What's hidden within me - Ameera Butt (best ereader for epub txt) 📗

She gives me a politely side smile and I close the door behind me whilst entering her room as she speaks out “Are you ready for your therapy sessions now Lillian Marwick?” Chapter Two

As the sun goes down the stars start to appear. The moon comes out and greets you all the night. You wake up in the morning pretty lazy and relaxed knowing you’ll seep at night again being so sleepy. The day goes through being so crazy that you don’t know what will happen. You don’t even know what you will get to see...

By the time I was eighteen I was pretty crazy and when I say crazy trust me I mean crazy. My morning would start in the afternoon and my afternoon would start in the evening. But my evening, it would start when I wanted it to start. Becoming so independent in life I had started to come out of the young me and growing into the older crazy me. This meant I based my small yet beautiful life on friends, parties, risks etc. To be honest I used to do whatever I felt like and no one could stop me. I had no fear; no worries, no restrictions and I definitely had no limits. Actually if I'm going to be fully honest with you I did have one fear. Fear that I actually never wanted to ever occur in front of me or trap me because this fears it’s the most evil one. The most risky and dangerous one, on top of all that this poisonous fear could harm you in many ways and once its in you it never wants to let go.

“And what is this fear?” Faith breaks into my story and asks. I look up at her as I was sitting on the chair at her desk, her sitting opposite me with a pen in her hand. I give her a quick little chuckle as I close my eyes and breath really slowly. “Lilly, what is that fear?” She asks again sounding very worried, this time she looks very suspicious as if it was a massive harmful horror that would be hurtful to everyone and everything.
“Oh don’t worry. This fear isn’t for everyone. It’s just specific people, the rest a blinded in it.” I laugh and reply.
“So what is it?”

I take a deep breath once again but this time opening my eyes wide open and smiling at Faith making Faith seem very puzzled. “Love Faith, love.” I take out of myself.
“Really, love? That’s your fear?”
“It was my fear, now the only fear is too...” I stop myself and pause in the moment.
“Too...” Faith asks trying to make me continue what I am saying.
“You’ll find out if you let me continue telling you.”
“Our session only has another forty-five minutes Lilly.”
“Well you better start listening, Mrs Whitelock.”
“Okay, but can you tell me why love was your only fear?” She curiously wonders.
“When you’re in love you have some sort of blindness in front of you. You cannot seem to see much except that love. It has some great power over everything else. If you are loved back from the person then love is the most amazing thing you can ever have however if you are not then you are stuck with thoughts. But these thoughts are just any thoughts. They are the worlds most evil thoughts ever Faith!”
“What do you mean by that?”
“In all the love pains someone goes through the thoughts hurt the most. This is because you can avoid or stop anything, anything except the thoughts. They are very evil and mysterious. They haunt in every step you take; they drag you around and play with your feelings. Thoughts have no emotions they are pretty heartless. If a thought gains such powers it can take over the whole of you and make you as bad. It can make you violet, aggressive or pathetic. It makes your personality ugly, dead or raw. It can play such terrible tricks on you, your mind, and your heart to be honest your everything. It's like a strong poison just spreading around you. The worst part is the thoughts never go away. Just like that you think of the person you love at all times. Stressing out on something that isn't yours. Wishing your life didn't exist because of your thoughts. You think day and night. You think morning to evening. Time ticks, you may try focusing on something else but all you think about is one actual thing. Surrounding that one thing is a hundred questions. This can make you mental; this can ruin your mind. This could kill you.” I finish my explanation about thoughts as I look back at Faiths face since I was facing the window. She looks at me with such watery eyes like if she wanted to cry or something. Perhaps she understands what I was trying to say. If she did understand that would be such a relief but at the same time I was really hoping she hadn’t gone through any of that.
“I don’t know what to say to that thought Lilly.” Faith manages to whisper out her voice sounding so gentle and quiet. A small sniff comes from her as she continues writing her notes.
“You have so much more coming up Faith. Just wait.” I laugh and answer her back. “Now shall I go back into my story or you need to ask something else.”
“Please go back into your story.” She laughs and gets me back into my story.

