Straight Talk, No Pretense - Abasiodiong Ekarika (love novels in english .txt) 📗

to live up to one hundred years. You are really deceiving yourself.

If you intend to be better, set specific, measurable and achievable goals. Have defined strategies for reaching these goals and be able to track your progress knowing that you will share your success story. Have an excellent character now and be determined to sustain it in marriage, a change in character play a vital role in making partners lose interest after a few years in marriage.

Know what is good for you don’t rush. Many who rushed are failing, take time to develop yourself or you’ll be insulted. Know what you are growing into, if as a single woman you are always wearing lingerie with bum shorts and at marriage you opt for wrapper and adieu papa shirts be bold to tell yourself whether you are progressing or not. Don’t lose interest in yourself for another person. Finally, never ever neglect yourself or put yourself second, eat before you feed that man/woman that comes every time to your house in the evening. Sponsor yourself before you sponsor another person. Buy designers and flex before you buy for someone. Never put yourself last, be passionate for your growth as much as you are passionate about the growth of others. Don’t stop working, don’t stop striving, and don’t stop showing kindness, many marriages have grown out of love because when both parties were single this attitude was not learnt and practiced.

Chapter 5: Attitude

Attitude is a very important determinant of human nature. Attitude can go a long way to improve your relationship. As a single man/woman it is very easy to think that being unmarried is depressing you begin to feel you deserve all the love that is showered on someone else and as a result you act in a very wrong way.

Attitude defines who you are, it tells a lot about you whether you are trying to impress somebody, whether you are mean, whether you are approachable, whether you need validation before you know you are beautiful. As a single man/woman access your life, do you have a negative behavior that chases people away from you? Do you impose yourself on others? Are you really single because you are not ready to marry or because you have been rejected?

Have a positive mindset, challenge assumptions, be self-confident, love yourself, be happy and be exceptional. As a single man, be conscious to use deodorant, be open but don’t use abusive words, be a respecter of feelings. If you feel you are not up to the standard of a woman back out from seeking a relationship with her and improve yourself. Be confident, nobody likes to see a man who is shy, who cannot speak up, who can only gossip, who needs to smoke before he can do anything challenging.

Many people know you are single just stop attaching too much, what is yours will find you. You are a human being don’t turn to a pest, don’t become a nuisance, it’s disgusting when you attach yourself recklessly to anybody people will readily know you are seeking attention. The lady that walked pass is not intimidated by you but revolts your nasty and touchy attitude.

Create boundaries, don’t let your life revolve around a certain person. As a lady, don’t share your past stories when there is no need to, speak when required and think before you speak. Don’t talk without control like a tap which the noose has gotten spoilt. Talking without care of anything in the world will only empty you out and lead you into trouble because you’ll share your story and end, share another person story and end then lie, lie and lie.

Explore other areas of life, maintain your friendship and be adventurous, take out time to hang out with your friends.

You are not poor stop asking for urgent money. Get your hands dirty and work, don’t be dependent on a man, work hard and earn your own money, don’t place your existence on a man, don’t reduce yourself to a sex object, even if a man supports you have boundaries and clearly indicate you are able to cater for yourself. Appreciate a man that supports you, nothing more nothing less, show him that it is not a big deal for you and gain your respect.

Work, stop being lazy. If you are a gold digger you’ve gotten it all wrong, be a promoter of growth. If you are not financially independent now you will be like a child that needs to suck the mother’s breast to survive in marriage.

As a single woman, if you are stepping out for a dinner, order for what you are comfortable to pay for. Don’t order in excess, your date could decide not to pay. If you are making an order do it for two and pay for it so as to avoid being treated as a charity project or a miserly individual who has been helped.

Learn to walk out from an embarrassing financial situation. Carry your “vex money “, a “vex money” is cash that has been set aside for payment when in an embarrassing situation.

