Straight Talk, No Pretense - Abasiodiong Ekarika (love novels in english .txt) 📗

and accept you for what you have become. He should be able to let go of the past and not hurt you with it. He should not compare you with another woman with anyone. He should treat you honorably and be able to apologize for his mistakes. A man that treats you like a rag when you treat him like a king should be avoided. Leave a man who will do something stupid without being concerned to apologize and be remorseful.

Your man ought to be supportive, ought to listen as much as he talks. He should be funny, respectful, honest and genuine, he should be able to surprise you with gifts and support even when you did not expect it, he should constantly tell you how special you are and never look down on your background. If your man is an unforgiving man who can never be concerned to care for you, never forget that he will disgrace you in public and tear you down in private, he can never respect you.

You don’t need to let a man know who he is and the role he should play. A man should be able to know himself, he should know his limitations and he should know his strength. He should know he has a responsibility of supporting you, caring for you, providing for you and trusting you to be able to take wise decisions.

Avoid a man who does not have a purpose or vision, avoid a man who is trying to impress, avoid a man who wants to do beyond his resources or follow the crowd. Never date a man who cannot stand alone and take decisions. Your man should be able to control his tongue and be spiritually mature serving God in spirit and in truth.

Chapter 8: The Spec

Spec is a word used to define the choice a person has. This choice embraces the envisaged characteristics and personality of a future partner. Your spec is the ideal person you want to marry. Individuals around the world have envisaged their partner to be complete and perfect. This is not a wrong thinking however it has lead persons to destructive marriage. A person’s choice sometimes is elusive and unrealistic. The individual seeks excellence in a supposed human being whom he/she believes will get married to. Some example of these choices are that; a person should be very rich, a lady should be well fleshed in the right areas, a man should have broad shoulders and six pack, a man should have beards, a lady must be fair and not dark, a man who is not a nerd, someone who can cuddle, someone who can take an offensive joke, a lady who is short, someone who has the fear of God, someone who speaks fluent sarcasm, a man who is a feminist, a man who is complicated, a lady who is unassuming, a lady who knows mathematics, etcetera. Although, individuals have the right to make choices sometimes one can be bias and not futuristic.

Determining what your spec is must be done carelessly but with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Your spec has to be someone who will complement you and not make you whole. Your spec is not someone you’ll start training as a son or daughter, you are not his/her second parent but a potential help meet. Never determine your spec based on beauty, material possession and social acceptance. If you are basing your decision on these factors know after few years’ beauty begins to fade and one will become tired of seeing the same face every day leading to loss of interest. Secondly, old money will vanish and can only be sustained when effort is made. Lastly, nobody can be accepted everywhere, one just has to be reasonable.

You have a choice on who your spec should be however your spec should have a right heart. He/she must be filled with the Holy Spirit and have an excellent character. Don’t marry out of pressure or pity whether the person is your spec or not, you’ll regret it. Let your spec be one with a forgiving heart. As a man let your dream girl be one who can have an argument and still apologize genuinely with such a character when you get married to her it’s only death that can separate the both of you because she respects you. If your spec is one who is packaged and uses a seductive voice but does not have a forgiving heart and respects you, you have failed woefully. Forgiveness is key because you’ll see each other mistakes often in marriage and there will be no pretense.

Your spec must have the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is a gift from God, a spec with the Holy Spirit will demonstrate genuine love to you because he understands that God is love and God so loved the world that he gave his only son without having second thoughts. Love will not sustain the marriage but the love of Christ will, he/she has the understanding that love can never sustain a marriage but Christ. He/she has the manifestation of the fruit of the Spirit. I believe you don’t want a spec that you will have to cast out demons every year or pray every night for problems you don’t know where it came from.

Your spec should be one that understands honestly not just to please you. He/she should be one that can survive with you and grow with you. He/she should be contented and not greedy for hundred thousand naira you don’t even have.

Your spec should be able to change and become updated with your idea of the person he/she is. Let he/she have knowledge of what you expect marriage to be and be willing to work with you. Most marriages fail because they did not understand what they are going into, they did not expect the in-laws to be antagonistic, brothers to be free headed and partner to be nonchalant.

Your spec should be able to be consistent. Consistency pays off in marriage. In marriage your partner will be able to continually do whatever good thing he/she does not stopping because he/she has achieved the goal. He/she should be able to continue doing what attracted the both of you. It should not become a matter of “eat, clean mouth “.

Your spec should be your friend, your companion not your enemy. Marrying your friend makes marriage enjoyable. A friend is someone who can accept your flaws and downsides. He/she does not berates you for obvious difference, he/she respects those you love. He/she pays attention to the said and unsaid, he/she helps without being told. A friend keeps your fire burning and is committed to growth. He/she shows support always and genuinely care for you.

It’s a beautiful thing be attracted to an amazing person, a man who is tall and muscular or a woman who has a curvy frame, a great thigh, who is fleshy and not skinny or plus size nevertheless it becomes pitiful when what you are attracted to is a walking corpse.

In as much your spec should be beautiful, your spec must be someone who has a healthy lifestyle and is not comfortable with being unclean, he/she should be healthy. He/she should be able to resist eating junk, should know his/her health status, should know what he/she does not like and what the body rejects. Your spec should be able to eat fruits, drunk water, and exercise, eat good meals and sleep at the right time.

Your spec should uphold integrity. He/she must not be a liar, he should be able to stand by his words. A man of integrity is highly treasured. Your spec should be able to tell you the truth and not lie to you. He/she must be faithful. He/she should have the will not to violate his/her personal ethics despite the pressure.

Your spec should be able to have intelligent conversations with you on any topic or issue. He/she must be able to challenge assumptions and suggest great ideas. It’s important to be knowledgeable and have a mature sense of understanding. It is attracting. Your spec should be able to comprehend messages, he/she should have common sense and be humble to share knowledge with you without withholding. The aim is not to be the smartest in the relationship but to avoid a situation of two fools in a ship.

Your spec must be someone that is financially independent and has an interest in business. Even if he/she does not have money he/she should be engaged in what is promising. He/she must be contented with what he/she has and strive to achieve more. He/she must be able to handle money. He/she should have a paying job and make his/her own money. A person who earns their own money without begging and stealing understand the value of money better than another who is ideal and not doing anything profitable.

Chapter 9: The Best friend

 Bestie is an informal word for a person’s best friend. As human beings we tend to align with those who share the same interest with us. A best friend possess unique qualities an acquaintance does not.

Your best friend is your confidant, he/she is the person you share your deepest secret with. Your best friend is not self-serving, he/she is committed to your growth.

Your best friend is a support system. He/she is there to encourage you and cheer you up. Your best friend is your cheer leader, he/she is the person that will be present even when no one wants to turn up.

Your best friend does not bring you down, he/she does not stab you on the back. He/she is honest to help you and is available always. Your best friend uses the right words on you and always roots for you.

Your best friend is not the person you practice sexual relations with. He/she is not your sex buddy or the heat you need when you are cold. Your best friend is not the person you kiss in the morning, kiss in the afternoon and have sex with in the night pretending to be helping yourselves before you get married. Your best friend is not the one that warms your bed when your partner is out of town.

Your best friend understands that your friendship has a purpose and fulfills that purpose. Your best friend sets goals with you and strives to achieve them.

Your best friend is not the person you are intimate with, he/she is one who is able to resist the urge to fornicate. Your best