To All the Boys that Broke my Heart Before - Belén Domínguez (read e book TXT) 📗

felt back when we went to school together, even though you would most likely find it cute and sweet. I write this to let you know how much you mean to me as a friend, you were always so supportive of everything that I chose to do. You never judged nor left me aside, so for that, I am very thankful.

There are many things I remember about our childhood. For example how we used to hang out at recess and imagining a whole new world where we could do whatever we wanted. My favorite part was when we would hang around the swing set and pretend that it was a spaceship. I remember that we wanted to fly up high and pretend that we would land on another planet. Those were the moments that I keep remembering with a lot of love and tenderness. I hope you know how much you mean to me and that you never forget how good friends we were.

To finish this letter, let me tell you that I miss you and I wish we would talk to each other more often. Sadly we parted ways, so I see that it would be a bit hard to go back to what we used to have. Those things happen all the time and we learn to move on, though that doesn’t mean I will forget you—you’re too special to me. I wish you nothing but the best, which you deserve, and I hope we do cross paths someday and catch up, for old times’ sake.

With love, Belén.

SIX — FRANCIS

Dear Francis,

I said it once, and I will repeat it: What I felt for you was stronger than I originally thought. Looking back at how I felt about you, I laugh, cringe, tear up, everything. I knew deep down that we couldn’t be something, though I held on to that small hope that maybe, just maybe, it could be a possibility. I hope that you never deny that you too felt something for me because I would call you a liar. You can’t deny something like that. You admitted plenty of times that if we weren’t so far away, we would’ve become a couple. Quite honestly, there was nothing I wanted more. You had everything I looked for in a guy—that was the main reason it was so hard to let go and move on.

I do have good memories with you that I will forever hold close to my heart, but I would like to write in this letter the things that happened in my head in the period of time where you and I actually talked.

Well, first off, I liked you. . . A lot.

I don’t hold any grudge against you and I wish you well because, at the end of the day, there’s no reason for me to actually hate you. I think that the perfect word to describe my feelings towards you at the moment is “annoyance”. All of this could’ve been avoided if you would’ve made things clear from the very beginning. What I think happened is that you fell for me, perhaps you started feeling that you were very into me. But, what killed what could’ve been was the distance. Oh, the stupid distance. I liked you, you liked me, it was perfect, yet the main issue was that you were living hours away. You lead me on even though you knew it wouldn’t work out. If we would’ve talked about it, maybe I wouldn’t be writing this and wouldn’t have felt a sharp pain in my heart the moment you cut all sorts of communication with me. But no, you decided to ask me out and kiss me, even though I was leaving literally in a few days.

It hurts, especially because things changed between us, and not even wanted to stay friends. But, what would you know? At this precise moment, you probably think that everything is fine and when you started to completely ignore me—as if we never started talking in the first place—perhaps I would get the message. The fact that I was stupid enough to still have some feelings for you even though you were being so neglecting—even allowed you to kiss me after we saw each other that one time—still haunts me. I feel stupid sometimes, then I realize that it was a mistake and that we all make them, we’re supposed to move on. You did apparently, I should do the same. That won’t make me stop admitting that I did feel something pretty strong for you, I’m not ashamed of saying it.

I’ve cried for you. A little bit, but I did. Saying that makes me feel so embarrassed and stupid. Crying for you makes me feel weak and small. Vulnerable and ashamed. I just straight-up hate the fact that I’ve wasted my tears on someone that didn’t deserve them.

I wrote this because I felt it necessary since you never actually gave me closure, so I was forced to find it myself. I wanted to write this to finally get out everything that has been on my mind since that day I realized I’ve lost you. From the moment I saw that you were official with the girl you said was just your friend, my heart broke. I felt disappointed that you turned out to be like that. I don’t want to say I hate you because I don’t. I truly don’t hate you. But, you know what I hate? That you kept it going when you knew it wasn’t meant to be—that’s what I can’t forgive. What did you think? That if you ignored me enough I would get the message? No, it doesn’t work like that. You can’t just lead on people, make them think you care, and then run to the first girl that gives you the time of day. I’m sure that your relationship with your former friend wasn’t spontaneous. Knowing you, you’ve probably been after her for months. I don’t blame you for wanting to move on, but you could’ve at least given me a heads up, right? That’s all I ever wanted. Someone who isn’t a coward and can be straightforward with me.

I’ve learned from this. Believe it or not, you taught me an important lesson that I will hold on to forever. I mean, when you make mistakes, you’re supposed to learn from them.

With love, Belén.

SEVEN — ISAAC

Dear Isaac,

You have always called my attention. What attracted me most about you was your sense of humor, I would laugh so hard whenever you talked. You have this smile that accomplished in making me blush, and this particular charm that made me slowly feel something for you. I liked that you knew exactly what to say to make my day. You’re sweet, I’ll give that to you, and quite honestly, the first guy I had a crush on when I was new in college. I always felt sad that we didn’t get to go out. I was all for it, but you had to wait until the prior day to let me know that it wasn’t going to happen. I understood your position though—you wanted to protect your friendship since our mutual friend wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea. Just to take it out of the way, the reason he didn’t want us to go out was mainly that he wanted to protect me. He said he knew you the most and believed that you could hurt and make me feel bad. He warned me that you could be trouble. I never wanted to believe that you could do something to me, I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

You just behaved in ways that made me think that you were using me. I don’t want to go into details, believe me. . . But, you made me think that I was some sort of toy, and until this day you still don’t know that. I never wanted you to know about these feelings, the desire to avoid any awkwardness and arguing, was way bigger. I just wanted to move on and take this as an experience to not repeat the same mistakes. I regret some things, perhaps a few moments I wish I could go back and redo. That can’t happen, so what’s left to do is learn how to live with it, to try and forget that we even started talking in the first place.

I will admit, sometimes when I want to start the process of forgetting and moving on, I want to avoid seeing certain things so my head doesn’t replay those moments that I felt so low. I silenced your Instagram stories for example. If I saw you, it would hurt a lot, especially because you got someone else. I was jealous and you have no idea how much I hate admitting that. Like, I 100% just want to scream at the thought of me feeling jealousy over a guy with who I had nothing. But, when we talked I felt so good, so appreciated. I was just getting over a guy that did affect me so negatively, and you were there listening to my story and trying to cheer me up, reminding me that I was too much for some people.

Talking about this makes me feel both good and bad. These have been thoughts and feelings I’ve had inside for so long and it feels liberating to finally get them out of my system. But, I feel bad because it is almost ridiculous how much I’ve suffered for someone that just formed part of my life for a few months. With who I never went out, never shared any special moments, and just kind of used me. It sounds strong to say that, but, that’s how I felt. I never told you to avoid drama and you kind of making excuses.

I just have a question for you? Did you even like me? Were you really into me or just saw an opportunity to conquest yet another girl? You mentioned to me once, that you used to get whatever you want—at least, that’s what you admitted was your reputation. So, you wanted me just to have some fun and then leave? Was that your plan all along? I don’t know if you ever felt something for me or you just wanted to add a new addition to your list of girls you hooked up with.

In some ways, I’m glad we didn’t go any further, that