Love Letters - Amanda (top young adult novels .TXT) 📗

Baby, I am so so sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that things didn't work and that you don't know the truth. I'm sorry that I didn't let you in and that I was mean to you. I'm sorry that you got hurt.
Honey, I love you and I hope you know that. You have to know that. You let me fall in love again even after I'd given up. your arms wrapped around me and your sweet perfect smell lingering on my skin. Me stealing your jacket, and giving it back, smelling like my floral sweet perfume. Your smile causing your face to turn as red as your hair and me blushing at your perfect hazel eyes. Your lips pressed to my neck and my chest aching for more. Your voice I could find in a crowd. Your hug I long for and your twinkling eyes that make the butterflies in my chest go crazy. I am in love with everything about you.
I'm so sorry that things didn't work. I don't know why I couldn't let you in. I don't know why I couldn't let you know the truth about who I am. I'm a monster, Baby. I have done too many things to be loved by you. I can't put them all in a note but I certainly will let you know in time.
Precious time. How sweet and how short when things are good. How horribly long when they aren't. I miss you Baby and no amount of time will take that away.
I hope that you may heal because you deserve it. I will be okay as long as you are. Please know I did all I could to keep things good between us. I did what I know to do which is to love you. Love you like noone has ever loved you. And I'm sorry I couldn't open up to you about the things that tore me up inside and kept me from getting close to anyone

"Why do we go dancing in circles when we know they never end? We come so close to loving each other and then we go dancing in circles again."

So so true, Baby. So so true. If only you would listen to the songs I tell you about you'd learn so so much.


"I used to be lovedrunk; now I'm hungover. I loved you forever; forever is over. We used to kiss all night; now it's just barfights."

Ditto, ditto, ditto.


"Your ways are in magi. Your Love is pulling me. You are my moon. My personal Moon."

You said you never understood that one. Well I do. Maybe you should too.


"But for the grace of God oh I must have been born a lucky guy. God only knows how I've been blessed with the gift of your love."

Maybe earlier, maybe later. Not now. Fuck you.

"I used to let you paint a pretty picture. You got me caught up with that "You're my girl forever." All I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me. I'm finally walking away cuz you'll only hurt me and you're not worthy."

I heard these lyrics this weekend, and now they won't get out of my head. Are they true to you? I have no idea. But maybe their backwards. Most of the times things get backwards. Especially you.

I've found a new love, a different kind of love. The kind that makes you think of rainbows on a rainy day and baby kitties when your dog dies. (I don't have a dog of course, but you get my point. I also don't have any cats lol.) Anyways, this is a special kind of love that is kind and considerate and doesn't argue and doesn't fuss and fight and it's beautiful. There is no pressure and I can talk to my love about anything. You know how sometimes, you talk to someone alot but when you start dating you stop talking. Well this was different. We talk more now that we are dating then before.

I like talking to you. You make me picture a tiny little butterfly flitting around like it's on speed. That's why I called you a hyper butterfly. I called you a goose too because I was done with all the little ducks so I picked you. (Duck, duck, duck, duck... Goose!)

You are a sweetheart and you make me picture one of those little stuffed chihuahua's with the rose in its mouth. Do you know what I'm talking about? That little animal Taco Bell used to have. I remember when I was about 5 years old, I tripped over a doorframe and busted my mouth open on the little battery part of that silly chihuahua. I had to get like 6 stitches. I have no clue how I remember things like that lol.

Anyways, you remind me of that little toy, because for some reason I think of it as cute and fun and sexy.

Well goodness. I'm so off track, I don't even remember the point of this letter. I love you Butterfly!

Mi belle amor en vida.

Mi mariposa.

Mi amor.

Mi vida.

My beautiful love and life.

My butterfly.

My love.

My life.

Ti amo.

I love you.

I met him at Band Camp originally. However All Region 2012-13 is when we began talking-- soon we began dating on January 29th 2013. 

I remember liking the way he talked nd making excuses to keep him talking to me- also how he didn't like me talking to Mark from Wynne cuz he 'could tell he was a playa.' (Well, he said player.) Anyways, I remember liking him because he had red in his hair (I find red hair so adorable) :) and that he seemed very organized and neat-- much unlike me. And I liked how he talked most of all- even with a nervous stutter. 

He seemed very awkward-moment prone and made me blush- and innocent. God how he was innocent.  I agreed on trading numbers, not really expecting him to call me. I was sure as adorable and nice as he was there were gurls that talked to him all the time. 

But- I got a call two days later- and we began talking. Alot! Two to three hours a day almost, texting back and forth as well; it's no surprise we began dating. 

And all because I laid my jacket and purse and my friend Kayla's stuff on his french horn case at All Region. Who would have thought? 

Sometimes I find myself thinking of you, and my mind wonders. Would you be glad in what I've done? Would you praise my efforts? Would you even recognize me? Would you cringe at my mistakes? Would you hate me?

Hate me for my need for security, my longing for acceptance, but my desire to be different? My absolute obsession with musi, to the point I am focused totally on learning it- even in the face of wrecking havoc? Would you hate me for my