Love Letters - Amanda (top young adult novels .TXT) 📗

Hold up.... i don't doubt him. Okay? I doubt me. Alot. This took a wrong turn. He's the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me. I'd give up my life to make sure he's happy. He's the reason i get up in the morning. He's the reason i try to get sleep. He's the reason i can smile. Sure we argue... doesn't everyone? Sure we get hateful towards each other. But the night of that wreck i seen a side of him i never want to see again. The pure fear. Okay? I'd do anything to prevent that. I love him. I don't know how to live with out him. He is my best friend and my whole world. If you don't get that that's okay. But don't take that from me. Don't try to control that part of me. It's irrational and crazy but I don't care. I love him. And only him.

I love you. Your smile. Your laugh. You holding my hands. Your hug. Your kiss. The good morning texts. The phone calls. The meaningless conversations we'll never care about again. Your family. Your friends. The way you put up with me. How you always know when i'm upset. I love being with you. Talking to you. Being around you. Thinking of you. I love your consideration. I love your patience. I love your trust in God. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you treat me like a princess. Your happiness. I love everything about you. Even your flaws make you more fit for me. I love your voice, despite whatever others may say or tease you about it. I don't care. It makes you who you are and i love that person.

I like hanging out at Hastings and talking for hours. I like when people think we are a cute couple. I think we are too. I like that no matter what we have been through we are still strong, and we will only be stronger. Our faith may be shaken at times, and we may totally misunderstand each other. That's okay. It happens to everyone. What matters is being strong enough to pull through. I don't want to hear any irrational stupid talk of goodbye. Goodbye isn't going to happen. 

We've known each other a year now, and have gone from complete strangers to best friends. Funny or ironic, i don't know. But it's special. That I do know. That I don't doubt in the least. You're my best friend. You're like a present I get to unwrap every time i see you. You wrap me up in a huge warm bear hug and it is the best feeling in the world. I still get butterflies every time I see you. I love you so much Babe.

Honey,

Of course I love you. Your the only reason I've ever been happy about anything. And when I hurt you I felt such stabbing pain unfold inside of my heart. I never thought that love was such a painful thing. It's supposed to be happy like roses and chocolates and fairies. But it hurt seeing your tears, feeling your pain. And when you saw me cry you wrapped your arms around me, and had it been anyone else I would have shoved them away. But when you held me, I felt safe if just for a moment. And I loved you, and I still do, and always will. And I'll tell you why:

I remember the way if felt standing beside you, my head on your chest, my arms wrapped around you, and yours around my body. My heart was racing, beating so close to your skin, feeling your breath rise and fall with mine. The way your hands rested on my hip and your breath brushed my cheek when you spoke. The urge to kiss you filled me with a pleasant longing and made me smile.

I remember reading your 2 page long notes, and feeling a brand new kind of love with every one I read. And I remember the butterflies I got when I read your words, like your soul was whispering to my heart all kinds of glorious things, like a cat rolling over and arching her back, like the big huge puppy eyes of innocent loyal love, like the majesty of a bald eagle, or the regal aura of a cardinal. Like a sweet passionate lingering kiss.

I remember the necklace you got me that broke. But the message was clear: Our two hearts are eternally entwined. No matter what happens, no matter how much we fight or have problems, we'll make it through for our hearts are eternally entwined, always together.

And, we will always be together. Nothing will ever tear us apart. Because 'Love is forever, and forever's a hell of a long time.'

I love you so so much. You will always be mine!

Tattoos of memories, scars opened wide so you can see the pain I feel down inside. Can you take it, Baby? Will you understand how I am if you just see why? Maybe someday you’ll get my insecurities. For now, I just ask you to love me, hold me, and protect me.

Protect me from my nightmares, my enemies, my past, but mostly from myself. I hurt myself more than anyone else does, and it takes patience to hold me close and keep me safe.

Hold me close to your heart where I can’t slip out into the cold. Keep me warm in your arms as I fall into my mask of insanity. If only I know I can’t fall to my death when you are around, hold me. Tight, warm, close, safe. Let me fall asleep in your arms with only the beat of your heart as the breach of precious silence.

Love me with all your heart despite my flaws. Love my fear, my anger, my crazy, and my “omigods.” Love me at my worst and cherish me at my best. Let me love you back. Love me sweet and gentle. Don’t push me or hurry me. Love me despite how fragile my heart is. And don’t break me.

Hold my hand, scarred as it may be. Learn to accept my scars as part of me, something I have learned on my own. Draw hearts on me with markers and laugh with me when I laugh at your silliness.

Make me smile when I’m sad, and when I am breaking hold me together. Hold me close when I cry and grab my hand in yours when I yell at you. When I am rambling kiss me and shut me up. When I try to beat you let me hit you then just wrap me up in your arms. Don’t leave me all alone.

When you kiss me, don’t hold back. Kiss my cheek, kiss my lips, kiss my neck. Don’t hold back, but be sweet to me. Hold me close, but not too close. If I kiss you first, let me take the lead. Be good to me and let me love you slowly and sweetly.

Let me ride front seat in your pickup truck and hold my hand while you drive. Open the door for me and make me laugh.

Baby, you know I love to laugh, but sometimes I want to cry. Will you let me cry? Will you let me scratch and fuss and hit and cuss at you and then whisper “I love you” into my ear when I collapse on my own? Will you take me in your arms and hold me close and just say “Baby, I love you; you’ll be okay”?

I like dressing up and being a princess and you are my Prince as I dance the night away atop a table in my own little piece of insanity. Sing to me sweetly as I lay my head on your shoulder and close my eyes. Let me fall in love with the silence for there is no chaos there. Let me sing to you as you hold me close to you and let me spoil you with my love.

My love for you is great and unmeasured. No words are good enough. It must be felt. Beyond any physical tangible thing, it swells in my heart and yearns for you. It yearns for the touch of your skin, and the whisper of your breath. I ache for your kiss and I want to be wrapped in your arms. I want you to touch me just right, and when you kiss me to give me your heart.

Make every kiss a first, sweet new feeling that completes your soul.  You have my soul. In fact you stole it when I first heard your voice. I was consumed by you as you talked to me and became a part of me.

I knew I was lost when I thought “us” instead of just “me.” When did that happen? Well, I will never pinpoint that time, but I am no longer just mine. I belong to you just like you belong to me.

Ours is a new kind of love for me. You have never asked anything of me, nor I you. You have loved me with my anger and fears