their purpose become unconscious habits that often stunt growth.

Once in a while, I come across someone who confronts me about something in an unnecessarily aggressive way. “Why can’t you come to my birthday?” When I respond honestly, unless they are missing some marbles, they drop it. People sense when they are at the receiving end of a lie, and white lies erode relationships in the same way as the big ones. For more on this read Sam Harris’s book Lying- I just listened to it on audible. It’s an easy to digest book with many great distinctions:

 

I guarantee if you take a risk and kindly word your response- “thanks so much for inviting