Beautiful Darkness - Maurice Mitchell (best inspirational books txt) 📗

I went to I.S.S to begin serving my one-week sentence. It was a small room with individual cubby like desk sitting against the wall. They went around the room in a circle and you pretty much had to sit with your back to everything. There were fixtures on each side of the desk, which made it practically impossible for you to talk to your neighbor. It was designed for you to suffer and do all types of work and studying all day, probably more of the latter but for me I just suffered. I sat inside that extremely boring room and to my surprise I found myself sitting next to that Mexican kid I met earlier. Turns out that Mexican kid had a name, It was Mario. Mario was cool, he was real short, and always dressed in the latest fashion. His hair was slicked back and he talked real fast. He put me onto to pretty much everything I needed to know about my new school. He was a regular in I.S.S too, and let me in on all the secrets to get though those long and boring days. He also put me onto who my new enemy was and wasn’t to shy about relaying the trouble he felt I was in. I remember him telling me “Im’a keep it real with you man, I respect you because I’ve never seen anybody stand up to Solomon, but that dude is crazy and your going to have to fight all of them.” I told him I appreciated the knowledge and his obvious concern for my health, but also let him know don’t go making arrangements for my funeral quite yet. I told him “I’ma keep it real with you man, that nightmarish monster looking ni**a don’t scare me.” We laughed, but I can’t front I was a little concerned about what he told me, but he would never know. I felt like I made my bed and now it was time to lay in it. Turns out that’s exactly what I would do, and I had to dance to that music a lot sooner then I anticipated. Once I got released from I.S.S I ran into Solomon and his oversized, blond haired light skinned friend. If you every played Tekken, he looked just like the character Bryon. I remember him telling me “You f****d up now ni**a, We gon’ kill you’re a**.” Then in his own words he promised me hell everyday for the rest of the year. Turns out he was right, but ironically Solomon and I would never fight

Chapter 15 (Beginning Of The End)

So as it turned out Solomon was actually the least of my problems and merely a warning sign for things to come. It seems like from my eighth grade year, going into my first two years of high school, there was one problem after another. Its mostly a blur really, but I remember getting into fight after fight. I was in a really dark place and my attitude towards life and people was anything less then honorable. I wasn’t normal, I was cold and I was angry. I developed a tendency to take my anger out on whoever was closest to me. I became cruel and unusual, and I kept so much bottled in that a hatred begin to develop in me that became obvious to people who spent a lot time with me. I remember this kid named Leo spilled chocolate milk on my brand new shirt one day while we were in the lunch room at school. I loved that shirt, it was one of my favorites so I wasn’t too happy about it. Leo was a somewhat quiet kid who wasn’t really known for being a trouble maker. He was a light skinned, short kid with short hair who joked a lot, but in his own little quiet way. Though I didn’t see him as the type to do something like that on purpose, I was still furious. He apologized but he was laughing as he was doing it and I didn’t feel it was funny. The laughter kind of took away from the apology and I felt he needed to pay. I tried to let it go, but I remember being filled with so much rage I couldn’t conceal it. I walked to the lunch line and strategically picked up two cans of red soda. I then walked past all of the students who were standing on the big hill outside, and made my towards Leo while he was talking to his friends. I kindly said excuse me and then proceeded to pour both cans of soda over his head in front of everybody. Leo tried to get away, but I made sure to empty both cans on his clothes while the kids standing next to him rushed to move away. There were maybe 60 kids outside and they were all yelling, instigating and laughing. It felt good, real good, and at the moment, Leo created a monster. Looking back now I feel like what I did was terribly wrong and I feel bad about it, but I do understand my reasoning. His apology should have been a lot more genuine, and if it was his shirt would have been a lot more dry. Whether what I did was justified or not, I enjoyed the feeling of revenge and from that point on I remember always being in some sort of situation. I moved from one of the most violent states in America, to one of the better family states and became a much more violent kid. I was moving backwards and I didn’t mind. Violence seemed to surround my life now more then ever, and it wouldn’t get better anytime soon.

