Where you belong - Samantha Thomas (i have read the book a hundred times .txt) 📗

shriveling up, yet being pulled apart at the same time. Something’s wrong with my baby, “HELP!”I had quickly realized my eyes were shut and I opened them and at the same time I placed my hand down below between my legs because I felt so hot there suddenly. When my hand returned it was dripping with blood. The sight of scarlet sent me reeling, I screamed with everything I had, “HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE MY BABY NEEDS HELP!”

With each new heave of pain and each new spout of blood, everything came crashing down instantly. My baby inside me might not live because of the man that created me, my father did this to her and I and has gone, left, like nothing had happened. He probably went to go celebrate. The pain became too much for me to bear, maybe it was a mixture of all of it together, I don’t really know if I’ll ever know for sure, but I went in and out of consciousness, screaming each time I came to.

Because of all this going on I’m not really sure how long I laid like that on the cold hard kitchen floor, but I remember someone coming into my home, by kicking the side door in and coming to my side. I couldn’t hear what she was saying I just only saw her mouth move, I was screaming so loud I cant believe it took that long for someone to come help me. She looked familiar, oh she was my neighbor, Suzanne they called her no, Miss Suzanne. In our neighborhood-which wasn’t so great, pretty bad if you ask me- her house was the one and only one that stood out she had magnificent gardens out front with all kinds of flowers you could imagine. I was always jealous and happy whenever I caught her home in my glimpse, I think everyone was even if a little. “Please help me! My baby my baby please my baby!” I kept shouting and shouting I think she was shushing me, but I couldn’t comprehend.

I soon saw lights flashing on the reflection on the side door glass. Blue and red. But everything was still eerily silent save for my screaming. What I was feeling right now could only be described as an out of body experience I suppose. It really explained a lot as to why I was able to think of all the odd and insignificant things I was presently thinking. I saw men in white and blue shirts pouring into the broken doorway but slowly with bags, and duffels, and a bed but they were moving so incredible slow, how dare they! “MY BABY!”

And just like that I was sucked back into my broken dire self. “PLEASE!” I was panting rapidly I couldn’t get anything else out I felt as I couldn’t breathe. I was grunting and felt as if I was about to vomit, and my insides were being torn out. And the blood all the blood everywhere on me, the floor, my neighbor, my hands. I just stared at them panicking, screaming, grunting, choking.

Everything was moving so incredibly fast, the men and a women were holding me down, touching me, trying to stick needles in me, attempting to hold me down, when what the should’ve been doing was saving my baby. My neighbor was moving to a standing position and with her bloody hands brought to her sad concerned face backed away for these people to do their work. She never left. Suddenly I was jerked into the air and wasn’t able to move. I had been strapped down to the mobile bed they had brought.

As I was leaving the house I could see why my neighbor had brought her hands to her face she had a rosary she was praying for me, and I really hope my baby too.

***********************************************************

I awoke in a bed in the standard white of a hospital room. I looked down and went to cusp my baby belly to find it wasn’t there I had no round belly, I was empty. I screamed.

A nurse came into my room almost immediately, followed by a few more, and rushed to the side of my bed.

“WHERE”S MY BABY?” I screamed. “Calm down, calm down!” one of the nurses shouted panicking, and that was just not possible, I wanted to know what the fuck happened, “Where is my daughter?” they came in around the sides of my hospital bed, trying to calm me down attempting to talk to persuade me to listen. I was beyond that, I was hysterical, what happened to my baby? Why where they not telling me? I decided I needed to listen, sucking in incredible amounts of air, trying to get a hold on myself, it was extremely difficult, I was hysterical. I just kept cupping my belly, it felt so disgusting so giggly like Jell-O fatty Jell-O. I tried to speak through my heart wrenching sobs, terrified for the answer, another nurse had entered my room and I hadn’t paid much attention to her she went straight to my Iv lines, and suddenly I felt funny.
“Please, where is my baby?” I whined out I couldn’t even see straight, everything I did see was through salty watered eyes. “She’s in the NICU she was born through emergency cesarean, and had difficulty breathing because her lungs were not fully developed yet, she was a very sick little girl honey. But she’s very strong,” the nurse who had first come in told me, her eyes were soft, and concerned but I found it all obsolete, my daughter was born, I didn’t understand what she was saying, I didn’t know what those big words meant, the only thing I understood was my baby was sick.

