Beautiful Darkness - Maurice Mitchell (best inspirational books txt) 📗

of our relationship. Plus Jose smoked more weed then anybody I knew and I couldn’t remember too many times he was sober, not exactly a trustworthy source. Yet he was right, there was no denying it, the truth was right in front of me and I had all the proof I needed. Jay had been writing my girl love letters and poems for months and smiling in my face while doing it. Even worse Noel was writing him back. Granted in her notes she was making it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him, she still continued to write him, and kept it from me. I felt the least she could have done was tell me that my best friend was full of it. I felt betrayed, it was a feeling I didn’t like, but it was also a feeling I would become all too familiar with. I tried to approach her about the situation immediately but I couldn’t find her. I didn’t want anyone to know I was looking for her, because I didn’t want her to know that knew. Jay was absent that day and we’d already planned on me spending the night at his house that weekend, I didn’t break the plans. Later that day I went to his house as I said I would. He answered the door as if nothing was different, I guess in his head nothing was. As soon as I walked in his house I was disturbed, but surprisingly it wasn’t because of the thoughts in the back of my head. The house was filthy, and there was dog sh*t everywhere, I mean everywhere! The smell was so bad I couldn’t focus on my thoughts. As soon as you walked into his house you could either go downstairs or upstairs and the carpet was a dirty blue. The walls were off white and seemed to be scuffed and dented in various places. We went downstairs to his room and it wasn’t much different, I decided there was no way in hell I could sleep there anyway. His bed was on the floor and his room was the size of an average closet. It was dog crap all over his carpet as well and the dog who I assume was responsible for the crap was laying on his bed. I tried to hold my feelings in just to see how long he would fake it, this is when I discovered I don’t have the ability to do that. When something’s on mind I have to say it, I hide nothing, I don’t know how. So I came out with it: “Yo, when the hell were you going to tell me that you trying to get at my girl b?” He responded, “What are you talking about?” Before he could even get into his academy award winning denial role, I shoved all of the letters in his face. I told him the only thing shi**ier then his excuse was his carpet. That led to yelling, which eventually led to pushing and then I snuffed him. Pow! The fight led from his room to the laundry room which was right outside his door. I landed a good one and he feel right in-between his washer and dryer, I washed him. I punched him and kept punching him until his older brother came downstairs. His brother pulled me off him with one hand and then shoved me into the door. Jay was already big, but his brother was twice his size, that was a fight I didn’t really want at the time. I was hoping his brother would understand my point of view, he didn’t, but fortunately he didn’t want to fight me either, just wanted me to leave. That was an awkward moment, I stood there and watched Jay wipe the blood and bits of dog sh*t off his face and then decided it was time leave. My work was done. Jay and I wouldn’t speak again until a few years later, around the time he threatened to kill me.

