troubled little ones - shukri hussein (bts book recommendations txt) 📗

ouch..I weaped, tears were streaming viscously down my tired cheek. Hunger and pain had woken me up like a careless alarm clock. My rough clothes rubbed against the deep, wounds on my fragile skin. "Louise!" screemed my mother from half way down the stairs, her startling voice gave me a painful concussion.I hated that bitch, ever since dad had passed away,she just wasnt a mum anymore."come down here you fucking loser  what are daughters for eh? useless peace of shit". Her spiteful words stung, but i slowely went down stairs trying not to make my spikey trousers rub too hard against my cuts. I tried as often as i can not to anger her, or else things can be detromental. shes wreckless when she gets vexed. I had two other younger brothers, Dave and Oliver, i loved them to bits and always take the blame for their stupidity or else.. lets just say i will be calling them -dave and oliver.My mum doesnt joke around, if you piss her off she'll either beat you senseless or if shes not bothered, then your not eating for a week or so.I was 9 and my little brothers were 5 and 6. Trying to make as little sound as possible, i approached my mother with my head down, "what did i tell you?" she exclaimed, after 3 and a half seconds of pure silence she repeated the question with much more emphasis "WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" she said once again with a tranquil yet eerie tone."sorry mother?" I uttered in a vulnerable voice. I lifted my head slightly to get a better look at this negligent beast who has nothing better to do with her wasted life. Before i could answer, she raised her giagantic arm and smacked me so hard on my already deformed cheek that i fell helplessly to the ground. "what the fuck is your problem" i mumbled as my tears muffled my croaky voice . "what the fuck is my problem? ill show you" after that, i pretty much ran as fast as my little legs could carry me. out of breath, hungry and weak, i soon lost balance and fell to the ground again.Loud, violent footsteps were coming my way but i didnt let that intimidating noise stop me, i got back up , sprinted to my room and slid under my bed all in one motion."where are you!" the strong smell of whisky travelled from her mouth and spread across the atmosphere up stairs."where the fuck are you! youre the one that challenged me and now youve scampered faster than flash" Some sort of movement i made with my leg somehow gave away my location. I legitemately knew at that moment that i would have more broken bones and wounds added to my list, possibly, if im lucky EVEN DEATH. She walked in with a merciless look on her face and slammed the door behind her.  

"you alright sis?"

"hellooooooooooooooo"

"i think shes dead"

"oh no Louise, Louise, Louiiiiiise!"

Eventually, i was able to respond to them verbally, but my body couldnt flinch.I didnt enjoy my brothers seeing me in this state. It was horrendous, their pale little skinny faces in desperate need of something to eat.Dave and oliver both loved me dearly,i always thought of them before i thouht of myself and i took that time i was lying on my bedroom floor in pain and agony to reflect on my unwise and selfish decision to talk back to mother.I cared very little about my physical state and cared more about the two most important poeple in my life seeing me in this vulnerable, week state. I didnt at any point want them to think that i am no longer capable of taking care and being there for them. Trying as hard as i can to withstand the feeling of extreme discomfort in my spine and neck and slowely pushed myself up from the freezing cold floor."dont worry guys ill be ok" i said, biting my bottom lip as hard as i can to prevent the tears waiting at the corner of my eye."come on " i said suddenly cheerfully, pulling them in for a big sisterly hug" "who thought i was dead!" i chuckled, trying to make it sound humourous. "well then, ill just have to come after both of you then", i said in a devious tone, i crawled towards both of them "whos ticklish?" I asked in a comanding tone."ahhh!!" the  little ones got up and bolted . sounds of laughter and joy briskley changed the previous sorrowful mood.Unfortunately,it wasnt long before our unfed bodies started to tire out.I felt lightheaded and nauseous and i could tell the boys also felt the same way."hey guys what do you say we go find some food!?"i suggested. "thats a good idea"groaned dave, i could see the fatigue and starvation in their innocent little eyes. I couldnt stand the look of it so i pulled both of them in and made a plan..."Ok so the beast is downstairs snoring away so we have to be cautious otherwise you guys already know what will happen" The boys nodded in unison."We will slowely go downstairs and each of us will grab as much food as we can ok?"the boys looked confused, then oliver intelligently asked "but, if we take too much, wont mother suspect us?" 

