The Book of Good Manners - W. C. Green (inspirational books to read txt) 📗

be done in the most polite and delicate manner, and be perfectly agreeable to her.

WOMEN. If a woman arrives at a strange place, especially a large city, and no one meets her, she should ask the station porter to attend to her baggage and all such details, and, if traveling farther, to see to her ticket and to find for her the right train.

If at the end of her journey she gives him the address she desires to go to and her trunk checks, he should procure a carriage for her.

This saves her much worry and annoyance and needless risk.

The same suggestions apply to steamboat travel.

EXPENSES. If a woman is asked by a man to take a short boat or railroad trip, he should pay her fare and all other expenses. But if on a long trip—as, a summer outing—and she is escorted by a man, she should insist on paying her own fare and all expenses, allowing him, however, to pay the expenses of slight entertainment—as, fruit, magazines, etc.

PARLOR-CAR. Her escort should attend to all details of traveling. If she is traveling alone, she should always ride in the parlor-car and have the porter attend to her wants.

While it may be proper to accept in a parlor-car attentions from a man if he is accompanied by a woman, the greatest caution is required if he is alone; in fact, it is well to be on one’s guard, when traveling alone, against the attentions of both men and women.

TREASURY, SECRETARY OF—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, Sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant A social letter begins: My Dear MR. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary Of Treasury.

TROUSSEAU, WEDDING. The bride exhibits the trousseau at a dinner given to the bridesmaids and maid of honor a few days before the wedding.

TURNING DOWN CORNER OF VISITING-CARDS. This should not be done.

TUXEDO. The Tuxedo coat and waistcoat are worn at all informal affairs when no women are present, such as small theatre parties (when not occupying a box), bowling and card parties, restaurants, and the like.

It may be worn on the street in the evening with a low hat. A black tie should always be worn, and never, under any circumstances, a white one.

See also EVENING DRESS—MEN.

UMBRELLAS.

MEN CALLING ON WOMEN. When making a

formal or brief call, the umbrella should be left in the hall.

CARRYING. Umbrellas should be carried vertically, never horizontally, thereby endangering other persons’ eyes. Especially is this important when entering cars or going up long flights of steps—as, at an elevated railroad station.

USHERS. A sufficient number of ushers should be provided for to allow of two for each aisle.

A good plan is to have one selected as the master of ceremonies, and for him to go to the church on the weddingday in ample time to personally see that all the details have been carried out. They should be present at all rehearsals.

The ushers are usually presented by the groom with some small trinket, such as a pin, as a souvenir of the occasion.

CALLS. The ushers should call upon the married couple as soon as the latter have returned from their wedding trip.

CHURCH. The ushers should arrive at the church before the guests.

Each usher should have a list of all the intended guests for whom special places are set aside, and should check off the names of the guests as they arrive. He should know the various guests and where to place them; but if he does not know them personally, he should consult his list.

The upper ends of the middle aisles of both sides are usually reserved for invited guests, and are distinguished from the rest of the church by having a white ribbon or a string of flowers stretched across the aisle.

The immediate family and special guests occupy the front seats, the family and the guests of the bride taking the left side and those of the groom the right side of the aisle. Other guests should be given the best seats, according to their priority in arriving.

It is in bad taste for an usher to reserve seats for his own friends as against the first-comers.

In seating guests, the usher should give his left arm to a woman and escort her to her seat while her escort follows.

Before the arrival of the bridal party the ushers take the ribbons at either end, and, walking the length of the aisle, close it against intrusion. Upon the arrival of the bride they form in pairs in the vestibule and lead the procession, followed by the bridesmaids, also in pairs. When they approach the altar they separate, one-half to the right and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do likewise, and stand in front of the ushers.

At the conclusion of the ceremony they follow last in the procession to the vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom, they hasten as soon as possible to the bride’s home to assist in introducing and meeting the guests at the reception or breakfast.

DRESS. At a morning or afternoon wedding they wear black frock coats.

At an evening wedding they wear full evening dress, also white kid gloves, which are not removed during the ceremony.

Hats should be left in the vestibule.

FLOWERS. If the boutonniers are given by the bride, they should go to her house to receive them and to have her place them in the lapels of their coats; or the boutonniers may be kept at the church in the care of the sexton.

GLOVES. For morning or an afternoon wedding the gloves are gray. At an evening wedding the gloves are white kid. The gloves are not removed during the ceremony.

