What's hidden within me - Ameera Butt (best ereader for epub txt) 📗

water.” She offers me some water thinking it may help me and calm me down. I quickly grab onto the glass and take a small sip from the glass.
“Thank you.” I’m able to take out as a quick shiver comes out of me.
“Are you now okay to tell me what you wanted to tell me Lillian?” She asks still sitting beside me.
“Please, call me Lilly. Everyone calls me Lilly.” I tell her.
“Okay Lilly, you want to share your problem.” She giggles and then in a serious tone asks.

I look up at her, as her face seems to look more relax and shows a sort of interests in what I am trying to say. I take give out a small sigh and then take in a deep breath then realising out that random weird pressure in me.
“Well, lately...” I pause myself and think of a way to put out what I want to tell. I figure half of it out and start talking again. “Lately I haven’t been getting much sleep.”
“And why is that?” Faith asks trying to figure out herself why wouldn’t I be getting much sleep.
“Well, it’s not really much sleep. It’s more about no sleep at all.”
“Okay, well why do you not get any sleep at all Lilly?”

I knew the answer to what she has just asked me yet I couldn’t answer the question. I was thinking of different ways of getting some sort of reply out of my mouth always seeming to fail.
“I don’t know why I don’t get any sleep at night.” I manage to take out.
“Are you sure you don’t know Lilly?” Faith starts to sound like she knew I was lying. She has some sort of deep seriousness in her voice.
“I don’t know!” I yell out to her feeling a little pressured even though I wasn’t pressured at all.
“Okay, calm down Lilly. Just stay calm. All I want to know is why do you think you aren’t getting your sleep at night? Is something bothering you? Perhaps something is in your mind?” She tries to calm me down and softly asks me.
“I have some things mind. Thing I do not know about...” I pause myself once again.
“Go on, I’m listening.” She assures me.
“Things that even confuse me.”
“Do you get nightmares or anything like that?”
“I don’t sleep remember? If I don’t sleep how could I possibly get nightmares?”
“Have you ever thought that you may be sleeping but you think you’re awake?” She questions me, making me have a doubt on it.
“No, I just don’t sleep. Even if I do sleep it stops me and brings me wide-awake again.”
“What brings you wide-awake?”
“It’s...” I stop myself from using a word. Faith looks deeply into me trying to spell out something but my lips were stick so hard together. I shut my eyes for two seconds and open them up again whilst continuing speaking. “It’s a vision Faith.”
“A vision? A vision of what?”
“A lot of things. But there's this one thing that specifically runs around my mind. Even though everything else seems so vivid this is pretty clear.”
“Is anything you see true by any chance? Have any of those thoughts or visions already happened in your past?” As she asks me those last two questions my mind clocks out of the situation as I rush myself of the couch and find myself standing up. “What's wrong Lilly? Why have you stood up?”
“No! I have to go. I don’t want to be here anymore!” I express out to her trying to get a grip onto my bag, which was lying, beside the couch on the floor.

As I’m about to move forward Faith grabs onto my wrist holding me back. “Wait!” She yells out as my footsteps hold themselves back and she slowly lets go of me. “Why are you rushing away? What are you hiding? You are here to tell me this problem right? Then trust me and tell me.” I look up at her and try to relax myself. Relax my mind, relax my heartbeat and relax my entire body. But after a second I couldn’t, I failed that relaxation and I give her a small push back and run towards the door as I give a quick stop.
“Sorry but I can’t. I have to go.” I whisper to her and exit her room running out. As I try to exist out of the entire building my eyes contact with the rude receptionist I saw earlier. She looks deeply into my eyes and gives me another strong glare as she had given before. I avoid giving her any attention and focus on getting out of the area. My heartbeat has increase so much that I can just about feel my heart coming out of my body. Pretty figurative but in this moment of time it can happen you never know!

