Her Love Fades... - Kerry Boo.. (books to read in a lifetime TXT) 📗

of this was a big deal and I wasn’t hurting.
“If I sleep in your bed where are you planning on sleeping?”
I laughed and pointed at the couch in the living room. “Take my bed, I’ll take my couch.”
He wasn’t happy with that solution. “Babe take your bed and I’ll take the floor.”
I could see him freeze when he said babe, he looked up at me with apologetic eyes and whispered sorry. I smiled at him. “Boo, take my bed… I don’t mind sleeping on the couch,” his eyes light up when he heard me call him boo.
He laughed. “Hey hard head, I’ll take the floor.” I had to keep reminding myself that Lukas was just a friend.
“We can share my bed.” I didn’t think fast enough and spoke faster. Shit. I paused before continuing. “That’s what friends do.”
“I can deal with that.
I laughed and thought to myself, maybe you can, I can’t. I knew I wasn’t making this any easier on either of us; in fact I was forcing my broken heart farther and farther in to Luke’s hands… I was going to regret that one. I already was to be honest. Why was I doing this to myself? “Me too Lukas.” I wrapped my arms around him, I was about to kiss him when the thought danced into my head, Luke was just a friend. I jerked away from him… I could feel my hot tears threatening to spill from my eyes, and release the truth; I didn’t want him to see all my pain. I turned around and headed towards the bathroom, I needed to escape him; I couldn’t make him feel any worse. He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him, I wanted to fight him, I wanted to scream… I wanted to push him away… I just wanted to cry.

“Andi, I know I fucked up and I can see all the pain that it is bringing to you, you can’t hide the tears from me, you never could… All I have to do is look in your eyes and if there’s a sparkle then your ok but if they’re empty your hurt.” He reached over and moved my bangs out of my eyes. “I love you so much Andi.” He slowly leaned over and put his lips to mine, a million thoughts ran through my head, should I let it go that far… or should I stop him now… Save both of our hearts from farther damage? I couldn’t. l leaned deeper into the kiss, until I realized as much as I hated this… I needed to avoid this. I stopped the kiss and just smiled at him.

“So…Mr. Wilson…” he looked at me and laughed. “Yes Mrs. Wilson?” I froze… that was an inside joke that we’ve always had… when we were still together… When he wanted me in his future… When I wanted to be there, who am I kidding? I still want to be there! I started picking at my fingers before continuing. “Um, no never mind.” I wasn’t sure what I had planned to say, I just wanted to shut up before I humiliated myself. “Very well then Mrs. Wilson.” he scratched the back of his head before smiling at me and then lunging at me. He threw me on my bed. “I fucking love you Andi, I don’t want to change a single thing about us.” I just nodded. I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to mean that we were together… or not. He smiled and yanked off my clothes.

Lukas</3
I wouldn’t say that I was any better. I mean andi always made me feel better, but I have a feeling that only applies when I really have her, like all mine and no one else’s. I guess something about knowing that she was no longer mine just kept sucking me in to the darkness. I didn’t want Andi to feel like I was using her for sex. It wasn’t like that at all! But it might have seemed like that to her.

I could feel Andi stirring beside me about time she woke up, ive been jumping up and down dying for her to wake up, I really wanted to see her beautiful eyes. They are a really pretty green in the morning when she wakes up. “Andi?” I called out to the silence, I knew she was up… her breathing wasn’t as even. I waited for her to respond to me or at least turn around in my arms and look in to my eyes so I could stare in to hers. “Babe?” she never made the slightest movement towards me. After minutes went by without a response from her I had to make sure she was ok.

I sat up and leaned over her. I freeze automatically when I see tears building up in her eyes, and then gently scaling the contours of her skin, coating it in her broken hearted tears. Her eyes weren’t even green this morning, not like they were before, but instead they were gray. I jumped off her bed and kneeled before her, she just stared at me. “Andi?” she closed her eyes and sniffled.

Finally she responded to me. “Ya?” but the tears never stopped they kept coming and coming. Pouring down her face faster and faster.