Be forgiving, don’t hold on to past hurts and look beyond your perfections. Do not ever let your wrath last until the sun goes down, if you are unhappy with what has been done voice your complaints, don’t lie that you are having mood swings, don’t give “no” as an answer when it is meant to be “yes “.

Appreciate differences. Be able to manage conflict and have discussions on ways to better your relationship. Be able to keep quiet and listen, you can’t win an argument at all times. If you feel you have to then you have pride. Stay humble and accept your wrongs don’t make statements like; “ why you come dey open eyes for me “, “ abeg, get out “, “ I know all this but the fact still remains the fact “, “ okay, is that why you've been making noise? “ etcetera.

Show respect, respect is reciprocal. Treat everyone with respect and demand respect. Don’t look down on any man. As a woman refuse to be debased and sidelined wherever you find yourself. Don’t cheapen yourself. Demand respect from any man. Be noble and challenge anyone who says that as a woman you can only offer emotional support and sex. The world has seen the rising of women, women are playing key roles, women are the policy makers and women are proving their worth. Deborah in the Bible was a woman who was used by God, Hannah was a woman through whom God raised a prophet in Israel, Queen Esther was a woman who delivered her people through the help of God, Mary was a woman who God favored highly and made her bear Emmanuel. You are a woman, you do great, do let anyone make you feel less. Don’t act less.

Respect yourself, don’t shoot yourself, invest in yourself, attend counselling sessions, listen to lectures from great women leaders, don’t look up to a man. Sex cannot give you everything. Show love to one another, be your own kind of person, value yourself, be polite and be supportive.

As a single man avoid using abusive words, don’t mislead and don’t be heartless. If someone needs your advice and support don’t badmouth them or discourage them rather guide him/her. Let your word always be guarded.

Chapter 6: Insecurities

 Insecurity is lack of confidence. It can be exhibited through various ways. As humans there is every probability to think we have gotten it together but it’s a lie. That’s just self-righteousness in actions and self-righteousness is a sneaky wicked thing, we are all flawed and it is for this reason we strive for perfection.

Insecurity tends to make persons act unreasonably, so, never mock anyone, happily learn from others, and don’t scorn them. Find opportunities and better yourself. Don’t betray your loved ones because you feel intimidated by them. Don't bully another to cower under pressure.

If you are struggling to boost your confidence start believing that you have confidence and act it out. In dealing with insecurity your most frequent prayer should be one that seeks a help from God. If you don’t speak to God about your issues and seek help, you’ll keep struggling and struggling. Struggling and struggling will make you more miserable and devastated.

If you have prayed to God to give you the grace to be better in Jesus name keep praying instead of worrying, believe it is done and start enjoying being alive and productive. Believing leads into the way of God and more.

Be confident in yourself, accept yourself and appreciate yourself. Handle your issues independently. Never be too desperate or insecure, you’ll only end up chasing people away unknowingly. Desperate people are not appreciated, as a single man know women detest desperate men and as a single woman know men detest desperate women.

Be humble, don’t let what others say bring you down. If you make a mistake, don’t feel low of yourself or have a low self-esteem, learn from it and try to be your best.

Don’t be jealous, jealousy is being overprotective. Don’t overreact or doubt someone innocence and excellence. Caution yourself to not spite the successful. Don’t gossip and don’t spill secrets because you feel you are challenged. You are not a perfect man so don’t judge someone, if you’ve learnt anything about anyone it is because you have been given the opportunity to know, this privilege is not an open door to determine how he/she will his/her.

Remain silent, you really don’t have anything important to say. Have standard, don’t be too vulnerable. Have your guts but don’t be proud as a man/woman remember the grandmother/grandfather in the village was once like you, they were beautiful and handsome. Don’t do something that you’ll regret later in the future, your riches will be forgotten but the life you lived will always be remembered.

Whatever you put your mind on affects it and will bear consequences. Don’t believe in negativity. As a Christian don’t feel like you are not making progress in Christ despite your efforts. Think positive, listen to God without a fleshy mind but with a pure spirituality. Think things in purpose that will benefit you.