I rush towards my car, which is parked in the local car park on fifth floor. I open up my bag and look for my car keys, which I had thrown in when I had got out of the car earlier. Being in a total hurry, I can’t seem to find my keys with my breath not taking a normal speed. My hands moving around everywhere in my big bag not being able to reach out for my keys. I start to anxiously empty out my bag stood in this cold car park. Public driving past me looking for their own places to park their cars observing what I was doing probably assuming I’m some sort of mad and lost human not knowing what I am doing. Feeling totally clueless. After a good three minutes of searching I give up on the search and fall down to my knees as tears start bursting out of my eyes. I sit here being so lonely. Lonely then ever! Crying my eyes out, crying where many could’ve heard me but no one can actually hear me. Feeling physically and mentally disturbed; my mind is rushing through many things. I don’t know what I am doing or what I should do. I have no consciousness of anything! I feel useless and trapped and I can not even express myself out. I sit here for about half an hour crying my eyes out not caring about anything else as my stuff are scattered everywhere on the floor and me sitting against my car as my tears themselves slowly start drying away.

A few minutes late my phone, which was now on the floor as well as everything out, starts buzzing. I can’t seem to find the energy or movement to reach out or look at whose call it is so I let it ring. After a few rings it stops ringing. I don’t move nor reach for the phone; I sit there in silence and do nothing. My phone once again rings, this time I am able to look down at my phone and read who the caller on the phone is. ‘Mass’.
Mass was my best friend. Since forever he has been with me, never to let me go. I’ve grown up with him as he used to be my neighbour but now that he has moved to another house still being pretty local our friendship was still that tight. It was always the three best friends. Mass, my elder sister Kat and me Her actual full name was Katherine Marwick but we always called her Kat just how they all called me Lilly instead of Lillian. I’m sure you’re thinking Mass? What sort of name is that? But honestly that isn’t his actual. His full name is Mason Mayson. I know you must be thinking two masons at once? Since the day I had met him I’d been asking him and myself the same question. Apparently his parents were very drunk and high the day he was named. Still he doesn't complain. The worlds most adorable, patient and calm guy that could’ve ever existed. That was him for sure! I remember when we were young as soon as it used to hit one o’clock Mass used to ring at our doorstep and come in to play with us. We would just spend the whole day together. Mass and me were the same age so we were in the same school year and we went to same college and university together. We both had this love for literature. He was more of the long essay writer and reader don’t know how he survived all that. On the other hand I used to love my creative writing and my poetic side. No one ever used to listen or read anything I used to create not even Kat. But Mass, he would always be there to read my stuff. He always believed in me and he still does. No matter what I know when I need something or someone I know Mass will always be there for me.

Our parents that are like best friends too they do everything together. In fact every once a month the two families get together and do some sort of fun day out. Sunshine or not, nothing can actually stop us. Even if we were indoors either Kat or Mass’s younger brother Max would come up with the most ridiculous ideas, surprising we always go for what they plan for us. Pretty silly but that's just how our happy family was. We weren't blood related but we are sure happy with who and how we are!

Coming back to the present, I came out of this random misery I went into and trying to wipe away the dry tears across my face. I slowly get everything from the floor and randomly in a second of thoughts I quickly start rushing it all back into my bag looking carefully at the time. I spot something fall out of my contact diary. Something I had been searching for insanely. Something that made me realise how lost I was. Something that made me start to cry. I find my car keys falling out from in between my small contact book as I stop for a second and give a stupid idiotic laugh at myself seeming so pathetic and silly in this moment. I grab onto everything and start walking very fast back to the building I had rushed out of. Back to Faith Whitelock’s room...

I can feel myself go so weak as I get closer and closer to the building I had rushed out from about an hour ago. Walking in after opening that big white see through door wide open as a strong from behind me pushes me in as I was meant to go in. As if the wind was afraid I would just leave and run away again. As if the wind itself was forcing me to do what I was going to do. Leaving my mind of the winds encouragement I slowly walk into the building. The rude receptionist still sitting in her seat probably hadn’t move since forever looks up at me again and this time doesn't give a rude or bad glare at all. She sits there on her small black phone, to a customer I was assuming. As she looked at her nails moving her eyes off me I confusingly I walk forwards towards Faith room not looking left or right. Taking small gentle slow breaths inhaling and exhaling calming I reach to room number fourteen once again. Once again I stood outside Faiths room. Still worried yet a little more confidants than what I had before. Without a thought I didn’t knock on the door and I open it as she stands there with a smile. Like she knew I would be back somehow. Like she knew I needed something...