In Me - Tiffany Anyel (shoe dog free ebook txt) 📗

I wasn’t in any sort of a rush to leave my room anyway. Wasn’t ready to face--whatever was out there just yet.

I hadn't seen Paul since last night either. Since Lee slammed the door in his face. A part of me was embarrassed to see him. What if he hated me now? Or better yet convinced being with me--us having anything to do with each other after tonight would be a mistake?

I guess I couldn’t blame him if he did. Last night was…I didn’t even want to think about last night.

I had put myself out there--made myself available to him. And he had turned me down. Feeling silent tears run down my face—I wipe them away. More tears run down my cheeks.

Finally able to focus I see what I am holding—the brown bathing suit from the other night. Great—more memories to undoubtedly bring more tears.

I guess I had learned a lot about myself these last few days. And I have grown up so much—I can’t bring myself to regret it. I don’t.

And after last night… I had forgotten what it feels like to… want someone—I hadn't felt that way in I don’t know how long. My body was still burning from it. Just thinking about it…gave me tingles.

It had been too long since I had been…pleased in that way. Since I had been touched. Since I had surrendered myself to the moment. Being with someone—I needed now more than ever. Sex was definitely on the brain.

I hadn't thought about it in… forever it seems. It was another ‘thing’ I had pushed to the back convincing myself--it was overrated and I could live without.

But after last night…remembering how it feels to feel so hungry for something. How good it feels to for once let my body be in control. Let my body be my guide. To let my body show me how good it feels to let go. And it was still aching to show me--even now.

Letting out a sigh I zip up my suitcase taking a ‘cold’ shower. After I get ready I pause at the door. Okay, I’m ready. Let's do this.

I finally make it down to the beach sitting on a towel. I lay back letting the sun warm me. And I begin to day dream… I am running on the beach. I see a beautiful couple sharing a bowl of strawberries, licking the juices off each other--completely oblivious to the world around them.

The guy begins to kiss her neck, running his hands down her breast until they meet in-between her thighs. I couldn’t see his face but I imagined him beautiful. He had dark hair that looked unkempt as the woman ran her fingers through it.

She was completely enraptured as she leans her head back letting out a moan feeling him touch her there. I begin to feel hot as I watch them play with each other… Not noticing me he takes one of her breast in his mouth, she moans out in deep pleasure.

I sit down on the beach and watch them. I feel myself burning with desire--wishing I was her. That I could feel what she feels. I imagine myself in her place…I want to feel what she does.

Wanting to touch myself I let out a breath closing my eyes. The guy hears me and turns his head. Feeling his eyes on me—I open mine meeting his. And it’s Lee. Catching my breath I notice he has a big smile on his face as he watches me, watch them.

Startled I look at the woman…and its… its Jenn. She had her head back still in the moment. And I watch Lee’s smirking face as he begins kissing her body.

He stares at me grinning, while kissing her he begins saying my name “Kate…Kate…”

“Kate! Kate!” Realizing someone was actually standing over me shouting my name I stir in my sleep. “Kate!” I open my eyes and squint from the sun.

I see Paul standing over me. “Oh hey..”

He lets out a laugh, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone fall asleep on the beach before. Enjoying the sun I see.”

I sit up--still disconcerted from my dream I blink my eyes, “I can’t believe I fell asleep either. I guess I was still a little tired.” He sits down beside me, “Are you okay? What happened last night?”

Not meaning to--I let out a faint groan. I didn’t even want to think about last night—let alone talk about it. Paul seeing my expression looks at me, worry plain on his face, “What? What happened between you and Lee—did he hurt you?”

Not wanting to upset him I respond, “No, no of course not.” At least not physically anyway I whisper silently to myself. “So did you guys work it out then?”

I let out a sigh, “No not really—but this hasn’t been the first time me and Lee have got into it,” and smiling at him I continue, “And it probably won’t be the last—we’ll be okay” I wasn’t so sure if that last statement was true—but there was no need to tell Paul that.

“I’m sorry about Lee last night. He shouldn’t have…done what he did to you and for that I apologize.” I finally said looking at him.

Paul looks away staring out at the water, “It’s okay—I can’t really say I blame him. If someone would have did—well what I did last night to a close friend of mine I can’t say I wouldn’t of reacted the same way.”

And turning back to me he says, “I’m sorry Kate…for kissing you—the way I did. There’s no excuse for my behavior. I guess…a part of me wanted to make him jealous. I’m sorry for putting you in the middle of that.”