Like I was saying no fear, no nothing to be honest. I was the most adventurous girl anyone could ever meet. My dreams had such weird limits that not even I could explain them properly. Eve always use to say how mad I was. I used to surprisingly agree because honestly she was speaking the truth. But that madness made me who I am.

“Wait! Who’s Eve?” Faith again interrupts as I give her evil eyes.
“Evelyn Thomson, known her since college. We got into a massive fight in our first meeting after that god knows what magic happened and we became such good friends.” I reply giving such a weird laugh.
“Why did you fight?” Faith asks being in a fun and excited mood.
“Long story, back then she had this weird crush on Mass. Remember him my best friend?” Faith nods and I start speaking again, “Well she would stalk him everywhere, not leaving a sight in college. It actually started scaring him. Him being so typically him, he would never harm or hurt anyone mentally, physically or even emotionally. No matter how hard he tried. He came to me and told me everything and we got into a fight. It was actually funny how we got out of the fight.”
“And how did that happen?”
“Gosh you ask a lot don’t you Faith? Well it all randomly happened. We were arguing whilst Mass stood there looking at the two weird girls arguing as Kat was standing beside him and Max. We argued for almost half an hour I think. We fought until we just couldn’t think of anything bad to say and randomly started laughing so badly. It was just so strange. We laughed and laughed and then laughed a little more. Mass stood there clueless on what was going on along side with half the crowd who were starring and Eve and me. From that moment of laughter we had decided to become good friend. But I did make it really clear to her to keep distance from Mass, as he was at the end of the day my cute best friend.”
“Wow Lilly that was just very strange to even understand for a moment.” Faith tries to take out concluding what I had just told her as she notes down everything and I start continuing with my story again.

On a warm July, in sunny summer Mass, Kat, Max, Eve and me lay straight on the soft fresh grass. Lying there thinking as it was summer and we all had holidays from either work or education we were trying to plan a holiday for ourselves. Every year we all went on something so small or simple. It used to become so boring that we used to ruin the place and come home extra early then our usual dates. There was year, I think I was about eighteen. This is of course in my early stage of craziness we weren't allowed to go on a holiday out somewhere due to our actions on the year before. It was pretty amusing to be honest. All I can say is from that day I was banned from playing truth and dare and even if I did play that game I could only choose well, only choose truth, which pretty much sucked for sure!

Anyways back to thinking about what we could do for our holiday we are running out of ideas. Every suggestion I gave was always either avoided or giving a straight no in advance. Felt a little rude and annoying but lets be honest it was kind of the right decision.
“Sky diving, why don’t we do that! Oh c’mon guys that's a great idea!” I yelled out of nowhere sitting on my knees seeming like I was begging the rest.
“Hey that’s not a bad idea to be honest.” Kat expressed.
“Lets do it people!” I started yelling out trying to convince them.
“NO! Remember last time we were going to do that and Max fainted because of his fear of heights?” Mass opened out saying killing Lilly’s excitement.
“Mass you annoying little piece of...” I took my words out of my mouth in such anger. I didn’t want Mass to bring that up again, but he did. That idiot did. But he was right. Last time we planned n going sky diving we were literally at that height and Max fainted din the helicopter we all had to reach ground and take him hospital. He sure came out alive.

“How about a beach holiday?” Eve suggested.
“That sounds very relaxing.” Mass continued speaking after Eve suggested.
“Well, I guess we could. But what are we going to do there?” I questioned them being half-confused.
“Are you being serious Lilly? We can do so much!” Max exploded out saying in excitement.
“Okay fine, beach holiday it is then.” I agreed to that and we all spent the rest of the evening trying to convince our parents, which wasn't that hard usually. I had no idea what was wrong with them that night. Eventually we got everything sorted and the holiday began!

“Lilly which number is your seat?” Eve asked me in such a hurry as we all rushed onto the plane dragging our small baggage's behind us.
“The number that is definitely not next to you!” I claimed in such happiness. You see Eve was a great friend and all but was a horrible traveller. She literally would ruin the beginning of your journey. She has these stupid height frights. She thinks the plane will break in half and she’ll go falling down. Her imagination really goes out of the box.
“Lilly what is your seat number?” Mass asked sounded curious.
“D14, why?” I asked thinking why everyone is asking for my seat number.
“Oh man so it’s you. Basically in us