In Me - Tiffany Anyel (shoe dog free ebook txt) 📗

for the worse. What if we got together and it made things awkward between us?

I couldn’t handle Lee not being in my life—and I would rather have him in it as my best-friend for a life-time than a lover for who knows how long.

I didn’t want to lose him and if it meant swallowing the urge to rip his clothes off every time I was around him… then that’s something I would just have to do.

“Kate look at me,” Lee said sounding serious for the first time. I turn my head not meeting his eyes.

“I’m not looking for things to change between us either. If you’re worried about me looking at you differently than don’t be. It’s still me—Lee you’re with, no one else.” Lee said holding my face—making me meet his eyes.

“I know Lee… but I think we should stop. One night of being with you in that way… well it’s enough for me,” I said looking in his eyes--wanting to look away.

“It’s enough for you?” Lee asked still holding me. “You know what I mean Lee.” “No—no I don’t. What do you mean Kate?” Lee said finally releasing my face, sitting up.

“I mean I’d rather be the girl you come to--to vent about all your ‘other girls’. Not the girl you’re venting about.” I finally said sitting up meeting his eyes.

“Who are all these ‘other girls’ you’re even talking about Kate? You know me—I don’t date. And the only ‘girl’ in my life right now besides you is Jenn—and that’s been that way for a while now.” Lee said looking at me.

Instead of answering him, I get up climbing toward him on the bed, “Lee don’t be mad… please? We had such a great night please… don’t be mad at me.” I finally said no more than two inches from his face.

I lean in kissing him on the mouth. God it was going to be so hard having to give this up. He pulls away, “I thought we were supposed to ‘stop’ kissing each other remember?”

“Well let’s not think about that right now,” I look at the window, “ See--the sun is just coming up—so technically our night still isn’t over,” I finally said turning back to him lifting my eyebrows up and down.

Rolling his eyes--at my attempt to be funny, he lets out a sigh. “Come on Lee… I want you so bad right now,” I finally said sitting on his lap, kissing his neck.

“Don’t you want me?” I bring my face up looking in his eyes. He stares at me—clearly still mad.

“How can I say no to you? You’re just going to do it anyway.” Lee finally said--trying hard not to give in. I bite his ear, “You do know me so well… don’t you?”

He turns his face looking in my eyes, grabbing my hair--holding me, “I won’t be gentle.” “Is that a promise?” I ask licking my lips, smiling at him.

The Fear in me

In the shower I bring my face to water, running my fingers through my hair. Letting the water wash away all my troubles.

After me and Lee spent the morning together he left to pick up Jenn from Sam’s place. Clearly still upset with me--even though I pretended not to notice.

Lee could be so stubborn sometimes. I mean us sharing ‘a special night’ together—just couldn’t be enough. He has to want more from me--more he knows I don’t have. He even asked me himself ‘if I was ready for a boyfriend’--so the fact that he is upset with me right now doesn’t make any sense.

And it’s not so much the ‘boyfriend’ thing that scares me its… its… I’m not really sure but it’s not that. I mean if it was how do you explain Paul?

Okay he wasn’t ‘technically’ my boyfriend yet but I could see it happening. He seemed like the boyfriend type--I could see myself being with him. And I would rather be with him than Lee anyway.

I mean at least with Paul if we broke up I wouldn’t go spiraling out of control. Or give in to depression. I couldn’t handle it if me and Lee ‘broke up’. Me and Lee--we don’t ‘break up’, we fight, we play, we laugh, we (fill-in-the-blank), but break up? No we don’t do that.

I turn off the water--stepping out of the shower. After I get ready, I head down to the kitchen. I was kind of nervous about seeing Paul--after last night.

Silently hoping I had been wrong and Paul didn’t suspect anything--other than what I told him. I needed to believe that--at least if I was going to face him again.

A part of me felt bad about… well what happened. It was never my intention to hurt Paul and hopefully I didn’t. Only one way to find out. I slowly--and very nervously, turn the corner to the kitchen.

No one was there—I guess everyone has packed up for the weekend. There was a buffet of food half-eaten on the table. After grabbing some juice from the fridge I sit down to eat.

