To All the Boys that Broke my Heart Before - Belén Domínguez (read e book TXT) 📗

ended pretty quickly, and for three whole months—the time he lasted with his girlfriend—we kind of drifted apart, totally understandable.

We talked from time to time because at the end of the day, some things you just can’t completely vanish. We were talking on Snapchat and I remember pretty clearly when he said:

“Hey, you know, I’m single”

That’s right, he had broken up with his girlfriend.

I didn’t exactly like the fact that the first thing that he said was that, he had obviously JUST broken up with her and he was mentioning it to me because. . .

Well, I guess he wanted to indeed give it another try with me? I mean, it looked like that was the case and I wasn’t having it. . . Not that soon at least.

With this guy, as you could see, it was an on and off thing. Will they end up together or not?

Almost there. . .

After some time, I don’t remember exactly how long but we started talking once more. At that point, I was kind of sure that I wanted to perhaps once and for all try something with him. It wasn’t fair that I wasn’t giving him a chance and maybe it would result in a good relationship. We went out once again, and this time, he was. . . Different. When we would text, he would be sweet and happy. But, that moment when we decided to hang out after months of not seeing each other, he seemed down, almost as if he didn’t want to be there.

“Hey, if you want to postpone, we can see each other some other time. You seem a little off”

“No, no. . . Don’t worry, I want to be with you”

I tried not to think much about this, putting all my thoughts in the back of my head, and actually tried to have a good time. When we sat down to drink something, he finally flashed me a smile. We laughed and talked comfortably like we used to. I actually had a good time and made my mind that I wanted to be with him. A little late, I know. . .

He dropped me off at home as usual, and with one last smile, he drove away. I went into my house and just wanted to text him to see if he was feeling better, but I thought that I would wait until he completely got home safely. He was the one to text me, jokingly saying that I tell my parents that I had a good time. I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my lips—he was so cute.

But, then, things just went downhill afterward.

Just a few days after seeing each other, we talked normally in a very romantic way. Calling each other sweet names. texting good morning/goodnight texts, etc. But, then, one day, he started ignoring my text messages. Like, completely ignoring them. He would leave me hanging for weeks. I remember that I invited him to a Halloween party I organized and he claims he forgot about it, even though he told me he would come—he was literally the first person I invited. I was very annoyed with him, he wasn’t having the best attitude. Then, one day, I saw he posted a few Instagram stories with another girl. It wasn’t clear that he had something with her, but I felt so angry with this boy. He decided to constantly IGNORE me and behave COLDLY, and all of a sudden he was constantly hanging out with this other girl? They were another friend too, but when he posted on his feed a picture with this supposedly “friend” people were teasing them saying stuff like:

“You guys look cute together”

“Get a room”

“Am I invited to the wedding?”

And both of them were laughing and replying to those comments that were claiming they were a couple. I didn’t like it one bit, not after we were so close to giving us a chance. Is not like he said that he was so over with me and my constant “I don’t know where I’m at”. He seemed to be almost agreeing for us to be together after all this time. He called me sweet nicknames as if we were already a couple. I let him call me that because I wanted to be with him, and if he says he didn’t think I was sending him that message, then the dummy was obviously him. When we were at the mall that last time, we were talking about ourselves and what went wrong, I liked that because we were finally communicating on a serious matter, something that involved us both. He was obviously uncomfortable because he started looking elsewhere but me. We even talked about what annoyed us from each other, at that moment I couldn’t think of many things about him, but now I know. At this moment, after I’ve had much more time to think about what truly annoys me about him, I can say that his immaturity was something that would make me drift away. He thinks he’s so mature because he drives a car and has a job. He claims his mentality and behavior are way beyond guys his age. I would agree with some parts. Something I was never able to tell him is that he tends to behave like a child sometimes and he doesn’t even realize. For example, when he doesn’t get what he wants, he pouts and looks elsewhere but you, he almost seems entitled to get whatever he wants. He states that he just doesn’t fool around and goes for what he likes—in this case, me. But, when I didn’t give in plenty of times, he would always try to fulfill what I never gave him—a relationship. It happened the first time when he returned with his ex. Our mutual friend once told me that he was always trying to get back with her, he said that he always loved her. That made me think: Even when he was constantly flirting with me and trying to desperately call me his girlfriend?

I was hurt.

I tried my best to forget and move on. It was hard because just then when I started to fall for him, he goes directly to someone else. I don’t even know if he realizes that I was so close to telling him that I wanted something more. Even if he found out, it was too late and I promised—not only myself but also to all my friends who had to deal with my complaints about this boy—that I wasn’t going to give in this time. Does he want to forget? So do I. I don’t hold him any grudge, I wish him the best. He’s not a bad guy, he’s a kid, even though he will so desperately say he isn’t. I feel like the problem was that he doesn’t quite understand what adult relationships are like. He gives the impression that to him, being in a relationship is all about kissing, getting laid, being cuddly with your partner, etc. But in reality, it is being there for the good and bad. When talking to you about something, I don’t expect you to be looking elsewhere but my face. Concentrate on what I’m saying and understand me instead of pouting like a child and having a tantrum. That’s being an adult, sometimes things are not romantic and you need to listen to what the other person is trying to share with you.

As I said, he’s not a bad guy, he just has some immature attitudes that never quite convinced me. This last thing that he did of ignoring my messages instead of confronting the situation was the last straw. I want to be with someone who understands me completely and has the maturity that I deserve. I always end this by saying that these experiences help me a lot when understanding what I need on someone, what exactly I am looking for. We all deserve to be with someone that sweeps us off our feet but can also be there when the situation gets bad and serious.

• • •

 

A Collection of Thoughts

 

FIVE -- NICK

Dear Nick,

You were the first guy ever that I fell for. We were just little kids and best friends, but somehow I was experimenting with those new feelings I couldn’t quite understand at the time. You became my best friend and I can’t thank you enough for all the good times we had each other. I wish you nothing but the absolute best because you deserve it. I know we haven’t spoken much because we both went our separate ways, though I will always have a special place in my heart for you.

I swear that our entire grade knew how I felt about you and would always give me such looks whenever you passed my group by. I felt myself blushing every single time, even though I think you never noticed. Perhaps you did, and you were too nice to make me feel bad because thankfully it was never awkward between us. We had an amazing friendship and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. You were one of the main reasons why school was a bit easier because I’ve never been good at making friends. Thanks to you I was capable of going out of my shell.

There’s not much to tell other than the reason why I’m writing this letter is not that I’m totally heartbroken, but it is mainly because you were my first crush and quite honestly the best friend I’ve ever had. You don’t have one evil bone in your body, you’re caring and nice. Unfortunately, I think I will never be able to share with you exactly how I