Straight Talk, No Pretense - Abasiodiong Ekarika (love novels in english .txt) 📗

concerned about the welfare and growth of your partner. Don’t believe he/she is doing well communicate and be sure he/she is fine.

Don’t be rude, have a positive attitude, be able to compliment and encourage your partner.

Know your blood group and genotype, know your health status. Know the blood group and genotype of your partner. Be able to know what he/she is allergic to or comfortable with.

Finally, be honest and be faithful. A successful relationship is sustained by truth.

Chapter 17: Courtship

 Courtship is a phase that begins after a promise to marry, this is a very important phase. Even though there has been a promise to marry you should not live together during courtship but be able to activate the spirit of discernment when discussing life issues with your partner.

Courtship is an opportunity to know your partner’s parents, whether they are more traditional than conventional or vice versa, whether that have expectations that needs to be fulfilled, whether you’ll need to perform a traditional rite to declare your commitment to fidelity in the marriage Be able to relate with your partner's parent during this period. Know what they like and dislike, learn about their values, what they uphold and set as a standard and know what they belief in. Seek their approval, if they do not appreciate you as a potential son in-law or daughter in-law your partner should be bold to ask them why you are not wanted in the family. Speak to your partner to make an effort to present you in a positive light but don’t do it with coercion

You and your partner should be able to decide on the Church will worship. Will the both of you worship together? Be able to decide before hand whether you’ll both serve as church leaders or workers separately or as a family? Will he/she want to worship in another church, does he/she wants to remain in his/her home church? Does he/she feel that he/she can worship anywhere? Don’t insinuate a balance when you’ve not had discussions so as to avoid incidences where a husband or wife will have to worship in different denominations.

Have discussions on the possibility of growth as partners in the future. Ask questions that can reveal to you if the person you want to marry is ready to be focused on the family. Know his/her opinion on child delay, job loss, death, disability, divorce, separation, anger management, sex without consent and abuse. Know your partner’s opinion on growth and development in the marriage, marriage should not be the reason he/she did not advance his study or grow professionally. Make decisions on the number of children you will have or adopt, child spacing, birth control, finances, spirituality, social status and influence. Will he/she want to have separate cars or a shared car? Will he/she want to buy a car first or buy house furniture?

Be able to question yourselves on how you intend to grow and what you are not doing right. Gain knowledge on things that your partner considers non-negotiable no matter how insignificant it seems. Don’t guess answers, place a demand on your partner to answer questions that borders on a future with you and the children honestly. Know where you’ll live, have discussions on the type of house you’ll live in and the possible location. Get your partner's opinion on living in a rented house for a least a year, living in a family house or with a senior family member, will your partner be ready to live in a “face me face you” compound, a single room or a self-contain? Will he/she wait till you complete a project before building a house? What is his/her opinion on being gifted a house, car and other things that increases an individual social status?

Know if your partner will be ready to live in a rural area and not in an urban area because of the cost of living. Does he/she considers having a garden or a farm as part of a house? Will he/she be committed to being subject under a land lord or land lady for more than three years if you cannot complete your house because of financial strain? Ask questions and demand honest answers from your partner, in an effort to get married fast let him/her not pretend and lie to you that he/she will be able to cope when he/she will not be able to. You do not want to marry a person who cannot not stand by his/her words.

Determine how holidays will be spent. Know how you’ll spend the holidays, will you want to spend it with your partner alone or with your children? Will you have to visit your parents during the holidays and give them gifts or your parents will have to visit you during the holidays? Will you visit your in-laws together or separately? Will you rather spend a holiday alone or with your family or friends? Will you spend money? Will you buy gifts? Will plan excellent meals? Will you decorate the house?

Determine how the children will be educated, will the children have to spend their formative years home schooled or being enrolled in a school? Will the children attend public schools or private schools? Will they have to be enrolled in school at an early age? Will school at home or abroad? Will they stay in the hostel or they will go to school from home? Ask your partner the age he/she will start educating the children on sex and abuse. Will they have to learn it in school or you’ll teach them first at home? Will the children be allowed to explore technology or just read books? Can they ask questions? At what age will they be allowed to make decisions for themselves? When do you expect them to finish the higher institution? Know your partner’s opinion on child discipline. Will he/she allow the child to be flogged? Will he/she scold the child or correct the child with love?

Determine how money will be managed and make decisions on how money earned will be allocated for the family. Will money be managed individually or from a joint account? Make decisions on what percentage should come from your partner and who bears the responsibility of paying the bills, will you invest your money or you’ll save? Will you have an insurance? Will you make contributions or whatever one has he/she brings to the table? Determine who will pay the children’s school fees, buy groceries, pay the house rent, lay the shop rent, carry out maintenance, buy gifts for the children, and buy gifts for the parents and in-laws etcetera. Learn and understand how your partner handles financial responsibility, does he/she travel when it is to pay the bills? Does he/she switch off his/her phone when you are requesting for money and tag it as phone shut down? Does he/she runs away from responsibility? Does he/she manage money effectively?

Have discussions on family visits, will you welcome in-laws to your home? Know if your partner permits visitors at home, can he/she allow an in-law stay at home for more than one year even when he/she has not been invited? Can he/she allow family members visit and stay for long periods? Can he/she allow your in-laws to use the utensils? What is his/her opinion on having your mother, father or both parties living with you till they die whether or not they are not sick? Can he/she care for a relative who is an orphan, fatherless or motherless without treating him/her like a slave? Can your partner allow your relatives to enter the kitchen or cook?

Know your partner’s opinion on relatives who feel that have to share everything with the family including the bedroom and the toilet, know his/her thoughts on being called “our wife” “our husband “by everyone in the village and beyond. Does he/she welcome the idea of you being called a husband or wife by aged women who held you see dear? Does he/she welcome the idea of you being called mama, Papa, mother or father by those who are not your biological children?

Ask your partner sensitive and important questions concerning your in-laws during courtship, this will help you to know if he/she is ready to treat as family those that raised you up whether or not they are not your blood relatives.

Know how the children will be named, discuss on the naming of the children. Can they be named by your in-laws, friends, colleagues or only you? Will the name of a child be influenced based on the inspiration of the Holy Spirit or based on the challenges faced during child birth? Know your partner’s thoughts on naming a child with a native name or an English name, can the child be named in a different language? Gain insight on naming a child after a late relative, colleague or friend, will your partner be okay naming a child after a spiritual leader or the leader of the nation? Will he/she want the child to have different names with special names used to identify him/her child at home, at school, in the church, in the community and in the society respectively?

Have discussions on how you will live when you are working in different States. If your man/woman will work in a different state, will you migrate to where he/she is living or you’ll live separately? Know your partner’s opinion on living separately as a family, will he/she care for the family while you are working in a different state? Will he/she be able to run the home front when you are out of the country? Be able to determine your partner’s ability to run a family independently without your presence and in emergencies. Know if he/she will need a second hand to assist him/her execute responsibilities in your absence.

Chapter 18: Marriage

 Marriage is an institution recognized by God. It is a biblical injunction that man gets married for the purpose of procreation.

In marriage, you’ll face a lot of experience but it should not make you divorce rather you can separate. Marriage is not all sweet and awesome, you’ll face challenges especially in the first five years however you must not forget what brought you and your partner together as husband and wife, you must be able to pray effectively and cry onto God. There will be spiritual elements that will want to influence your marriage but you must be able to arise and act as your family gate keeper.

You have to be understanding, don’t beat your wife/husband with the