“It’s okay. I cant say that I didn’t mind you kissing me.” I say smiling at him. Of course Paul--I could be with him. Here was this sweet charming guy in front of me… why hadn't I thought of him before? I guess until last night…I hadn't gave ‘sex’ much thought. But now it’s all I am able to think about.

Lost in thought I immediately think of my dream--how I had wanted to be her. How I wanted to feel alive in someone’s embrace--my body being his center of attention. Well at least until Lee’s face popped up--ruining my sweet day dream. “

Kate?” “Yea?” “Why are you staring at me like that? Not that I mind but I can’t say it’s not giving me ‘dirty thoughts’ either.”

Realizing I was staring at Paul—rather seductively, while licking my lips, I clear my throat giving him a shy smile.

What was with me? If I didn’t get a handle on this quick…I dunno. The next guy who looked at me in that way--I’d be ripping his clothes off.

“Umm...Paul?” “Yea?” “Could we possibly do something together tonight, alone maybe? Since its our last night on the beach.” Smiling at me he responds, “I would love to. What do you have in mind?”

“It doesn’t matter—a quiet picnic on the beach could be fun. But I’ll leave it up to you.” “Okay, that sounds fantastic actually.” And gleaming at me he continues, “I'm glad you thought of it.” “Yea me too.”


****


As I looked in the mirror—I was silently pleased at what I saw. I had decided to bring out the red sexy number that I had been too scared shitless to wear until now.

It was ‘technically’ a full piece--although it didn’t hide much. It opened up at the back and front. And had two small strips on the side connecting the bottom and top portion together. It was beautiful and I looked stunning in it.

I had convinced myself that tonight was going to be ‘the night’ with Paul. After we laid on the beach--we went swimming, playing around in the water. It was fun. I enjoyed being with him and I was ready to give myself to him.

It had been so long since I had done anything like this I was nervous that I wouldn’t know what to do. But I wouldn’t let my nerves stop me--this time.

And staring at myself now I hoped Paul liked what he saw. I was beyond sexy—I even decided that I wasn’t going to ‘cover up’ this time. I wanted to feel sexy—and be sexy. I just hope I can pull this off. Letting out a sigh I leave the bathroom.

I hadn’t seen Lee all day today--not that I was looking for him. I had been silently avoiding him--and Jenn too. That dream had pissed me off—I was beyond upset with my subconscious.

I bend down putting some things in my suitcase. Hearing a knock at the door I shout, “Yea come in Paul I was just getting ready to…” I finally turn around and see Lee closing the door.

Why does he keep doing that? Showing up right when I don’t need him to. “What do you want?” I finally said walking to my drawer grabbing my lip gloss.

“Can we talk?” Lee said sounding a little nervous. Rolling my eyes at him I walk to the bathroom putting on my lip gloss, “What do you want Lee? Because I really cant talk right now—as you can see I’m busy.”

“I know but I can’t stand the way things are between us right now Kate! Look can’t we just talk?” Lee finally said walking toward me standing in the bathroom doorway.

I was so sick of talking--I needed to be held by someone, to be touched. And no matter how much ‘talking’ I did—it wasn’t going to happen unless someone shut up, and started doing it.

Hearing myself huff in the mirror--annoyed, silently frustrated I turn looking at Lee, “Lee I am sick of talking. I don’t have anything else to say to you. And even if I did—believe me talking right now is the last thing I want to do. What!? Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Where are you going dressed like that?” Lee finally said meeting my eyes.

And looking him dead in his eyes I respond, “I’m going to Paul. We are spending the night together—on the beach. Why--you like what you see? Then you are going to love picturing Paul take it off me.”

Meeting my eyes he finally smiles letting out a laugh, “What--you’re expecting me to be mad now? I’m supposed to be jealous now, right Kate?”

He slowly walks up to me never leaving my eyes, and he leans over whispering in my ear, “We both know who you really want taking it off you…and it’s not Paul..”

Hearing my own heart pounding as I felt his breath on me, his lips so close all I would have to do is turn my head and we would be kissing--I close my eyes. “See? Where is the smart attitude now?”

He kisses my ear and glides his hand up my back, “You can’t hide it from me now Kate, how much you want me…it is written all over your face.”

He runs his hand slowly down my naked belly stopping just above where I was on fire below, he glides his hand up