One day after a basketball game I was sitting next to my locker listening to everybody talk about random things. I wasn’t in the best mood, not really because we lost, but more so because I felt I wasn’t being respected as a ball player. I remember there was this cocky white boy on our team who always seemed to be the center of attention. His name was Mikey, average looking white boy who due to his standing on the team felt he had the right to say whatever he wanted. I actually thought he was cool initially until this day when he proved me terribly wrong. I heard him use the word ni**er over and over while he was talking to another guy on the team. While everyone else seemed to think it was ok, I couldn’t take it. It was as if something extremely sharp was piercing my ear every time I heard the word come out of his mouth. After about the fourth or fifth time hearing him say it, I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I told him he should watch his mouth and be a little more understanding to his environment and respect the black kids on the team. He basically told me I should shut up and he’d say what he wanted and I shouldn’t be offended unless I am indeed a ni**er. Within seconds somehow my combination lock found its way to the upper part of his forehead. I hit Mikey in his face over and over again with that lock until I could no longer tell what complexion he was due to the blood that covered his face. To me that made us even. I never had any conversations with Mikey after that incident, but I’d be willing to bet my last he never used that word again.

I got into it with everybody, it became an everyday thing. Whether it was with kids from other schools, boys on my basketball team or sometimes even friends. Another true lesson on friends came from a kid Named Jason Muller. He was one of the first kids I met when I actually begin going to class instead of I.S.S. Jason was different from the other kids I’d previously met in Colorado, he had more personality. He was a tall, strong, and light skinned kid with a flat top. He had bumps on his face and braces in his mouth but by no means did it hinder his performance with the ladies. He was definitely a ladies man, and I believe it was because of his sense of humor, he was a funny guy. Jason, another Spanish kid named Jose and myself were the life of the party in construction class. Jose was a fair skinned chubby Spanish kid who seemed to always be in some type of mischief. We stayed in trouble, but it was all in fun, it felt good to have somewhat of a crew. As time went on Jay and I became closer and eventually hung out outside of school. We practically did everything together, sports, pranks, fights, and all the other things thirteen and fourteen year old kids do. In hanging out with Jay, I began to meet other people threw him. One of those people was a girl named Noel Cedana. Noel was bad! I immediately developed a crush on that girl. It was at this point in my life I realized I had a thing for Spanish girls, and that thing would never go away. Noel just had it all to me, pretty, smart, and popular. She was light skinned with long hair and the prettiest smile. I remember she used to always wear these shorts to school and every time she did I wondered what I did to deserve that. I made up my mind that Noel would be my girlfriend and that was it, nothing would stop me. Jay filled my head with all the lines about how everybody liked Noel and I didn’t stand a chance, and all the other things jealous males say when they realize you can accomplish something they can’t. His advice would only fuel me and the chase was on. I started talking to her and at first she brushed me off, but eventually she gave in and gave me a chance. Before you knew it, I was getting love letters before every eighth period. So that was it, I had a girlfriend, and hopefully someone who could help me deal with some of the complexities that lived inside of me. I remember this being a good time in my life, I was happy and felt I had found a lot of what I was searching for. I felt as if I had a purpose and I belonged, unfortunately like most other things in life that feeling wouldn’t last long.

Chapter 16 (Betrayal)

I was happy to have a best friend and even happier to have a girlfriend. As tough as I proclaimed to be, in having this company, I realized just how much I missed it. Staying to yourself all of the time wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be, and I missed the interaction. I became real close to Jay and even closer to Noel, it was good, while it lasted. Eventually my ride on cloud nine would be cut short by the realities of how foul some people could be. While walking out of construction class one day, Jose approached me in front of the lockers and told me he had to talk to me about Jay. He told me Jay had been trying to talk to Noel behind my back and he felt like it was something I should know. I thought it was a joke and immediately went into denial. He ruined any chance I had at vacating in my denial phase by showing me letters Jay and Noel had been exchanging for the last few weeks. Apparently he stole those letters from Jay’s bag, and could no longer keep the truth from me. He’d been telling me for weeks that Jay was full of it, and honestly I thought he was just jealous