Beautiful Darkness - Maurice Mitchell (best inspirational books txt) 📗

on her computer, and another one on the phone. I didn’t know if it was pay back or genuine, but either way I couldn’t handle it. My talks with Sabrina became longer and soon we hung out. Candy decided she had enough and we finally broke up. In that time I relied on the comfort of Sabrina to get me through the days. It was hard without Candy, it wasn’t the same and I was just trying to get through the nights. Sabrina and I became closer and eventually developed a friendship, I needed that. As time went on I did something I should of never done, I allowed myself to catch feelings for her. We appeared to be in the same situation and I thought we were in it together. Problem was there was a small piece of information she decided to leave out. Turned out that guy she was “kind of talking to” was her boyfriend, and they were practically in love. The fact that we were “talking” eventually got out and it wasn’t long before the dude was calling my phone. I saw him at a party and the tension was obvious, I knew it wouldn’t be long until it hit the fan. He was a tall muscular brown skinned kid, with a very limited amount of swagger. He called my phone making a variety of threats and once again trouble worked long and hard to find me. I didn’t know if I should be mad because she lied, because this dude called my phone, or because all of these happen and it wasn’t even over the girl I loved. What the hell was I involved in? The same night he called my phone, I found out where he lived and made my way to his apartment. I didn’t want the beef to linger and I was just ready to let it be what it was going to be right there. Plus he told a few people he was looking for me, and I wasn’t really a fan of being looked for, so I made myself pretty accessible. As I waited by the front door of his lobby, he pulled up in a black truck with a few friends. He came home after about five minutes of waiting and some words were immediately exchanged between his people and mine. It was dark and quiet, but both parties were pretty hostile and the air held an extreme amount of tension. I was basically there to tell him look this is what it is between me and your girl and you’ll never have to “look” for me again. Before I could finish speaking my piece, coincidentally she was calling my phone. I answered and put her on speaker and she started crying begging me not to hurt him. I think that hurt his pride and he decided his anger should be directed more towards her. Our beef was over, but my beef with Sabrina was still alive. In the end she decided to work things out with him. Honestly, I didn’t really care, I missed Candy, but it was the principal that bothered me. I still felt betrayed, I was honest about my circumstances and expected the same from her. Now it seemed like no matter who I was with, I was thinking about the other girl. Sabrina told me that we couldn’t be friends and she would never call me again. That lasted for about two weeks then she was back to calling. It was as if she didn’t care about dudes feelings or mine. It was another lesson on love and more importantly woman. It appeared they were both full of it, I felt I needed to let them be. I wasn’t happy at home and I wasn’t happy outside of home, it made me wish I’d never got involved with anybody. Candy and I would eventually get back together and try to work things out. It worked for a while and I remained completely faithful. Regardless, I think in the end the damage was done, and we had one hell of an uphill battle to fight. We both had demons inside and it seemed neither of us was strong enough to fight them. I loved her, but she wasn’t the girl I fell in love with, and it was obvious the feeling was mutual. We did manage to make things work all the way up until graduation. That was a bitter sweet time for the both of us, we were both happy to be leaving, but had to face that fact that we would be officially separated. Up until that point I’d managed to stay out of any confrontations and I was reasonably happy. I knew my family was coming into town soon and I was pretty damn excited about graduating. However, like he’d done so many times in the past, the Devil would come knocking when he sensed accomplishment.