JEWELRY. They wear the scarf-pins or cuff-buttons given to them by the groom.

NECKTIES. At a morning or afternoon wedding the neckties are usually of some delicate color.

At an evening wedding the neckties are white, as is customary with evening dress.

WEDDING BREAKFAST. The ushers pair off with the bridesmaids, and are usually seated at a table assigned to them.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS. The ushers, should introduce the guests to the groom and bride, calling the latter “Mr. and Mrs. A.,” beginning with the relatives and friends, and continuing with the others till all have been introduced.

In introducing the guests, the usher should offer his arm to the woman, and if not knowing her, should ask her her name, while her escort follows and is introduced at the same time. The bride may request the usher to introduce the guests to the parents.

VALET.

TIPS. It is customary for a man leaving after a house party to give to the valet who has waited upon him at least one dollar and more, in proportion for added attention.

WITH MASTER ON VISIT. As a general rule, few American men take their valets with them when they visit. But when such is the case, the valet would wait upon his master, and should give as little care to the household as possible.

VEIL

MOURNING. See Widow-Mourning.

WEDDING. This should be white. While its length depends upon the wishes of the bride, the long veil is more in keeping with the traditions and customs of the ceremony.

Verbal Invitations. All invitations should be sent by mail, and verbal invitations avoided if possible; if one is given, it should be followed by one in writing.

VICE-PRESIDENT—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends, I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr.

Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: The Vice-President, John J. Wilson.

VISCOUNT—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I have the honor to be your Lordship’s obedient servant.

The address on the envelope is: The Right Honorable Viscount Wilson.

A social letter begins: Dear Lord Wilson, and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson, very sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: To the Viscount Wilson.

VISCOUNTESS—HOW ADDRESSED. An official letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the honor to remain your Ladyship’s most obedient servant.

The address on the envelope reads: To the Right Honorable, the Viscountess of Kent.

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent, sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope reads: To the Viscountess of Kent.

VISCOUNT.

DAUGHTER OF. See Daughter of Viscount.

WIFE OF YOUNGER SON. See Wife of Younger Son of Viscount.

YOUNGER SON OF. See Son (Younger) of Viscount.

Visiting-cards. See Cards, Visiting.

VISITORS TO TOWN—CARDS. Visitors to town should send cards to every one whom they desire to see, with the address written on the cards.

VOUCHERS. These are safeguards against the admission of uninvited guests at a subscription ball, and take the form of cards to be shown at the door.

When a person sends one of these vouchers and an invitation to a person, he should enclose one of his calling cards.

“WALLFLOWERS.” This is the name commonly applied to young women at a ball who do not dance because of lack of partners. It should be the aim of the hostess, with the aid of her sons and daughters, to find partners for such young women.

WAR, SECRETARY OF—HOW ADDRESSED, An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: I have the honor to remain most sincerely yours.

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John J. Wilson, Secretary of War.

WEDDING.

BREAKFAST. See Wedding Reception or Breakfast.

CAKE. At the conclusion of the wedding breakfast the cake is placed before the bride, who first cuts a piece, and then it is passed to the others. More often it is put up in small white boxes and given to the guests, or the boxes containing the cake are placed on a table in the hallway, and the guests each take one on their departure.

DAY. The weddingday is named by the bride, and her mother’s approval is asked by the groom.

It is not customary for the bride to see the groom on the weddingday till she meets him at the altar.

KISS. The kiss in the ceremony is being done away with, especially at church weddings.

Only the bride’s parents and her most intimate friends should kiss her, and for others to do so is no longer good form.

RECEPTIONS OR BREAKFASTS. The married couple, on arriving at the house of the bride, place themselves in a convenient location, and, assisted by the best man, maid of honor, and the parents of both parties, receive the invited guests. Congratulations are given to the groom and best wishes to the bride.

A reception is more often given than a breakfast, as it allows more invitations and more freedom, and the refreshments are placed on the tables, so that the guests help themselves or are served by the bridesmaids.

The guests wait upon the married couple.

At a breakfast, when the congratulations are over, the breakfast is announced, and the married couple lead the way to the table reserved for them. Parents of both parties, the best man, and the maid of honor are usually placed at this table.

Guests leave a card for the host and hostess and another for the married couple.

Invitations are sent with the wedding invitations, but only to the nearest relatives and friends.

They should be immediately acknowledged, either by letter of acceptance or declination with regret.

TRIP. All details should be arranged beforehand by the best man, who