"ahhhhh" i agreed. thats true. "so one of us will have to go get food because if all of us go at the same time, theres more of a chance of making too much noise meaning the beast will wake up and its game over" he continued.Dave and i burst out laughing.Am i actually this dumb? i asked myself.Mother has literally beaten the brain cells out of me."so who will go" moaned dave."i will" said oliver "no way am i risking Louise getting hit by that monster again uh uh" A big smile streched across my face when he said that."no let me go oliver, youre only little" 

"AAAAAH!" the pain on my back suddenly came back by surprise, i collapsed on the floor, wheeping.Looking at me , i could tell Oliver's mind was made up "im going" he said firmly.I hadnt uttered a word after that because i knew i wasnt in a state to move and holding him back will prolong our hours of not having eaten.So i just let him stride away.I kept my eyes on him until he was consumed by the darkness.

Dave and i sat inaction until Oliver's return.He walked in casually with an armfull of a variety of foods,for a second i felt so blessed to have the most brave and courageous brother.It was as if Oliver knew what our body needed the most at this point,we havent eaten well in about 2 weeks and just looking at the food filled me up.On his skinny little trembling arms were milk,fruit,water and buscuits."woohoo!" we all celebrated.It didnt take much long before all the food had vanished, honestly, i was still quite hungry but i decided to stay greatful for what i had just had. We spent about two hours talking then i tucked the boys in and crawled vulnerably to my bed.

The day pretty much started of with mum screeming and shouting at our abusive step dad over the phone.We hadnt seen Nathaniel ever since i reported him for what he done to me two years ago.towards the end of 2013 the most shocking and life scarring thing happened:Mum went to the shop to get some groceries leaving me and the boys alone with Nathaniel.I was in my room getting dressed to go to my friends house when drunk Nath burst in."AAAH im changing get out!" i shrieked. But instead of running out of the room in fright, he looked at me,chuckled and continued to enter my territory.He strided towards me and grabbed my bare body.I dont really enjoy talking about the rest so ill just leave the rest to the imagination.When he left my room,I was naked crying and smelt like metal(Nath was an engineer).He didnt rape me but he was one step away from it, had i not tightened my legs together,all hell wouldve broken loose.I rapidly slipped into my clothes and cancel my visit to my friends house, incase, i decided to do something more wise with my time and dial 999 on the house phone.I told them everything that happened and before i knew it four or five police cars circled my house like a ring.The high pitch sound of the siren increased my confidence.I remember that day quite clearly, my mother had just come from the supermarket with armfulls of heavy shopping, on one hand, i felt guilty for stressing her out even more than she already was but i was positive she would be on my side and eventually every thing would work out.But unfortunately, everything backfired on me and my mum ended up despising me and my guts.I remember her exact words to me that day when the police left with Nath.She didnt care or check if i was ok,she didnt want to know nor did she even ask. she just said "Seriously its like you took a life long oath to ruin my life,just because you dont like Nathaniel doesnt mean you make up some excuse to eliminate him, you could have given him a chance you selfish cow! I swear to God, like you took an oath to destroy my life, i will too make an oath that if you EVER COME IN MY WAY EVER AGAIN you will regret it, now get out of my face" that was the last day me and my mother talked properly, after that living with her was hell, i was 7 when she said that to me.Every time i remember that speech, my skin turns cold,dry and pale and boiling hot tears start to cascade down my face, burning me inside out,its the most brutal thing that anyone has EVER said to me.After that, the beatings started and soon enough, the neglect and swearing.I seriously hoped for one day to grow up and take my little brothers with me, far away and i didnt want have anything to do with her.