I was in these apartment complexes looking for a specific party one night trying to meet a friend of mine. I was slightly intoxicated and couldn’t remember which apartment he said it was in. The building was brand new and there weren’t any people or noise in the hallway. I felt the party couldn’t be in that building, but I did hear music coming from a specific apartment. I knocked on the door and a short, stocky white boy answered. He told me with an attitude that who I was looking for wasn’t there, then he slammed the door in my face. I wanted to laugh it off, I swear I did, but I couldn’t, I kicked the door out of frustration and began to make my way down the hall. Before I could reach the hallway door, he opened his apartment door and yelled, “Kick my door again ni**a!” Now being that this white boy dressed and talked like a black guy, I’m not exactly sure what he meant by the term. All I knew was it was offensive, and I was pist. I ran back to the door and tried to grab him, but he ducked inside. Before I could put my hands on him, everybody who was inside began coming out, and to my surprise, it was Brent and his new friends. The last time I saw Brent up close we got into it and I smacked him, I had a feeling this wouldn’t be pretty. Still, I was intoxicated and so angry in the moment that I still tried to get to the white boy while Brent’s people where trying to throw me back in the hall way. Once I realized that Brent was one of the people grabbing me I swung on him. I missed, and then one of his boys grabbed me and we started wrestling in the hallway. They tried to jump me and I remember making my way out the door and finally getting outside. Once I got outside I pulled my knife out and everybody’s intentions immediately changed. I remember hearing “Oh this ni**a got a knife” and “He ain’t stabbing me though.” I don’t remember much after that, I blacked out. What I do know is, I was drunk and I was outnumbered at least six or seven to one. I left without a scratch on me. It was around that time my man D from East New York showed up with a few people and evened the playing field a little bit. D was a light skinned bigger kid, who had an attitude very similar to mine. Of course there would be no fighting now and everything was good. Once again I found myself in a situation where the results could have been so much worse, I was saved….Again. I’m not exactly sure why my luck was so bad, and how I found myself in that situation in the fist place, but still I needed to be grateful it ended the way it did. A few days later my family arrived and it was graduation time. All my boys were there and I was as happy as I’d been in a long time. A week earlier I’d got a phone call from a Top Dolla Records Rep and he said he was interested in working with me if I came back to New York. It felt like with everything I’d been through so far, all the hard work, blood, sweat, and tears were finally about to pay off. I was excited and it finally felt like my life had a meaning, a purpose. I was ready to conquer the world, and show everybody who I really was. This was my moment, and I was ready. New focus, new mind, new agenda, New York.

Chapter 24 (New Focus, New York)

So I arrived in back in New York searching for what I felt I lost as kid. I was in a search for myself, trying to find me. Back on a path that was eroded and tarnished by the necessities of life. I felt like everything I’d gone through up to that point in my life led to this very moment. There was a challenge in front of me and I was ready for it, at least I thought I was. The rep from Top Dolla Records offered for me to stay with him and work on my music. I wanted to, but my family didn’t agree, so I was convinced to move back in with my Grandmother. A decision that would later prove to be necessary but challenging. I came back home with an open attitude but a closed heart. I still had trust issues, a bad attitude towards love and many demons inside of me. It didn’t take long for the city I loved to exploit that, I ran into drama fast. I got to working with J.D the music rep pretty quickly. I called him as soon as I touched down and he started bringing me to the studio. In the beginning I was going by myself and trying to find my way in. The studio was constantly filled with dudes and it took a while before I would talk to any of them. It seemed like everybody had an agenda and nobody gave a damn about the new kid standing alone. I couldn’t be mad, I knew what it was. It was awkward though, I was so used to having a crew or at least one familiar face around me that I could trust to a certain extent. But in those times I was completely solo, surrounded by street dudes who all had the same goal, but different agendas. Eventually I started rapping and recording and I could sense the hate immediately. There was a great deal of respect between most of these dudes and myself but it was obvious I’d be making friends no time soon. See in that industry everybody is for self, and truth be told I’m a lot better then most, so I knew nobody would want to help me. Rather then help a man who could potentially bring in millions, they rather fend for self with no talent. J.D would constantly tell me to go to the studio, but he was never around. It was as if he introduced me to everybody and made it alright for me to be there, but never actually helped me develop as an artists. How the hell was I supposed to progress by going to a studio everyday and just sitting around listening and watching other artist make music. I’d already learned all I needed to know about artist, don’t trust them, and I’d already learned all I needed to know about friends, there are none. I just wanted to learn about music. I wasn’t just happy to be around platinum selling artist like Jay-Bills and Amnesia. It also wasn’t like I was just going to run up on Jay and ask him to do a joint