Noel tried to patch things up between us by apologizing and proclaiming her innocence. While the thought of us working things out seemed nice, the damage was done. I’d got my first true taste of betrayal, and it was something that seemed to happened one friend after another for the next four years. Throughout high school, I made quite a few more friends who would all turn on me. I couldn’t understand it, why me? I was the most honest and loyal person I knew by far. I would never turn on a friend, ever, under any circumstances. Yet it seemed they stabbed me in the back every chance they got. It made me cold, again. That kid was coming back and this time that kid was wiser, stronger, and sharper. That made me vicious, I became an animal. This is where my trust issues truly begin, I could never trust anybody. I was best friends with this short, dark skinned kid named Jake until he tried to fight me while he was drunk at a party. I was the only person ever there for him when his family died and he turned on me because he thought I was talking about him. I never would. Big Mike was another best friend of mine, and he seemed like the type of person who would never hurt anybody. Tall, light skinned skinny guy, who stole my chain out of my locker during basketball practice. Took me weeks to find out who did it, being I would of never suspected it was my best friend. The same best friend who I told how much that chain meant to me and how it reminded me of a fallen family member. I’d end up beating him like he stole something……..He did. Next I became good friends with these two kids named Jalil and Brandon. Jalil was a short smooth talking kid who ended up sleeping with a girl he was supposed to be trying to hook me up with. Brandon was taller and bigger kid who tried to stab me while I was sleep during an out of town basketball tournament. He would of succeeded, if I wasn’t awoken by the bus hitting a bump in the road at the moment I saw him standing over me with a knife. My next friend was Joe Mac. That was my partner in crime, we did it all together for years. I was probably closer to him then any of the guys mentioned before. Joe was a short, good looking kid with a real sense of humor. Real clean cut kid who seemed to get everything he wanted since birth. We had a lot in common and seemed to hit it off from the jump, I had his back and he had mine. I remember one time this gang member was going to kill him because he destroyed the guy’s property. The gang member was well known and fortunately for Joe I knew the dude and put my a** on the line to save his. Rather then kill both of us he decided to give Joe an opportunity to pay him back. This situation was one of many, you would think Joe would of felt obligated to hold me down for life. Well if you thought that, you’d be wrong. Eventually he tried to sleep with the girl who became my first. Did it in great fashion too, even had his father talk to her about how much better off she would be with him. At that point all I could do was laugh, I couldn’t let these people get to me anymore. I couldn’t understand it, but I decided I wouldn’t try to. A man like me wasn’t meant to have a lot of friends in his life, a man like me was supposed to only believe in his self. So that’s what I set out to do, I no longer believed any good could possibly come out of trusting someone as a friend. I kept that mindset for quite some time, and never let anybody else in. Anytime I felt somebody could be real, I fought it, never let anybody get close up until the day I heard about this new kid from Connecticut. I heard we were a lot alike and we should meet, but I didn’t feel the need to meet him, didn’t really care to. However, regardless of how I felt towards this meeting of east coast rebels, it appeared to have already been in the works. I would come to find that God had a plan for me, and this new kid and I would cross paths regardless of if I wanted us to or not. I would also come to find that when we did my life and my attitude would be changed forever.

Chapter 17 (Art and War)

It was at this point my life I began to change drastically, some for the better and some for the worse. The good news was I met friends who appeared to be worth the failed friendships I experienced in the past, the bad news was I developed habits that would scar me for life. It started in the lunch room, an average day which appeared to be leading to an average ending. My steps were ordered and the first step was meeting this kid I’d heard so much about. I was sitting at a table surrounded by the girls I usually spend most of my time with, when he approached the table and we were introduced. I didn’t like him. It wasn’t personal I didn’t like anybody I first met, wasn’t really into making friends. The difference was it didn’t seem like he liked me either, I respected that. We passed each other a few times throughout the day from that point on, but both of us seemed to be too prideful to actually start a conversation. One day he decided to swallow that pride, and I’d end up being forever grateful. I remember sitting on a bench outside of the school, it was the last period and that’s where anybody who was anybody usually was. That’s when this kid decided to approach me and started talking to me. He told me his name was Kevin and that he moved to Colorado from Connecticut. Said he hated it so far and wished he could go back, I could relate. Before I knew it we were deep in a conversation, rapping about everything from life, girls, school and music. He told me he wrote rhymes and asked if I’d ever written anything. I thought it was funny he asked, see I still wrote my thoughts on paper every now and then, but no where near as often as I used to. I told him I did but it was nothing serious. Next thing I know he was telling me about how he recorded his music at times and he had a group called lost souls. I thought the idea of having a tape and actually recording your vocals was dope, I never considered that. He said he wanted to start throwing rhymes at each other and I told him I was with it. I thought to myself I’d been writing for about four years at that point and I never really let anybody hear what I wrote. First rhyme I spit to him he thought it was incredible. I remember him telling me: “Yo son you got serious talent b, and I don’t even think you know it. You need to start taking this seriously, you can go somewhere with it.” I thought he was fronting, I didn’t really think too much of it, but it did encourage me to write more. Next thing I know I was in Kevin’s garage making song after song on his Karaoke machine, and a passion was born. Within a weeks time I