Hearing the front door open—I pause. Like fork in mid-air--mouth open pause. I could feel my heart pounding. No Kate you need to play it cool. You have nothing to feel ‘bad’ about.

Taking a deep breath I clear my throat finally taking the bite. Paul walks in—I pretend not to notice him pause when he sees me at the table. “Hey,” I said waving at him--sounding a little too ‘chirper’.

He doesn’t seem to notice as he smiles at me opening the fridge. He smiled at me--that means he doesn’t suspect right?

“So…umm how did you sleep?” I said looking down at my plate--as soon as the words came out of my mouth. Shit! I was hoping not to bring up ‘last night’ at all and of course that’s the first thing that comes out of my mouth.

“Oh I slept okay and you?” Paul finally said sitting at the table opposite of me. Crap this is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

“I slept good,” I finally said getting up to put my plate in the sink--I needed to keep myself busy. “That’s good. So I need to ask you something.” Paul said turning to me at the kitchen sink.

Oh god here it is. I slowly turn looking at him, “Yea?”

“How would you feel about staying one more night?” Paul asked getting up walking toward me. Okay--that was unexpected. “Umm… sure. I could use one more night on the beach. Why, what’s going on?” I finally asked trying to hide my silent elation--that it wasn’t what I was expecting.

“There will be a carnival on the beach tonight--well not exactly on the beach,” He smiles at me as he held my arms, “And John would like us to come and keep him company for a few hours while he volunteers at one of the booths,” He finally said as he ran his hands up and down my arms.

“A carnival? Okay, that sounds like fun. I don’t think I’ve ever been to one of those since I was a kid. Yay! Will there be rides?” I asked beaming.

Hearing the front door open--we both turn our heads. “That’s probably Jenn and Lee,” Paul finally said trying to peek around the corner still holding me.

I pretend not to notice how he said Lee’s name. It was subtle--but it was definitely there. But then again, Paul and Lee have never really gotten along… Stop it Kate. You’re reading way too much into this.

I silently let out a breath--choosing to let it go. “Jenn is that you? How is Sam?” Paul said a little loudly—trying to get ‘whoever’ was at the doors attention.

Yep it was definitely Jenn, I could hear her quietly arguing with Lee--they finally walk around the corner. “Oh hey Paul—what did you ask me?” Jenn said as she came into the kitchen standing at the door.

“I asked how was Sam when you left?” Paul asked. “Oh well you know Sam--she’s upset that it happened in the first place but physically she’s okay. I told her I was going to yank her out of the house tonight—she will be my date to the carnival.” Jenn finally said.

I pretend not to notice how she was purposely ignoring Lee--who was right beside her. And Lee who stood there watching me and Paul--more like just me--who also pretended not to notice as I had all my attention on Jenn.

“Okay good. I told her I would come by to see her today,” Paul said and he turns to me, “Will that be okay? If I leave you here for a while to go check on her?”

“Of course. Tell her I will see her tonight at the carnival,” I said as Paul ran his hands up and down my arms. I pretend not to notice the stares from Jenn and Lee out of the corners of my eyes.

“Okay good, and I will tell her for you,” Paul finally said leaning down kissing me on the mouth. Taken aback a little I instinctively kiss him back.

He pulls away looking at Lee--who I could only see out of the corner of my eyes. But I imagined him staring menacingly back.

Paul smiles turning back to me, “You should take a stroll down at the peer while I’m gone—they are getting it set up for tonight. It’s a little chaotic down there right now—but it could be fun. Give you something to do for a few hours until I get back.”

“Okay thanks—I might do that,” I said as Paul finally let me go kissing me on the forehead before walking away.

I turn watching him and Lee’s ‘stand-off’ as he walked by them—opening the front door.

Okay Paul definitely knows something--but if he does why is he being so nice to me? This couldn’t all just be about him not liking Lee--he’s never been so ‘out there’ about hating Lee before. No, he definitely knows something. I take a deep breath walking toward the door.

“So should we be expecting a ‘show’ from you tonight also?” Jenn asked as I walked by them--making it sound like she only asked if I would be joining them for dinner.

I turn around looking at her--she puts on a ‘cheeky’ smile clearly waiting for me to respond--I don’t. I begin to walk up the stairs--I couldn’t deal with Jenn right now. Her bitchyness