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1 - Love at first sight


It was the beginning of sixth grade, Thatā€™s when I saw her standing there. Let me just say I wasnā€™t looking to date anyone that school yearā€¦ Or even make friends for that matter. But as I got farther and farther into the school year, I started making friend after friend after friend. Thatā€™s when I decided to just let the school year lead me through.

I started to sit with a certain group of people every day at lunchā€¦ although she wasnā€™t in that group. I never had the courage to even look her way let alone talk to her or at least attempt too. I never knew what it was about her or why I couldnā€™t talk to her. So I just kept to myself and bottled up my feelings for her. Each day she would sit with her own group of friends and I would try not to look over thereā€¦ It never worked. I would always for some reason not be able to take my eyes off of that table. It drove me insane! I never knew why I couldnā€™t stop looking over there. But I just let my mind and body do what they pleased its not like I could control what my mind thought aboutā€¦ No one can.

Weeks and weeks pasted by I still hadnā€™t even tried to talk to her, I was to scared. There was just something about her. Was it her beauty? Was it her hair? The clothes she wore? I had no clue. No one had ever done this to me. My mind didnā€™t know what to think, and neither did I.


2 - Uhh...


It was around the middle of last year. I and the people I sat with at lunch started to fightā€¦ next thing I knew me and them were far from being friends. We wereā€¦ enemies anymore. Thatā€™s when Alexus came into the picture. She saw that I had no one to sit with at lunch and asked me if I wanted to sit with her and her friends. Little did I knowā€¦ the girl that I couldnā€™t keep my eyes off of sat with Alexus everyday at lunch.

I didnā€™t know what to say do or think. I spoke without thinking and said ā€œYeah sureā€

When lunch time came I was completely terrified. I didnā€™t know what I would say or do. I was so terrified I couldnā€™t even think straight. Standing in line at lunch seemed to have taken forever. When I got my lunch I looked for the tableā€¦ when I spotted it I was terrified beyond this world. It took me a little while to get the courage up to go over there. When I got to the table Alexus said ā€œHey girlā€ and introduced me to the whole group. First was Mathew, then Armandoā€¦ then it was her. I was so terrified. I didnā€™t say anything except hi the whole lunch.

After a couple lunch periods I started to talk more often and start conversations. But for some reasonā€¦ When ever she was talking I got this feeling inside of me. I didnā€™t know what it was or how to make it go away. Truth is it wouldnā€™t go away no matter what I did.


3 - Things warming up!


She and I started to talk as the weeks flew by. I found myself stuttering a lot. But for some weird reason I only stuttered when I was talking to her. It was like she had me under a spell. But what spell? I didnā€™t know. All I knew is I would sweat and stutter when I talked to her. I didnā€™t get it at all! It was the middle of winter and I was sweating while talking to her! By this time I swore that she had me under some type of spell. But I still didnā€™t know what type of spell this girl had me underā€¦ and the fact that it was only her that made me act this way.

After sitting with them all for about 2 months I was talking much more. But still stuttered and sweated when I was talking to herā€¦ Or even just heard her talk. By this time I thought I was completely insane. I didnā€™t trust myself around her. I couldnā€™t figure out for the life of me why I acted this way around herā€¦ or why I stuttered, sweated. I couldnā€™t even figure out why my head was in a cluster! My own mind and I couldnā€™t figure it out!

11:45 rolled around and that means lunch time. I was still very confused and nervous around her and with the whole situation itself. When I got my lunch I slowly walked up to the table nervous and shaky as could be like always. Everyone says hey and I say hey back and the conversations begin. Same as always I started to sweat and stare at her. Some days she would ask what Iā€™m staring at and I just froze. I didnā€™t know what to say I just sat there stunned, nervous and scared. I asked my self over and over what should you say. I never got an answer. My mind was in such a cluster. I couldnā€™t answer herā€¦ so I just got up and threw my tray away. That went on for weeks and weeks.

That night I went home and lay on my bed and thought about everything she causes me to go through. At first I had no clue what it could be about her that had gotten me this way. I had no clue stillā€¦ then it hit me right square in the faceā€¦ā€¦ā€¦ I had fallen in love with her.


4 - Best friends... But closer (;


The next day I kept trying to understand how I could have fallen in love with a complete stranger to me. Itā€™s possible though I told myself. But then I thoughtā€¦ā€¦ why her? I didnā€™t know. But what ever the reason was didnā€™t matter. I liked the feelingā€¦ā€¦ I no longer cared that I basically suffered around her. It was a good type of suffering. I liked itā€¦ā€¦ I donā€™t know why but I really liked it.

There was just one problem though I didnā€™t know if she was straight or bisexual. When I realized that I just felt like crying. I could feel my eyes start to tear up. And this wasnā€™t a happy cry either. I told myself that I would have to find out that information some how. But how? I realized then that as time went by we would get closer and closer.

Sure enough I was right by almost the end of the year we were best friends. We were like a monkey and a banana. We were like un-spreadable.

Time went by week after week. It was after lunch one say when a sudden urge came over me to go over to Hannahā€™s desk. I wasnā€™t about to fight myself this time. When I went over there she was in the middle of talking to someone on yahoo. I asked her who she was talking to and thatā€™s when it happened. She said ā€œIā€™m talking to my GF.ā€

I asked her ā€œYour bi?ā€

She said ā€œYes but shhhhh I donā€™t want everyone knowing yetā€

So I didnā€™t say anything. Inside I was jumping up and down with excitement. I found out that she was like me Bi. I was speechless. In a good way of courseā€¦ but wow was I happy.

Days and days pastā€¦ I still had no clue how to tell her I liked her way more then a friend. I didnā€™t even know if I should tell her or if it was better of being a secret. I thought to myself of what could happen if I told her. There were of course good and bad results as there are in most situationsā€¦ but this situation was a BIG deal for me. I didnā€™t just want to open my mouth and ruin everythingā€¦ but at the same time I wanted to tell her so very bad. But she already had a GF and she seemed happy with her at the moment beingā€¦ so I just kept my mouth shut.


5 - Healing


A couple of weeks had gone by sense I found out about Hannah being Bi. My emotions for her kept building up in me, I felt like I was going to explode! But I kept telling myself to calm down and take a

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