“Are you ok!?” she opened her eyes and looked away from me. She cleared her throat and whispered no. she slipped off her bed and landed with a hard thud on the floor. She bounced up and ran to the bathroom. She stepped in and slammed the door. I followed behind her and got the door shut in my face. Damn. I knocked on the door and I heard it click as she unlocked it. I could see her trying to put on her make up but her tears kept smearing it. “Baby girl what’s wrong?” She closed her eyes and looked away from me before speaking.

“Every girl wants an amazing boy with the name Lukas, the same amazing boy who stands in front of me at this very moment. He’s the only one I want. No one wants a fat ugly emo bitch…”

She was so wrong. “You are not a fat ugly emo bitch baby girl… You are a perfect beautiful simple girl, and I know a ton of people who want you… a ton who tried to steal you when you were mine.” I stopped and took a deep breath to calm my breathing… when she was mine… hurt. I finished in a hushed whisper. “I was never going to let you go; I don’t much have a choice any more…” I could see the tears falling still.

“But none of them are you.” I watched as she brought her hand up and wiped away her falling tears. I couldn’t take it any more, I was the reason she was always crying. I longed to see the love that always filled her beautiful green eyes. They were almost empty; all I could see was pain. In her eyes I could see a flash of her broken heart, bleeding my name.

“I am the first one on the list babe. But I know I am no good for you.” I grabbed her hand and kissed it. I wondered if I would beg her to come back to me, could she find it in her heart to forgive me?

“Lukas please, don’t think that I am stupid…” she pulled her hand free, I didn’t hold on tight I figured she wouldn’t want that. “I know you are in love with Becca and I know she is in love with you… I can’t blame her though, who wouldn’t be?”


“Andi what are you talking about?” I fucking hated Becca, she broke me and andi up the first time… and kind of the second. I looked at her and shook my head. “I fucking hate Becca.”

She closed her eyes again. “Every time you cheated on me, it was with Becca… When we first broke up you got with Becca… The same freaking day Lukas. I seen the way you look in to her eyes, the way you laugh when she’s around.”

I knew I needed to explain myself, I wasn’t going to lie to her, I was going to be 100% honest, she deserved that much. Well she deserved a lot better. “Calm down baby girl.” I could see the tears pouring down. I longed to wipe away her tears. Kiss away the pain… make sure she was ok. “I was stupid; I always made a mistake… Becca was just the one there.” I knew that sounded lame. That sounded awful in fact. I didn’t really know the answer to that one. “I don’t know why I got with Becca when we broke up. I was upset and she asked me out, I accepted her invitation. I don’t look in to her eyes anything special Andi. I have never. And she was my best friend.”

“We were standing at our lockers the one day and you were staring in to her eyes.”

“Baby girl.” I started to laugh. “There was a mirror behind her; I was staring in to your eyes. I didn’t want to be rude and stare beside me the whole time.” I leaned closer to her and kissed her cheek where there was a tear sliding down. I kissed away a tear, that shouldn’t be there in the first place.

She looked up at me and smiled a simple smile that said I’m never going to stop loving you. That smile was a lie. I wanted Andi back but and I couldn’t risk breaking her heart, and she’s not going to be here forever because she will realize she deserves so much better, and as I said before… she’ll move on. She laughed a small heart breaking laugh it didn’t matter what I said, my very presence was hurting her. “Andi I don’t want to be without you.” I knew she was going to say no, I was going to give it a try any way.

She stopped smiling. “Lukas no part of me wants to be without you. But the only problem I have at the moment… is I don’t want to make you feel bad but. Why would this be different from before when you cheated? I mean let’s say, I give you another chance… why wouldn’t you cheat again?”

She was right. I longed, no I needed to promise her that we would be ok and I would never hurt her again… never cheat on her again. But I can’t make a promise that I am not positive I can keep. I was going to try but… “… I can’t promise that I won’t cheat.” I watched as he face dropped and I heard the sharp in take of breath. “I can promise I will do everything possible to try and stop myself for fear of losing my baby girl.

She began to cry “Luke I know I love you and I want you… but maybe it’s to soon, let’s see how we can get along with out being together.”

In a way I expected a no. I just didn’t expect it to bring me as much pain as it had brought. “I understand Andi, can I at least call you baby girl still?”

She thought and stopped for a minute before answering me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and moved her lips only inches away from mine; she whispered “of course you can.” I expected her to pull away when I touched my lips to hers. She didn’t. She kissed me