“What is that? What does all that mean? She’s strong-she’s ok though? She’ll be ok? Can I see my baby please?” I cried out I was terrified what did all this mean? I didn’t understand any of it. I felt like I was drowning in the ocean and being crushed at the same time. I could get to the top to get air, and the air I did have-steadily running out was being squeezed from me, from everywhere inside me.

I was in so much pain, and I just now realized it, my stomach was burning on fire, and all the squeezing my stomach was doing from the gut wrenching sobs and screams was causing some serious damage. Emergency cesarean kept replaying over again inside my mind, “Cesarean, what is that? You cut me? You cut my baby out? It that why I’m burning?” I cried out, my eyes closed into agony the sobs soaked my voice to an animalistic octave making it hard to understand my words.

And then I felt that funny again, and it felt itchy and worked all over my body, making the pain dull itself away, and I felt heavy in a good way, but the sobs were still there but dying, and I heard the nurse tell my quietly I should feel the morphine by now, and that it would take the pain away. Whatever that was, was doing its job, and I gratefully accepted it, but I didn’t accept the no response I got about my baby. “Please, my baby..” they were lifting my gown up, saying in hushed voices to check my surgical site for tears, I cringed. I caught her hand just before she left, she looked sadly down at me, and leaned in to my face,

“When you’ve had a chance to recover a bit I will take you to see her, but you’ve had very serious surgery you need to rest.” she said softly, nicely. And I looked up at her as she pulled her face away from my ear and nodded thanking her from the very bottom of my heart itself. She returned my nod with a short thoughtful one of her own and she left, they all did. I felt so tired and I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, and just before I shut my eyes one thought flitted into my brain at incredible force, it was of the song I heard just a few days ago, Capri by Colbie Caillat, I remember liking the name Sunny and it was then that I knew. “Sunny Capri” I whispered out, that was my baby’s name.

When I awoke, I was groggy and at first I hadn’t a clue where I was, but then a nurse came in pushing a cart. I had been laying on my side, when I saw her come in and as she walked up to me, I noticed it wasn’t an ordinary cart. “Oh my god!” I sat up abruptly, my breath failing me on my statement of shock, and I began to feel incredibly nervous as she stopped the cart with my daughter inside beside me. “Oh,” I said in awe at how small, and pink she was. She was so adorable, so, so tiny, so sweet her sleeping little face. I had one hand bracing myself as it hurt quite a bit to sit up so fast, but even that being said, I had my other hand at my heart it felt like it was clawing out to get to my baby. I looked nervously to the nurse, I didn’t know what to do, what to say, so I settled for, “C-can I touch her?” I was petrified and I gulped down some horror that had risen in my throat, looking at the nurse, “You can hold her,” she said with a smile, and she lifted my little bundle of love out of her clear little basket and came to my side, “You have to hold your arms like this honey,” as she demonstrated what I needed to do. I immediately did so and that was it not another word and my baby was in my arms, “Oh!” my breath failed me again and I felt such emotions such intense raw emotions I began to cry, my chest felt like I was being stepped on, and I couldn’t stop it. I sniffled and just took a shaky delicate finger I didn’t want to hurt her, but I had to touch her little tiny precious face, she was so beautiful. The tears poured down, and my chest rose and fell rapidly to the tune of sobs and I just silently wept with my very own baby, the little kicker and hungry black hole inside me rested asleep within my arms. I couldn’t believe she was here, that this was all happening I had forgotten the nurse was still beside me, “Are you alright honey?” she asked immediately concerned, and my head whipped up to face her and I nodded yes and took my IV heavy hand and swiped away at the ferocious onslaught of tears, squeaking out a meek sob stained “Yes, she’s just so beautiful,” and she smiled so warm, so big and loving, and I laughed having felt stupid for being such a korney crying mess.

“What are you going to call her? Her bassinette card needs a name sweetie, even though baby Hart is just to adorable,” the nurse said, surprising me. I looked up at her face again I had finally gotten a hold on myself and those crazy emotions, the nurse said it was perfectly normal for me to be acting that way that it was post partum hormones. I realized she also had been the one who was nice to me before when I had been hysterical, and I remembered my thought from last night. “Sunny Capri Hart.” I said with a smile, and her face hadn’t changed and I suddenly felt self conscious at the name I