How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You by Leil Lowndes (knowledgeable books to read TXT) 📗

stay ing together. Similar values keep the love coals warm long after the first flames of passion have cooled.

Similarity . . . and a Touch of Difference (Just a Touch)

Similarity is safe. Yet too much similarity, over time, becomes boring, so people seek differences, too. But here's the rub: They only seekcertain kinds of differences.

Lovers want qualities that are just different enough to keep the relationship interesting but not different enough to interfere with their own lifestyle. They choose partners who can give them new experiences, expose them to new ideas, teach them new skills, improve their lifestyle, and make up for their lacks.

They also look for complementary qualities in a partner. Complementary means something that

"completes or brings to perfection." For instance, a bashful man might be drawn to a gabby mate to make up for his own shyness. A woman lacking in worldly sophistic ation might be impressed with a man who knows his wines. Lovers are not looking for something different in a partner, just something different enough to fit in with their lives and bring them, as a couple, to "perfection."

Sometimes you hear of men and women who crave qualities entirely different in their partners. It happens. For example, a man brought up on the tight leash of a blue-blooded family might take a walk on the wild side with a street-smart woman. That street-smart woman might long for a limousine, a butler, and a maid. But, even when these two find what thetyhink they want, such liaisons don't usually last long. Rarely do they result in a long-term happy marriage.

How can you use this knowledge, that lovers seek similarity with a touch of difference, to make someone fall in love

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with you? Unfortunately, when you first meet your Quarry, you don't know enough about him. You don't have enough data to hint that, although you are similar, you are just different enough to be the right partner for her. So you must start with what you perceive. Observe your Quarry carefully. Then begin highlighting your similarities. If all goes well, you'll have time later to gauge what "different" qualities would complement his or her life.

All the studies on initial attraction establish this fact: Attraction to a stranger is a function of the proportion of similarity the subjects perceive31. Perceive is the key word here. Barring a frontal lobotomy, you can't change your attitudes, your values, your emotional makeup, or your outlook on life toactuallymake you similar to your Quarry. You don't yet have enough knowledge about your new Quarry to even start spouting similar philosophies, hinting at similar convictions, and alluding to

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similar aesthetics. However, you can arm yourself with a bag of savory subtle tricks to make your Quarry perceive you are similar.

In the following pages, I will arm you with verbal and nonverbal techniques to make your Quarry feel that the two of you are very much alike indeed. Some of the techniques are subliminal. Others are overt.

But they all work.

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How to Instantly Make Your Quarry Feel,

"Why, We're Just Alike!"

Have you ever met anyone and immediately felt,

"This person and I have a lot in common"? Instant charisma, instant chemistry, instant intimacy, instant liking.

Conversely, you might have met someone and thought, "This individual is from a different planet!"

Instant apathy, instant indifference, instant coldness, instant dislike.

Every time you meet someone, you have sentiments ranging between the two extremes. You couldn't put your finger on why you felt that way. You just somehow sensed it.

You probably weren't conscious of it, but their choice of words had a lot to do with how you felt about them.

Likewise, your choice of words exposed a lot about you to your Quarry. Our words reveal how we think.

Our words peg us into one social class or another.

Our words hint at our professional affiliation, our philosophical leanings, our interests, and even our outlook on life. Our seemingly arbitrary choice of words reveals how we perceive the world.

In certain European countries, it's more obvious.

There can be five or ten languages, or dialects, within the mother tongue.

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When two people who speak the same dialect are introduced to each other somewhere outside of their region, they practically fall into each other's arms in recognition of their similar backgrounds.

We have dialects, too. We just aren't aware of them.

America—bigger than all of Western Europe—has thousands of what we'll calldialects . These are different ways of speaking that depend on our region, our job, our interests, and our upbringing. Maybe it's because our country is so large that our language, American English, is so bountiful in its number of words. Whatever the reason, American English has a richer choice of words for saying the same things than practically any other language.

To establish similarity, you can employ a subliminal linguistic device that is easy to use but punches a Page 97

powerful wallop. You can make your Quarry feel that you are part of his or her family just by your choice of words.

Words to Give Your Quarry "That Family Feeling"

Cliques of people use the same phrases. Family members and friends use the same words with each other. Colleagues in a company or members in a club talk alike. Everyone you meet has his or her own language that subliminally distinguishes family, friends, and coworkers from outsiders. The words all may be English, but the choices vary from area to area, industry to industry, and even family to family.

Perhaps you don't notice it, but your Quarry has a special way of speaking that links him or her to a special world of family, friends, job, and outlook on life. To give the subliminal feeling to your Quarry that you are like him or her, you canecho these words.

All it takes is a little careful listening.

Words have different connotations to different people.

You remember from school that a word's denotation is what it liter-Page 99

ally means. Theconnotation is all the meanings, the atmosphere surrounding it—how the word feels. To make your Quarry feel close to you, use the exact words he